


Lilies of The Valley

by BambiRex



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Culture Club (Band), Elton John (Musician), Queen (Band)
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Cheating, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Genderbending, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Lesbophobia, Non-explicit birth, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Sexual Assault, Pregnancy, Violence, but it's still a happy ending, but jenny fanelli is NOT jenny schecter!!!, complicated family relationships, fem!everything okay, fem!queen, i have absolutely no idea what this is, is this crackfic?, it's probably crackfic, king!au, lots of smut and stupid dialogues, some scenes and plotlines are directly taken from the l word, that weird l word au, that would be Paula Prenter actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 70,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27080614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiRex/pseuds/BambiRex
Summary: A group of sapphic friends power through love, life, lust and lunatic moments in London.
Relationships: Boy George/Jon Moss, Brian May/Tim Staffell, Chris "Crystal" Taylor/Roger Taylor, David Furnish/Elton John, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, Joe Fanelli/Peter "Phoebe" Freestone, John Deacon/Peter Straker
Comments: 108
Kudos: 15





	1. Launch

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse. Those who follow me on my tumblr already know, but this is actually based on a weird dream fueled by the rewatching of the legendary lesbian series. I have no clue where this story is going. I don't know how frequent the updates will be, or how long this is going to be. I'm just going with the flow, and see where it takes me.
> 
> As I mentioned in the tags, many things are directly taken from The L Word, with my own twist on them. The first chapter is basically just an introduction of our main characters, to see where we stand- I'm gonna try and be more coherent with the plot later!
> 
> Hate comments will be deleted- this is just fun. Cracky, self-indulgent fun. Don't bring out your pitchforks.

If there was one thing Freddie hated about the doctor’s office- besides, the obvious fact that she had to be in one-, it was the fucking cold. The equipment was cold, the bed was cold, even the sheets covering her were freezing her to the bone, and she shivered with a little whine. Why couldn’t they just turn on the heat a little bit? Was it their fetish to make their patients’ experiences as uncomfortable as possible? It sure as hell felt like it. She didn’t remember a single visit that wasn’t dripping from a giant dollop of cringe- and lately, she had been visiting the doctor quite often. It was her God-given right to whine about the constant discomfort.

‘’I have a great feeling about this.” Jane said, her voice so warm- the only warm thing in the room-, and Freddie couldn’t help but smile, even if it was a little tight-lipped.

‘’You do?” She asked, reaching up to ruffle Jane’s hair. Her wife nodded, leaning to press a kiss against her palm. She seemed positively giddy, and truth be told, it lifted Freddie’s spirits a little. After all, she was enduring all this for the greater good, for a wonderful result that would change their lives forever. If they succeeded, at the end of the tunnel of hormone shots and weekly visits to the sperm bank, there was a baby waiting for them.

Their baby. Freddie couldn’t help but smile at the idea. They had been together for seven years, married for three years, and they felt like it was time to make the next big step. There was no one else Freddie would have rather done it with than Jane. She has, without a doubt, found the love of her life. Jane and her simply belonged together. Their friends claimed it was almost ridiculous sometimes, just how perfect they were together- still going strong after so many years, without barely a bump on the road. They were simply meant to be.

And they were going to have a baby, a little bundle of joy, the ultimate proof of their love.

That is, if Freddie actually managed to conceive.

There was no argument about who was going to carry the baby: Jane never felt the desire to get pregnant, while Freddie was perfectly comfortable- thrilled, even- with the idea. They planned it so beautifully, with Freddie taking time off work to concentrate on getting pregnant, and Jane supporting her through it whole-heartedly. They spent long months searching for the perfect donor, one with similar physical traits to Jane so their baby would look like a perfect mixture of them. It was such a wonderful plan, but for some reason, it refused to work.

As excited as she was, Freddie was also becoming a little exhausted, if she wanted to be honest- constantly getting poked and prodded and pumped full of hormones wasn’t a fun ride, she could tell that much.

But Jane had a good feeling today, and she seemed so genuinely excited, that Freddie couldn’t help but bask in her thrill. Maybe it was really going to work out, this time.

She smiled softly when Jane brought her hand to her lips, kissing her knuckles. It was such a heart-felt, romantic gesture, that Freddie almost forgot she was in a hideous paper gown, with her legs spread and put up in stirrups.

Almost.

The metallic clanking from the side made her jump, her little pink bubble burst. Dr. Kerry fiddled with something on the table next to her, before turning towards the couple with a mildly disinterested look on her face.

‘’I’m retrieving the sperm now.” She announced, voice almost robotic. Freddie wasn’t too fond of her, to be honest. Well, artificially inseminating an influx of women could have been an exhausting deal on the daily, but some more kindness would have been nice.

‘’Conception is more likely during sexual arousal. I’ll leave you two alone for a second.” She said flatly, trodding out of the room and pulling the door closed behind her.

Freddie frowned, glancing at her wife. She wasn’t sure she made the right assumption- but seeing as Jane was red to the tips of her ears, it was likely that she did.

‘’Okay, did she just…?” Jane croaked, eyes wide. Freddie giggled at her expression, rubbing a hand over her own, slightly flushed face.

‘’Suggest we have sex right here? I think she did.” She cackled. The outright ridiculousness of it all was making her lose her mind. That dead-eyed, frigid doctor really just told them to fuck on that examination table Freddie was supposed to get pregnant on. If that wasn’t peak satire, then Freddie wasn’t sure what it was.

‘’Maybe she was just joking.” Jane tried, glancing down at Freddie in disbelief. There was no way in Hell she was serious- what kind of doctor would encourage her patients to have sex in their office!?

There was a cheeky glint in Freddie’s eyes, and Jane knew they were about to do something that would be either incredibly sexy in a naughty, forbidden way, or something offensively stupid.

‘’I mean, we could give it a try.” Freddie countered. She was probably trying to aim for a seductive voice, but it came out so uncertain, it seized Jane’s heart. ‘’I really want this baby.” Freddie whispered, fiddling with the thin, blue sheet. ‘’I’m willing to do anything it takes…”

God, but was Jane absolutely awful at denying Freddie anything. And she wanted that baby too, so much. She wasn’t sure how turning Freddie on was going to help her conceive easier, but if that was their only chance to start their little family, than Jane was willing to take it.

‘’Okay.” Jane said, dropping to her knees with a determined look on her face. Freddie’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline as her wife rucked the sheets higher up on her thighs.

‘’Are we actually doing it?” She asked in utter disbelief. Jane didn’t reply, just pushed her head under the sheet, burying it between Freddie’s thighs.

‘’Darling, if it makes you uncomfortable, then…Oh, fuck.” Freddie’s voice broke on a moan as she felt Jane’s tongue sliding over her folds. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the wet and warm sensation, the tip pushing in slightly, teasingly, before lips wrapped around her clit, sucking gently…

But they were in the doctor’s office, damn it, and the paper gown kept crinkling, everything smelled of antiseptic, and this whole thing shouldn’t be sexy at all- it should be awful, weird, cringey.

Freddie couldn’t quite focus on that as Jane pushed her tongue inside her, fucking in and out of her slowly, spreading Freddie’s wetness around. Freddie closed her eyes, tilting her head back against the headrest, letting herself get lost in the feeling, the heat rising and rising as Jane’s tongue caressed and teased her, determined to take her as far as it was possible.

They weren’t just focusing on the baby-making part, anymore: Freddie relaxed more and more under Jane’s ministrations, her little whimpers getting more and more high-pitched, thighs shaking around Jane’s head. Jane squeezed her own thighs together, trying to relieve some of her own arousal. God, this was the weirdest thing they have ever done, and they have done a lot- but Jane would have lied if she said she didn’t love it.

The door opening, and the polite cough of dr. Kerry interrupted them. Jane scrambled out from under the sheet, landing on her ass in her haste. She quickly wiped her mouth, wanting the Earth to swallow her whole at the look dr. Kerry gave her.

Freddie had her eyes closed, successfully blocking the world around her- if she didn’t have to see the awkwardness, then it didn’t exist, right?

‘’Mrs. Hutton-Mercury?” Dr. Kerry spoke, not sounding too phased after the scene she just walked in on. ‘’Can you come with me for a second?”

Jane nodded, rising to her feet slowly. Her cheeks were still flaming, and she didn’t dare look at either the doctor or her wife.

She followed dr. Kerry to a different room obediently, a little confused as to why she was being pulled aside. Probably to be lectured about not fucking in a doctor’s office, her mind provided.  
Instead of berating her, dr. Kerry pointed at a microscope, inviting Jane to look into it.

‘’That is the donor’s sperm.” She announced as Jane squinted at the little squiggly things floating under the lens. ‘’What do you see?”

‘’They are slow.” Jane stated, feeling a stab of pain in her chest. They weren’t just slow, they were barely moving. Almost completely dead.

‘’No one is getting pregnant from these.” Dr. Kerry said, not much empathy in her voice. ‘’I’d advice looking for a different donor.”

Jane sighed deeply, pulling back from the microscope. God, Freddie will be crushed- so was she.

There goes that good feeling she had.

\--

Soon, all the boxes were emptied, the contents either landing on their rightful place, or just thrown over the bed if they didn’t feel like properly unpacking. It was exhausting enough as it was, and frankly, Paula just wanted to rest.

On one hand, she was grateful to leave her shitty old town behind- not many good memories tied her there, to be honest-, and on the other, she wasn’t sure how she was going to fit in here. She didn’t know anyone besides her fiancé. She had to quit her old job at the market, because traveling back and forth between London and her hometown wouldn’t be worth it. She would need to look around for something here, and she wasn’t too thrilled about the idea.

It would have been much easier if she had a few friends here, who could sort her out. Paula always preferred to be in company, latching onto those who were willing to give and feeding off their energy.  
She got way too bored if she had to spend too much time alone.

That was the only reason she was still tagging along with Kevin. He was pretty much the only one who stuck with her, who was by her side no matter what she did or what she said. Most of her ‘’friends”- the traitors- had abandoned her, claiming she was too selfish, and a horrible person to be around. But that was only because they weren’t artists like Paula. They simply couldn’t understand that level of emotional intelligence that she had. If she had a group with misfits like herself, with at least one artist, she would be much happier. She would be understood.

Kevin also didn’t understand her, but he loved her, and Paula adored being loved. She didn’t even like men all that much- to be honest, they never really did it for her. But she wasn’t gay, absolutely not. She just didn’t resonate with men as much as she was supposed to. She stayed with him, because Kevin didn’t know any better, and because he always showered her in much needed attention, even if her horrible friends and family cut her off. She followed him to London, so at least she wouldn’t be bored alone.

‘’Man, I need to sleep.” Kevin yawned throwing himself down on the bed. He sprawled out like a starfish, looking pleased with himself. ‘’Look around, Paula. This is our new home. Can you believe it? We are proper Londoners now!”

‘’I need to get a job.” Paula stated, not bothering to actually reply. Kevin was quite annoying sometimes, like a little puppy who was far too excited chasing his own tail. But he was nice, after all.

‘’Maybe you could look around today.” Kevin suggested, propping himself up on his elbows. ‘’Maybe make some friends, too.”

Paula hummed, examining their half-empty cupboards. How does one make new friends? It’s been a while since she had one. But Kevin was right: she needed to find her own group, otherwise she would be awfully bored. God knows what Londoner women did around here: shopping? Getting coffee? Going to the gym? She wasn’t sure where to start.

But the day was still young, and the weather was nice enough: she could use a walk, anyway, gather some inspiration for the book she was working on. Asking around for jobs, finding new friends. Sounded good to her.

‘’Can I have my cuddles? I’ve been up since four in the morning, and the drive was three hours long. I need some loving.” Kevin cooed, opening his arms. Paula frowned. God, he was so whiny. Paula was up early too, packing her stuff. And she was perfectly aware how long the drive was.

But Kevin was such a loyal puppy, he deserved a pat on the head, at least.

‘’Sure.” Paula said, voice devoid of any genuine emotion, and she climbed into bed with him.

\--

Brianna was early again, as usual. She glanced at her phone, groaning when she realized she needed to wait about half an hour before the rest of the group arrived. She was simply awful at managing her time: she was either late, or too early, nothing in between. One would think a professor of Astrophysics would be more familiar with the concept of time, but Brianna liked to defy expectations.

She sat at their usual table, skimming through today’s menu. It was nearing eleven, so she had to be quick if she still wanted to order breakfast. Brianna liked this place: it was LGBTQ-friendly, and served many vegan options. No wonder they chose this café as their usual hang-out spot with her friends.

She checked her phone for any texts, but nothing popped up yet. Freddie and Jane were probably still at the doctor’s- Brianna could only hope the IVF was successful this time, God knows they deserved it. Freddie and Jane would be awesome mummies, Brianna was certain of that. Regina was probably still sleeping- that bastard could pretty much decide what hours she wanted to work without any restrictions. Brianna considered calling her, just to rouse her from her sleep. Etta and Dinah were also probably still in bed- likely not sleeping, but doing something else entirely. Phoebe was at work, nearing her first break soon, Joan was probably working as well, and God knows what Petra and Georgia were doing. Brianna was totally alone for half an hour, and she sighed deeply upon the realization.

‘’Brianna?”

She dropped the menu upon hearing that voice. It had been a whole year, but Brianna would recognize it anywhere, amongst a thousand other voices. She could feel the spikes of anger, hurt and betrayal stabbing at her chest- sometimes, it was more tame, a low dull that she barely recognized, and on other days, it hurt so much it swept her off her feet completely.

Now, it was triggered with full force, and Brianna suddenly felt like pulling a Regina and flipping the table.

‘’Go away.” Was all she said through gritted teeth. She refused to look up, refused to look at her.

Silence. She hoped Tamara left, but she knew she didn’t have such luck. She could smell her perfume, the same one she always wore.

‘’I just wanted to say hello.” Tamara’s voice was unsure, quiet. One could almost feel sorry for her- almost. Brianna couldn’t, not after what she did.

‘’You have. Now, leave. Please.” She was begging her, and Brianna hated herself for being so weak. She hated Tamara with all her heart, but she didn’t hate her as much as she hated herself for being so messed up over her, even after all this time.

‘’Brianna…” Tamara’s voice was so weak, and Brianna could tell she was about to cry. When Tamara cried, Brianna would hug her close to her chest and caress her hair, talking her to sleep softly. Not anymore. She wasn’t going to break down. She was strong, and she was over her.

She wished she didn’t look up, because the pain in Tamara’s eyes nearly made her falter. She was still so beautiful, God, so much, if a little skinny, and a little pale. Her eyes were wet and pleading, and Brianna felt herself falter. Even after what happened, she could still feel herself crumble looking into those eyes.

She steeled herself, shaking her head. She wasn’t going to fall for that act. It was over between them, because Tamara ruined it. No matter how she cries and begs, Brianna wasn’t going to let her ruin her life again.

‘’Tamara, leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.” Getting those words out caused her physical pain, but she pushed through. Tamara hang her head, biting her lip. It appeared as if she wanted to say something, but decided not to.

‘’Okay.” She said, defeated. ‘’I understand.”

With that, she clutched her coffee to-go, and left Brianna, shoulders drooping. Brianna stared after her, feeling the tears prickling her eyes.

She grabbed her phone, typing a quick SOS message to her friends.

\--

‘’I’m not saying she was the best fuck I ever had…you know what, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Joan rolled her eyes, leaning her head against the glass. She had heard the same story so many times, in different settings, with different girls, and she was so bloody tired of it. She growled quietly at Petra’s giggles, trying to focus on the people walking their dogs outside, instead of her bullshit again.

‘’And she could really go all night?” Georgia asked, grinning with excitement. She twisted her body to peek at the backseat, and Joan kind of wanted to slap her for being so thrilled about Petra’s newest conquest.

Petra nodded vigorously. She flicked her braids over her shoulder, swatting Joan in the process and making her swear under her nose.

‘’She didn’t even let me reciprocate!” Petra laughed, clapping her hands in delight. ‘’I’m telling you, that woman was a fucking beast. I don’t understand how her arms weren’t falling off! She just kept fucking me, without a break!”

‘’She sounds awesome.” Georgia sighed dreamily. Regina, who so far didn’t contribute anything to the conversation, scoffed from behind the wheel.

‘’As if you haven’t been railed last night. I can see the hickey on your neck.”

Georgia blushed, gazing down at her lap. Joan felt selfishly giddy over the fact that the conversation wasn’t about Petra’s sexual life anymore.

‘’Are you still her dirty little secret?” Petra questioned, leaning forward. The movement made her shirt ride up, and Joan did her very best not to stare at the sliver of revealed skin.

‘’It’s not like that, okay?” Georgia protested, fiddling with her hair. She felt lucky that her hat covered her face when she was looking down, because she couldn’t handle the looks of her friends right now. 

‘’She’s just not ready to come out yet.”

‘’Will she ever do that?” Joan asked, raising an eyebrow. ‘’I think you two had been going back and forth for quite a while.”

‘’She’s making it big on her team, okay? She can’t risk her position. If she has a more secure place on the team, she will come out.” Georgia promised- although, she didn’t know why she kept saving face. It wasn’t as if it didn’t hurt her.

‘’Georgia, don’t make me regret picking you up.” Regina huffed, sending her a pointed look. ‘’These are just excuses. We don’t want to see you get hurt, you stupid bitch.”

‘’Damn right.” Petra cooed, squeezing her friend’s shoulder. She knew a few things about getting hurt- Joan completely ignoring her and acting like her having no strings-attached sex was such an awful thing, for example, was pretty hurtful.

She glanced at her, but Joan was stubbornly staring out the window. Petra scoffed. Let’s do it her way, then. She had no idea what has gotten into her friend, but if she wanted to be an asshole, then so be it. She would rather focus on talking some sense into Georgia, or worrying about Brianna’s SOS text- anything to take her mind off Joan.

Joan sighed, shaking her head. They were all a bunch of idiots, but then again, so was she- why couldn’t she just admit the truth? To face why she felt so angry and jealous anytime Petra mentioned sleeping with someone?

Because she was a coward. They dragged Georgia’s paramour for being in the closet, but she was way, way worse.

‘’I wonder what’s up with Brianna.” Regina said, biting her lip nervously. Brianna very rarely sent them SOS texts- that must have meant she was in real trouble right now. And by real trouble, Regina meant something romantic.

That was the problem with relationships, Regina thought. They always fucked you up. You were happy one moment, and then bam- suddenly, you found yourself crying, and your heart broken into pieces. She had her fair share of shit before, and seeing her friends constantly suffering only made her more certain that having relationships just wasn’t worth it. Georgia was constantly second-guessing herself, and look what happened to Brianna. Freddie and Jane, and Etta and Dinah were alright, but then they had to deal with some other shit that could dampen their mood- like the fact that Freddie’s insemination attempt failed again, according to her pissed-off text, or Etta’s situation with her homophobic parents. Petra was going around fucking whoever she wanted- and she was perfectly content. Maybe Regina should try on her shoes a bit, and just throw herself out there. Maybe seek out that legendary Addie Lambert that every sapphic in the area was drooling after, apparently she could fuck the self-doubt right out of you.

Certainly sounded much better than some stupid relationship again.

\--  
Etta ignored the chiming of her phone, sinking her teeth into Dinah’s shoulder. That made the brunette keen, her own fingers coming up to tangle in Etta’s hair. None of them felt like leaving the bed today- Dinah had an evening shift, and Etta had a day off. In their books, that meant having sex, and then having some sex with a side of sex.

They had only been together for three months, but Etta was sure she had found the one. Dinah was everything she needed: kind and compassionate, soft, but level-headed. And the sex was simply awesome- what else would she need? Everything was absolutely perfect.

She hooked her fingers until she bumped into Dinah’s G-spot. Her girlfriend shivered with a whine, before she pushed her own fingers deeper inside Etta in retaliation, making her swear.

Etta’s phone chimed again, and when that was ignored, someone texted Dinah. It seemed like someone really didn’t want them to have their morning bliss.

‘’Fuck, we have like twenty minutes until our meeting, what’s so fucking important?” Etta shrieked. She was getting close, could feel her orgasm creeping: Dinah’s breaths were irregular, her hips losing their rhythm against her hand. She was nearing the edge too, just a little bit more…

The ringtone was shrill and harsh, and Etta felt the urge to scream. She flailed around on the bedside table, harshly declining Freddie.

A thousand messages popped up, and Etta felt every ounce of her arousal shrink as she skimmed through them. It appeared as if Freddie’s IVF failed again, and Brianna was in some kind of SOS situation, and everyone was running in earlier to handle to situation.

‘’Just what we needed.” Etta sighed, pulling her fingers out of Dinah who sighed deeply.

‘’What’s wrong?”

‘’Brianna sent an SOS text. We should see about that. Also, Freddie is very much not pregnant.”

‘’Oh.” Dinah said softly. ‘’Sounds like we’re gonna patch a lot of wounds today.”

‘’Yeah.” Etta sighed, jumping off the bed to search for her dress. She could feel Dinah’s eyes on her, and she turned around with a questioning look.

‘’What?”

Dinah was hesitant for a while, before she spoke. ‘’Speaking of patching wounds…when are you going to introduce me to your parents?”

Etta groaned, shaking her head. They talked about this so many times, but Dinah didn’t seem to want to let go.

‘’I told you: my parents hate me. They don’t want to see me, and especially not with a chick on my arm, no matter how cute.”

‘’Maybe they have come around…?” Dinah tried. Etta shook her head, fishing Dinah’s skirt from the floor and throwing it to her.

‘’Let’s talk about this later, okay? Our lady-loving flock needs us.”

\--

There was still ten minutes left until her break, but it seemed like Phoebe had to run off earlier than she thought. SOS texts, and slow sperm? She was facing quite the day.

Her heart hammered inside her chest as she knocked on the door to her boss’ office, her cheeks flaming. It wasn’t so much the nerves of asking Dani to let her go earlier, more like the nerves of seeing her again. She was completely ridiculous, so hung upon her own boss- which was completely inappropriate- but Dani was giving off some signs, it seemed like sometimes she was flirting with Phoebe, and she had no clue what to make of that situation.

She did her best not to pass out when Dani sent her a charming smile that made her knees go weak.

‘’What can I do for you?” She asked, leaning back in her chair. God, she looked so powerful, in her white coat and sheer authority oozing off her, and she might be into Phoebe too- what kind of dream she was experiencing?

‘’Uhm, I might need to step off a little earlier. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Phoebe promised. Dani nodded with a smile.

‘’Sure, go ahead.”

‘’Thanks, doc.” Phoebe said, feeling her cheeks heat up when Dani gave her a look- and her stomach dropped immediately when Dani frowned.

‘’Can I have an indiscrete question?” Dani asked, eyeing Phoebe from head to toe. Phoebe gulped and nodded, not sure what to expect.

‘’Have you considered losing some weight?” Dani asked, and Phoebe could literally feel the shards of her broken heart piercing her skin. 

‘’Uhm…what?” She croaked. Dani sighed, looking almost sorry for her.

‘’Look, Phoebe, I don’t mean to be rude, but you work in children’s healthcare. You don’t want to be a bad example to them, right? They need to understand that obesity is dangerous, and if their nurse is overweight…I always meant to point that out, but there was never a good time.”

She said all that in such a sweet voice, like she was doing Phoebe a favor. Like she didn’t crush her entire being with her monologue, ripping her self-esteem to shreds.

‘’I’ll think about it.” Phoebe whispered, blinking hard not to let the tears fall. Dani gave her a thumbs up, before she went back to her paperwork.

Phoebe left Dani's office with her head hanging low, and her heart aching. Maybe Dani was right- maybe she really should lose some weight. Maybe then Dani would be actually into her. Maybe then she would get a chance at finding the one, because so far, no such luck.

She would need to find a personal trainer- but first, she needed to patch Brianna, and Freddie and Jane up.


	2. Let's Discuss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gets together to handle the emergency and solve the biggest mysteries of the universe, and Paula tries to make new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised you a coherent plot, but I lied lmao I just needed a big group therapy session with a bunch of stupid wlw.
> 
> There's some weight talk in this chapter, so please look out for that, if that sort of thing bothers you!

Brianna knew she must have been a sight with her head hanging low, face ashen and eyes red and irritated from tears barely kept at bay. She could feel the eyes of the other guests on her- that was the result of a café full of other gossipy gay people. Everyone wanted to get up in each other’s business, wanted to know the juicy details and constantly brewing urban legends. In this part of the city, you were ought to know everyone- familiar faces flooded the bookshops, the bars, the parks. It was practically impossible not to run into the couple with their three kids at the market, a better or worse one-night stand at the bar winking at you and hoping for another round, or an ex you were desperately trying to forget at your favorite, LGBTQ-friendly café, The Planet. The avenue was playfully deemed ‘’The Rainbow Quarter” for a reason. It was nice for a baby gay trying to fit in, hoping for a sense of belonging and familiarity, and it could get on one’s nerves after years of sometimes unwillingly getting to know people you would rather erase from your memory. If you fucked Martha two years ago, and then Kelly a year ago, you could be certain they were dating each other now, but only after they both had sex with your college crush who claimed she wasn’t gay when you tried to put the moves on her- now that crush is pining after your best friend Amber, whom you had a sort of friends with benefits relationship with some time ago, while Amber was in a romantic lingo with Kelly, who at that time was trying to break up with Martha’s ex who happened to be your college crush’s first lesbian experiment and one of your asshole exes. Almost everyone seemed to be connected around here- that was what Regina claimed fiercely. To prove a point, she created her so-called ‘’magnum opus”, The Chart, a bright white board on the wall of her living room, presenting the ever-expanding web of relationships on the sapphic side of the area. Permanent markers kept the memory of drunken hookups, long-term relationships and flings that eventually went nowhere. If Brianna closed her eyes, she could visualize The Chart, all the lines connecting all the girls: her own past was forever memorialized, along with her friends and less-friendly acquaintances. Okay, Regina had a point. Even if you didn’t fuck half of West-London, you still knew way too many people. Right now, Brianna hoped she didn’t, because she was exhausted of the peering eyes and the hushed whispers, the newly forged theories about her tense encounter with Tamara, which, apparently, wasn’t as quiet and subtle as she hoped it was.

She let out a sigh of relief when the little bell above the entrance rang, and the door opened to reveal her friends rushing in. She was saved from the searching eyes- they might have been vulnerable alone, but together, they were a force to reckon with. Everyone knew not to mess with their group: their friendship survived the test of time, stupid fights and romantic rivalries. Their bond only steeled after their conflicts, and now it was obvious nothing could tear them apart. They always had each other’s back, and took care of each other. They were a weird, sometimes a little bit dysfunctional family, but they loved each other dearly. Brianna knew she could always count on them: they all arrived half an hour before their daily scheduled meet-up, just to make sure she was okay. That warmed her heart enough to dry the tears in her eyes.

‘’We got your text, what happened?” Joan asked the second they reached her table. The worry was obvious in her eyes: Joan wasn’t the anxious type, and seeing her so worked up over the possibility of Brianna in danger made Brianna smile weakly. No matter how fucked up a situation was, her friends were here now, and they will take care of her.

‘’You should sit first.” She replied, surprised at how steady her voice was. She was slowly moving past the initial shock.

‘’You scared the shit out of us.” Regina added, plopping down next to her and playfully tugging on her curls. ‘’You better have a good reason, because I have a day off.”

‘’Seconded.” Etta chimed in, propping her feet up on Dinah’s lap comfortably. ‘’We had a nice morning interrupted.” She sent a dark look to her girlfriend, who blushed softly.

‘’Sorry about that.” Now Brianna actually felt a little shitty for making such a ruckus about this. It had been a year- she should really just move on. She should just shrug the whole thing off, it wasn’t worth this chaos. Her eyes drifted to Freddie and Jane, and her heart clenched. God, she was a terrible friend- other people had much bigger problems, like not achieving their dreams of having a baby, and here she was, sending SOS texts over an ex.

Phoebe must have sensed her second thoughts, because she covered her hand with hers, smiling at her warmly. ‘’It’s okay.” She promised. ‘’There’s a reason you sent that text, you must have been distraught. What happened?”

Brianna sighed, tapping her fingers against her mug. She hasn’t touched her herbal tea since she ordered it. It was certainly going cold. Her friends were watching her expectantly, the sheer nerves practically making the air vibrate around them. Maybe she was a terrible friend, but she needed them. She needed their comfort, their stupid jokes, their warm embrace. Anything to take her mind off a certain brunette.

‘’Tamara was here.” The words rolled off her tongue like a giant stone, dropping heavily in front of her. She could visualize them falling onto the table and breaking the mahogany with their sheer weight, causing her heart-patterned mug to drop onto the ground and shatter into a million pieces, just like her own heart did, a year ago. Such dark, painful words, and saying them out loud made the situation feel all too real again.

‘’Oh, no.” Georgia whispered, placing a hand over her mouth in shock. Her eyes were wide, blinking rapidly, as if she couldn’t comprehend the situation. Joan shook her head, murmuring something under her breath. Regina looked ready to murder someone, as expected.

‘’Please tell me you’re just joking.” She growled, hands balling into fists. Her muscles tensed, her entire body ready to jump up and run after that bitch that broke her friend’s heart. She wished she could strangle Tamara; she was more than willing to rip her into pieces with her bare hands. She hated the thought that she appeared again, triggering awful memories and ruining Brianna’s day. She was faring a little better now- not as good as Regina hoped she would, but she was making progress. And she knew Brianna all too well to know that seeing Tamara again will set her back again.

She cursed when Brianna shook her head, melancholic eyes glued to the table.

‘’That fucking bitch.” Regina snickered, causing the waitress who just cheerfully showed up to halt mid-way, her iPad hovering in the air cautiously. ‘’I swear to God, if she shows up again, I’ll wring her neck, and bend it back until she can shove it up inside her own ass, and make her look like a distorted swan…” Her friends cleared their throats loudly, making her snap out of her rant. ‘’What?” Jane nodded towards the waitress, who was still clearly trying to decide whether she should move along and not risk Regina’s wrath. 

‘’Oh, crap, sorry.” Regina chuckled, giving the poor girl a smile. ‘’I’ll take a cinnamon roll and a cappuccino, thank you.”

They quickly ordered, and when the waitress left, Regina turned back to Brianna.

‘’What did she want?”

‘’Didn’t exactly give her the chance to explain.” Brianna said, examining her nails. Now that she thought about it, Tamara sounded so defeated, so sad…maybe she should have heard her out…

‘’I can hear your self-doubt from here.” Jane said, rolling her eyes. ‘’Seriously, Brianna…”

‘’Something seemed wrong…” 

‘’Oh, no, you are not falling into her honey-trap.” Regina cut in, shaking her head so quickly she grew slightly dizzy with it. ‘’She’s trying to make you forgive her, and you’re NOT forgiving her!”

‘’I’m not saying I am.” Brianna held up her hands in defense. ‘’I’m just saying…”

‘’Brianna, she doesn’t deserve your soft heart.” Joan said. She looked even grumpier than usual, and Brianna could tell there was no place for an argument. ‘’She cheated on you.”

If Brianna’s words were a rock dropping down, then Joan’s were an entire mountain collapsing with a mighty rumble and destroying an entire village in its way.

‘’Thanks for reminding me.” Brianna muttered, reaching for her mug. She took a sip and winced. She was right, her tea was cold.

‘’Sorry.” Joan said, cringing a little when everyone gave her a death-stare. ‘’But I think we shouldn’t forget…”

‘’That she fucked someone else.” Petra cut her off, giving Joan a strange look. ‘’And as we know, you have a big problem with promiscuity.”

Oh, God. That was not why there were here- they should be comforting Brianna, trying to stop her from doing something stupid like forgiving Tamara, and here Petra was with a weird comment that made Joan’s stomach cramp up into a ball of nerves.

‘’What?” She croaked. Petra huffed, fiddling with one of her braids. She was avoiding Joan’s eyes now, but she was clearly still seething.

‘’You always act like I’m the biggest slut in town for having one-night stands, so clearly, it hurts your morals. But this is not about you, it’s about Brianna.”

‘’That’s not…fuck off, Petra.” Joan grumbled, stabbing her scrambled eggs with such force, the fork screeched against her plate. Freddie winced, finally being pulled out of her melancholy.

‘’Knock it off.” She mumbled, giving them a dark look. Her head was aching, she was exhausted, she was not pregnant, and she just wanted to scream. She felt sorry for Brianna, too, even though her opinion on the subject didn’t exactly correlate with the rest. She just wanted to comfort her friend, and then preferably go home to lick her wounds, but first, she had the urge to put her two idiotic friends back into their places. ‘’I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you two, but you have been at each other’s throats constantly lately. Petra can fuck whoever she wants, stop the fucking slut-shaming, Joan. And Petra, this is not about promiscuity, this is a completely different subject altogether. Will you two shut up, so Brianna call tell us about what happened? Thank you.”

The air seemed to have frozen around them. Freddie was always a heart-on-her-sleeve type of person, but she never really snapped at her friends like that. This failed insemination attempt clearly took a toll on her emotionally.

‘’You okay?” Jane asked, wrapping an arm around her wife. Freddie scoffed, stuffing a piece of blueberry muffin into her mouth so violently, it was a wonder she didn’t knock out her own teeth. Jane sighed, realizing she wasn’t getting an answer. She didn’t blame Freddie: she was tired, and sad, too. She had such a good feeling, and look where they ended up. Still no baby, and the constant disappointment was getting tiresome.

Joan and Petra glared at each other for a few seconds before they swallowed Freddie’s humble pie, and casted their eyes downwards obediently.

‘’Sorry.” Petra muttered. 

‘’Okay, then.” Brianna chuckled awkwardly, fiddling with her napkin. ‘’So, yeah. As Joan eloquently put it, Tamara cheated on me. I didn’t forget. I only said that she was being so strange, and…”

‘’And you felt sorry for her, which you shouldn’t.” Regina cut in again, eyes thunderous. ‘’Brianna, you’re supposed to be the smartest one of us, so…don’t be stupid.”

‘’I’m putting this in a fortune cookie.” Etta snickered, sticking her tongue out when Regina flipped her the bird. She turned to Brianna, grabbing her hand.

‘’Look, you know we are right. She messed up, she ruined her chances. If she cheats on someone as amazing as you, then she didn’t deserve you in the first place. She isn’t worth your precious time.”

‘’I guess you’re right.” Brianna said, though she didn’t sound too certain.

‘’Honestly, you’re better off without her.” Regina added. She licked sugar off her fingers with a hum. ‘’She was always being so weird.”

‘’She used to be our friend.” Freddie reminded her. She knew she wasn’t quite favored in terms of her opinion, but she was never entirely surely that completely ostracizing Tamara was the right decision. She was part of their group, their friend. She could get lost in her head sometimes, but so could Brianna- that was why they loved her. They were all different, unique in their own way. Freddie knew Regina was only saying that, because she wanted to make sure Brianna would stay away from Tamara. Sure, Freddie wasn’t defending cheating, but she always wondered if there was more to the story. Tamara adored Brianna, the idea that she went off and slept with someone else just didn’t make sense. The whole thing was a blurry, incoherent mess.

‘’And now, she’s not.” Georgia said simply, giving Freddie a subtle head-shake, as if to say ‘’not now”.

‘’Relationships are fucking messy.” Regina grumbled. She looked over her friends: Brianna was cheated on by someone she thought was the love of her life. She hasn’t recovered since. Freddie and Jane were struggling to start a family. Etta and Dinah were still a relatively new couple, but there was trouble in Paradise already, what with Etta’s parents not wanting to get to know Dinah, while the latter wanted to finally meet the in-laws. Georgia desperately wanted to make her relationship public with her girlfriend, Jill, who just signed a contract with a bigger football team, and wanted to keep it a secret. No matter where she looked, there was a plethora of problems. Relationships were simply set to fail- or at least crumble, but it couldn’t be sunshine and rainbows all the time. And if Regina wanted to be honest, that was exactly what she was looking for in a relationship. She wanted sweetness, happiness, a little piece of Heaven on Earth. Her parents were constantly at each other’s throats, and sometimes the fights got out of hand and turned physical. Regina didn’t want her own relationships to become a battlefield, too. She had nice girlfriends, and nice boyfriends, too; but there were always fights, teary break-ups and shattered dreams. She saw all that, experienced all that, and she was tired. Her chart at home had been a little boring, nowadays; she should add a few new conquests to her own name- strictly just sex, nothing more.

‘’I decided that from now on, I’m having no-strings-attached sex, without feelings, whether Joan likes it or not.” She reached out and ruffled her friend’s hair playfully, but still earned a smack for her troubles.

‘’I don’t need all this bullshit. I’m going out, and getting laid. Bri, you should come with.”

‘’No, thanks.”

‘’Why? Having a mind-blowing orgasm is the surefire way to get over your past demons. You won’t be thinking about Tamara Staffell’s cheating ass between a pair of excellent thighs.”

‘’If I want to get between someone’s thighs, or want someone to get between mine, you will be the first to know.” Brianna chuckled, rolling her eyes. ‘’But sex with no feelings is not for me.”

‘’Boring.” Freddie joked, feeling a little better after spending some time with her friends. Their energy could always boost her a little, even when she was feeling down.

‘’Hey, you.” Jane teased, bopping her on the nose. ‘’Watch it.”

‘’Or what?” Freddie played along, fluttering her eyelashes at her wife. ‘’Are you going to spank me?”

‘’I’m glad to see you’re doing better.” Phoebe laughed softly. Freddie shrugged, laying her head on Jane’s shoulder.

‘’I guess I can’t keep moping.” She replied. Jane kissed her forehead lovingly.

‘’We will try again.” She said encouragingly. Freddie sighed, scrunching up her nose.

‘’I’m just a little tired, is all. My eggs are so swollen from the hormones, they are turning into ostrich eggs.”

‘’And yet, they don’t hatch.” Georgia chimed in sadly. Freddie chuckled, flicking her straw at her.

‘’They don’t. Seriously, why did I think this is going to be easy? I thought I just get injected with some jizz, and get knocked up right away.”

‘’I’m sorry that it’s so difficult.” Brianna said, voice genuine. Freddie smiled at her sadly.

‘’Yeah, well…I remember my father saying I will never have kids, because I’m a lesbian. Guess he was right.”

‘’No, he wasn’t.” Jane said quickly, squeezing her hand. ‘’Your father was just being homophobic. But he has come around since then, and he knows, and everyone knows, that it’s not true. We’re going to have a baby.”

‘’Why don’t you try the other way around?” Petra asked. Regina laughed out loud.

‘’Can you imagine a pregnant butch?”

‘’I don’t even want to.” Jane chuckled. ‘’I just don’t want to get pregnant, but it has nothing to do with me being a butch, or Freddie being femme. Heteronormativity is not really our thing. I just…don’t want to, and Freddie does.”

‘’Totally valid.” Regina said, raising her mug like a champagne glass. ‘’Your body, your choice. If you don’t want to get pregnant, it’s totally okay. And if Freddie is excited about having a little alien inside her, then who are we to judge?”

‘’Did you just compare my hypothetical baby to a horror movie?” Freddie whined, and Regina shrugged with a grin.

‘’I mean, it lives inside you, feeds off of your energy…and when it comes out, you will be screaming.”

‘’Oh, to be doing that already.” She sighed deeply.

‘’I’m pretty sure you will regret that statement once your vag is splitting in half in the labor room.” Etta said casually, making everyone wince.

‘’Sweetie, that’s disgusting.” Dinah groaned, before she turned to Jane.

‘’So, you said Freddie’s father had come around?”

‘’Oh, not this, again.” Etta groaned, glaring at her girlfriend. Dinah frowned.

‘’What? This means it’s possible, and…”

‘’Dinah, stop, okay? Freddie’s father is not my father.”

‘’Thank God, I would be doomed with a sibling like you.” Freddie joked, trying to ease the mood. She didn’t want her friends to get into a fight, again. This group therapy session was working out really well: Brianna was smiling again, and her and Jane were also feeling slightly better. Petra and Joan also stopped hissing at each other like a pair of feral cats; everything was working out beautifully, so far, and they really didn’t need another conflict on their hands.

‘’Let’s see, how we are faring.” Regina said, leaning back in her chair comfortably. She grabbed her phone and opened the notes, typing away. Whenever they came together like that, they discussed everyone’s problems and tried to find a solution. Regina, who worked at a women’s magazine, was basically obsessed with giving advice and nosing into her friends’ lives. She was a little bit over the top with that, perhaps- not everyone enjoyed being up on The Chart, for instance- but she enjoyed being a helping hand, and liked being on top of the freshest gossip, too. ‘’So, Brianna had seen her asshole ex, and it obviously upset her. We- I hope- successfully talked her out of forgiving that messy, cheating piece of shit.”

‘’Reg…” Phoebe said softly, not wanting the mood to go sour again.

‘’Freddie and Jane need some more IVF sessions- sorry about that, champs, really. I’m so rooting for you, we all do.”

A series of coos followed that statement, making Freddie and Jane blush.

‘’Etta and Dinah- trouble in paradise?”

‘’Come on..” Dinah groaned, hiding her flushing face in her hands. ‘’It’s not trouble, we just can’t agree on something.”

‘’Which is exactly the definition of trouble.” Regina replied easily. Etta shook her head, eyes rolling so far back into her head, she was scared they would stuck.

‘’Stop psychoanalyzing us, Reg. Save that for your next article with your readers.”

‘’Anyways,” Regina continued, ‘’Petra and Joan have some kind of beef, but no one knows what the fuck is their problem. Care to explain, ladies?”

‘’Regina, we are all having such a good time, why…?” Phoebe whined, but Regina ignored her, her searching eyes fixated on the aforementioned pair.

‘’So?”

Petra shrugged, and Joan kept her resolute gaze on the table. It was Petra, that finally spoke. ‘’I don’t know. Joan is being weird to me lately, and I don’t know why.”

‘’I’m not.” Joan mumbled under her nose. Regina did nothing to save her from the situation.

‘’You kind of are, Deaky.” She said, making her flash a pair of angry eyes at her. ‘’But it seems like the problem roots deeper, so we should get back to that later.”

Joan rolled her eyes. One day, she will strangle Regina for being too immersed in her friends’ love lives. What did it matter, that she couldn’t come to terms with her own feelings? That she was being in agony all the time? That seeing Petra going off with different girls every night was torture?

It wasn’t Regina’s fault, really, but Joan didn’t want to be reminded of her own misery all the time.

At least Petra agreed with her on that. ‘’If you claim you hate relationships so much, why are you so nosy about the rest of us?” Petra asked with a challenging gaze. ‘’For someone who just swore no more feelings, you sure are obsessed with them.”

‘’I said no relationships for me, didn’t say anything about you all.” Regina dodged the bullet quickly. She moved onto her next point.

‘’Guess nothing changed for Georgia and Jill.”

‘’We talked about this like an hour ago, clearly nothing changed.” Georgia said, rolling her eyes. ‘’Yes, Jill still hasn’t announced her bisexuality publicly. But she needs to secure her new place, this team is super important to her. She can’t risk it immediately by telling the world she likes chicks, too.”

‘’Excuses, excuses.” Etta sang, and Georgia threw a pinch of salt at her with a huff.

‘’Everyone is so salty today.” She chuckled, letting Dinah brush the salt off her dress.

‘’I mean, exes re-appearing, relationship problems, and baby-making problems?” Freddie chuckled, playing with a loose thread of Jane’s shirt. ‘’We’re not even salty, we’re a salt mountain.”

‘’Phoebe,” Regina continued, making the latter shrink several inches on her seat, ‘’how about you? Can I add you and Dani to the chart yet?” She finished it with a suggestive eyebrow-wriggle, and Phoebe had the urge to scream.

She could almost forget about Dani. She focused so much on her friends’ misery, that her own seemed dim in comparison. Now, the memories of earlier rushed back to her brain, and she wanted to die from the embarrassment.

‘’Oh, right.” Petra grinned. ‘’Have the sexy doctor examined your orifices yet?”

Phoebe hang her head, cheeks turning crimson red in shame. She had been gushing about her criminally hot boss to her friends for ages, and they were all waiting on pins and needles for any new update- now they were getting one, just not the type they were hoping for. Hell, definitely not the type Phoebe was hoping for.

She ignored Brianna’s comment on how inappropriate this was, considering Dani was a pediatrician. She sighed deeply, staring down at her hot chocolate. She shouldn’t have drunk that- no wonder she was so fat like Dani said, eating so much sugar…

‘’Well, I don’t think she would want to.” She said quietly, ears burning. ‘’She asked me if I considered losing weight, because a fat nurse is endangering the children.”

The horrified gasps of her friends were so loud, they made a few other guests look over.

‘’I’m gonna kill her, too.” Regina offered, looking outright murderous. ‘’That piece of shit!”

‘’How can someone say something like that?” Georgia cried. ‘’This is awful, I’m so sorry, cutie.”

‘’You don’t believe that crap, right?” Etta checked carefully. She knew what it was like to suffer from body-image issues: she wasn’t exactly rail thin either, and she had a hard time accepting herself. Now, she was perfectly comfortable in her body, and Dinah was partially to thank for that. Phoebe deserved someone like that, too, someone who loved her exactly the way she was. 

‘’I mean…” Phoebe looked down on herself with a displeased look. ‘’She’s not exactly wrong.”

‘’No, that’s bullshit!” Freddie cut in. “Darling, you’re beautiful. Dani can go fuck herself.”

‘’Maybe hitting the gym occasionally isn’t such a bad idea.” Phoebe said quietly. ‘’I could ask one of the trainers there to help me put together a diet plan…”

‘’Look, if you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, then sure.” Brianna said softly. ‘’But do it for yourself. Not for someone else. I personally don’t think you should lose weight, but we want what’s best for you.”

‘’Yeah.” Joan said with a smile. ‘’We support you, no matter what you decide to do.”

‘’Thanks, guys.” Phoebe replied, blinking away a few stray tears. Regina sighed, shaking her head. Phoebe always got her heart broken. She was rooting for her and Dani so much. Another reason why falling in love was a bad idea.

‘’You need to come and get laid with me.” Regina said, gently brushing Phoebe’s hair out of her face. ‘’You need to find Addie Lambert. I’m sure she could make you feel better.”

‘’I don’t want her.” Phoebe said, shaking her head. ‘’I just want someone who loves me without conditions.”

‘’You find Addie Lambert, if you’re so interested.” Jane said, shaking her head. ‘’Let Phoebe be.”

‘’I might just do that.” Regina hummed. Not a bad idea- Addie Lambert was legendary for being the best lay in the area. Her name had the most connected lines on The Chart- maybe she should find a way to connect themselves…

‘’I had sex with her.” Petra threw in casually, making everyone splutter around her.

‘’What!?” Regina shrieked. Joan was tempted to make a comment, but decided to keep it to herself.

Petra grinned, puffing her chest out with pride. ‘’Last night. Remember about the girl who could go all night? It was her.”

‘’Fucking Hell,” Georgia gasped, ‘’why didn’t you say so!?”

‘’I wanted to, but I couldn’t finish, because the conversation went to your girlfriend!”

Joan suddenly felt like throwing up. She stared at her plate, trying to remember how to breathe.

Regina shook her head in disbelief. This was unacceptable- Petra had sex with lesbian Casanova, and she hadn’t!? It was really time she upped her game.

As a first lay on her journey to emotionless, deliciously free hookups, Addie Lambert sounded just perfect.

\--

The entire café was swimming with gay people, that much was obvious. Paula’s eyes nearly fell out of her head as she looked at the gay and trans pride flag above the door, then at the gay and lesbian couples and friends having brunch. The Planet didn’t sound very gay at first hearing, but it seemed like she was wrong.

She had experience as a barista, and she figured she could sniff around for a job a little bit. The atmosphere immediately pulled her in: she wasn’t gay, obviously, but she was fascinated by them. And truth be told, women were hot- Paula had fantasized about them a couple times while she was having miserable sex with her miserable boyfriend. It seemed like London was much more accepting of that kind of lifestyle than her old town was- maybe she really wasn’t going to be bored here.

Her eyes settled on a group at a large table, loud and attention-demanding. They seemed to be really close friends, joking around with each other and shrieking with laughter.

Paula took each of them in. There was an inarguably gorgeous blonde typing away on her phone. Her clothes were extra fashionable, not a single accessory out of place. She cursed a lot, ruining her perfect, angelic image. She was hot as hell, a typical beauty by Western standards, someone Hollywood would eagerly choose as the pretty lead in their next romantic comedy.

The curly one was not that beautiful in Paula’s opinion. Her features were a little sharp, her nose was a little too big, and she was a little too thin. But her legs were nice, seemingly endless under the table. She was mostly quiet, but when she spoke, her voice was warm and kind, her movements elegant.

The one next to her was gorgeous with her braids, and her dark eyes, oozing sexual energy with every tilt of her head. Her laughter was super annoying, though, and Paula shook her head. Too bad someone that beautiful was an idiot.

A girl with reddish-brown hair was staring at her longingly. She had a more athletic built than the rest, balancing on the fine line between feminine and masculine. When she grinned, she revealed a gap in her teeth. Not Paula’s type either.

She didn’t really linger too much on the fat one- she was an experimental type, willing to try anything, but she preferred skinny women. She wasn’t all that hung upon the one with the reddish-blonde her, either: she was also a little chubby, and she dressed horribly. Paula thought she looked like a parrot in all those colors and patterns. She had an arm around a brunette, who was kind of cute, but nothing special in Paula’s opinion.

Someone else was also dressed quite stupidly, random patterns and colors everywhere, and a hat on her head to top it off- at least that one was pretty, albeit her nose was also a little too big.

Her eyes settled on the last couple- she had to do a double take to make sure one of them wasn’t a man with her short hair and masculine clothes. Only her voice gave her away. Paula was much more focused on the woman under her arm, the one that was so beautiful it took her breath away.

She had long black hair that fell over her shoulders in lush curls, deep brown eyes and warm skin, sinfully plump lips and high cheekbones. She was slim, but had curves at just the right places. She was perfect, except for that overbite she kept flashing at her friends- still, Paula couldn’t stop staring at her. She was the hottest thing she had ever laid her eyes on, and suddenly, she wasn’t sure that she wasn’t gay anymore.

The women were all so different, so strange-exactly what Paula needed. A group of mismatched misfits. They would appreciate her kind. She could give it a try.

She made her way over to them, suddenly hit with a burst of confidence. She felt drawn to that group, by an invisible force- she felt like they could make good friends. The woman of her dreams looked up and gave her an uncertain smile, and Paula’s heart fluttered.

‘’Hi.” She greeted them, straightening her back. Everyone stopped talking and turned to look up at her questioningly.

‘’I’m new here.” Paula explained, giving the girls a tight-lipped smile. The blonde raised an eyebrow.

‘’To The Planet, or the lesbian scene?” She asked. She sounded a little suspicious. Paula tried to make her smile a little warmer.

‘’To London.” She clarified. ‘’I’m with my boyfriend. Fiancé.”

‘’Oh, congratulations.” The curly one said, and Paula nodded, her eyes drifting back to the black-haired beauty. Her man-looking girlfriend noticed her staring, and she frowned.

‘’Can we help you somehow?” She asked. There was a sort of challenging edge to her tone, and Paula couldn’t help but grin. She loved challenges.

‘’I’m looking for a job.” She said, nodding towards the counter. ‘’I was hoping I could be hired as a barista.”

‘’I think they are looking for someone, actually.” The one with the hat said, giving her a small smile. She was much prettier from up close, but she still didn’t look as hot as the one that Paula couldn’t take her eyes off.

‘’I’m also trying to set my foot here.” She explained. ‘’Looking for friends. It’s hard to fit in, when you’re a total stranger.”

‘’Oh, that’s true.” The beautiful one said, and Paula’s smile widened. She really was perfect- gorgeous, kind, understanding. ‘’Wanna sit with us?”

Paula felt like she was floating. She didn’t realize this was going to be so easy- she was accepted right away! 

Some of the girls seemed suspicious, some of them were smiling at her kindly- Paula knew she would fit in right away. She was an oddball like them, she could immediately tell. She found her group. She wasn’t going to be lonely here. She’s going to have friends, and she’s going to have a job. She wasn’t an emotional failure like her old friends said. Look how easily she was making connections!

‘’Welcome to London.” The beautiful one said when Paula sat, reaching her hand out for her to take. Paula took it eagerly, marveling at how small and soft her hand was. ‘’I’m Freddie.”

‘’I’m Paula. Paula Prenter.” Paula replied. She looked over the group, smiling at each one of them. She had to be nice, so they would let her in. That’s how you make friends, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paula's opinion on the girls' appearance doesn't reflect mine- Paula is just an asshole, as expected.
> 
> Please, tell me what you thought, comments make me thrive!


	3. Looming Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phoebe takes a leap but doesn't quite get what she expects; Jane has good news for Freddie; Georgia's mind is occupied by self-doubt; someone catches Regina's eye, and Paula is a fucking creep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, as I'm working with a very large set of characters, I won't be able to feature every single girl and every single pairing in each chapter- but I'll try my best and make sure everyone will get the same love they deserve!
> 
> This chapter is also pretty smutty, so be prepared for that.

Phoebe has never felt so out of place in her whole life; like a frightened kid on their first day of school, she stood by the entrance, clutching onto her water bottle for dear life, the only thing keeping her anchored and safe. She had about half a mind to just turn right around and walk away- it was still not too late to run, right? If she just inched backwards, just a little bit, no one would even notice she was there, and no one could question her sudden disappearance.

What the Hell was she even doing at a gym, of all places? She had no idea what half the equipment here was, or how to use them. She had zero idea on where to start. Simply fueled by heartache and deep self-esteem issues, she decided not to dwell on things like she usually would, and before she could have changed her mind, she was already signing in by the reception desk. Now, she desperately wished she mulled this over a little bit longer, because the awkwardness of standing around and staring at the other guests was not exactly helpful.

Wherever she looked, she saw men and women in incredibly fit states, washboard abs and sinewy legs, and she crossed her arms over her middle self-consciously. She felt absolutely inadequate in her grey t-shirt and leggings. She didn’t even have proper gym clothes- not like she would be willing to do push-ups in just a training bra, mind you. But she has never felt like less belonging anywhere, and anyone with eyes could tell how ridiculously uncomfortable she was.

She was so occupied by staring in horror as someone- who looked more like a grilled chicken than an actual human with horrible artificially tanned skin and scarily large muscles- lifted something that looked like a ton of weight over his head with an agonized expression on his face, that she didn’t even notice someone standing next to her, before they spoke.

‘’Hey, can I help you?”

Phoebe flinched slightly, snapping out of her thoughts. She opened her mouth to talk, but no sound came out at the sight of the woman smiling up at her.

She was easily the hottest woman Phoebe has ever seen in her whole life, and she literally had Dani as her boss, who- objectively- looked like a fucking supermodel. This girl, though, was every single wet dream coming alive, every fantasy of a yearning femme manifested in a frankly mind-blowing body.

Her dirty blonde hair was cut short, only slightly longer at the top to reveal an undercut- the ‘’female fuckboy hair” as her friends often joked, but she made it work incredibly well. She was short, much shorter than Phoebe, and she sub-consciously hunched a little to not tower over her so much. Her body was simply insane, lean, but hard muscles in her bare arms and legs, and Phoebe tried to keep her eyes from falling out. The duality of the girl was, what blew her mind completely: despite her butch exterior, the sheer power her body held, she had an incredibly kind face with beautiful blue eyes and an adorably cheeky smile, complete with glasses that topped the entire visual experience. Phoebe tried to remember if she had been hit by a car on her way, and was now waking up in Heaven, but her brain was way too fried to come up with an explanation to this beautiful vision standing in front of her.

‘’I, uhm, I…just came. I-I mean, came to…work out?” Lord, but was she losing her entire mind, clearly, unable to form a coherent sentence. If her friends saw her now, they would have a field day.

The girl didn’t seem too phased by her struggle. She just nodded, as if Phoebe actually presented her with a useful information other than incoherent, flustered babbling, and gave her a smile that could have melted butter.

‘’So, new here, I assume?” She asked, and Phoebe nodded, wisely deciding to keep her mouth shut and save herself from more potential embarrassment. The girl reached out her hand, and Phoebe needed a few seconds to understand she was meant to shook it. She had a strong, but polite grip, and Phoebe desperately tried not to imagine what those hands could do- God, she was turning into Freddie, who somehow managed to pick her wife up by musing about the size of her fingers.

‘’I’m Jennifer Fanelli, but most people just call me Jenny. I work here as a personal trainer.” She explained. Phoebe immediately mourned the loss of contact when she pulled her hand back. Jenny looked at her expectantly, and Phoebe cleared her throat awkwardly, realizing she had to introduce herself, too.

‘’Phoebe Freestone. It’s…really nice to meet you.” She added politely, trying not to seem like an even bigger idiot.

‘’The pleasure’s mine.” Jenny replied softly. ‘’So, what brought you here?”

Isn’t it obvious, Phoebe thought bitterly. She shifted on her feet, sucking in her stomach.

‘’I want to lose some weight.” She admitted quietly, cheeks burning up in embarrassment. She was expecting a comment akin to ‘’yeah, you really should”, or ‘’what took you so long?”, the usual nagging she often heard from people.

Instead, Jenny just kept on smiling. Phoebe wasn’t sure if that was a requirement on her job, or if she really was that sweet, but she really liked it.

‘’I see. May I ask why?”

The question caught her off-guard. She wasn’t sure what to make of it: she thought it was simply a given, that she had to lose weight, no matter the why. Weren’t personal trainers supposed to immediately push you onto the training bars and make you sweat until you felt like dying? And weren’t they supposed to encourage changing your body, no matter for what reason?

‘’Uhm…” Phoebe croaked, awkwardly fidgeting with her ponytail. Jenny saved her from the situation with another smile, her voice never losing its natural kindness.

‘’I mean, doctor’s orders, feeling insecure, or just asshole people in general?” Jenny clarified. She stepped forward, politely indicating for Phoebe to follow. They made their way through the various equipment and sweating bodies, with Jenny constantly peering behind herself to check Phoebe was behind her. The little acts of kindness made Phoebe’s heart flutter happily- she was already falling, again, which was always bound to end in tears. She bit her lip and casted her eyes downwards, trying to avoid the mesmerizing eyes and the gorgeous biceps.

‘’The last two.” Phoebe replied, feeling extremely embarrassed. She didn’t really enjoy laying this all out so bare, all her flaws and misery, but Jenny simply oozed understanding and empathy.

‘’I’m sorry about that.” She replied. They reached something that looked like a bench, and Jenny leaned on it, her stance casual and yet so powerful, and Phoebe tried not to drool. ‘’Look, I’m going to be honest with you, Phoebe. When someone comes to me with the desire to lose weight, I always check in with them to see the reason. It might sound a little weird to you, but my philosophy is that you should never change for someone else. I know I’m kind of talking against myself here, because I’m literally getting paid to train people, but I really don’t want to push you onto a life-altering path if not necessary. If it’s not a medical emergency, or an emotional one, then I would prefer not to make you do anything radical. Just gaining a bit of physical strength, and hopefully, confidence.”

Once again, Phoebe wondered if this was actually real. Was Jenny just messing with her? Will that kind monologue be followed up by teasing, a cruel joke?

But nothing of the sort happened. Jenny seemed genuine, patiently waiting for Phoebe to reply, which- once again- took her a while.

‘’I haven’t expected this.” Phoebe said, honestly. Despite her initial worry, she felt like she could trust Jenny. Or maybe she was just blinded by her muscles. All the same, she could feel the ice slowly melting.

‘’I kind of thought you would send me on the suffer-bench right away, and tell me to eat raw vegetables and nothing else for the rest of my life.”

Phoebe has heard many pretty things in life, but Jenny’s laughter was by far the most beautiful sound of them all.

‘’There are some personal trainers who might do that, but trust me, they are actually endangering you. I want what’s best for you, okay? I care about you’re well-being first and foremost, and I’ll try to keep that in mind always, if you decide to work with me.”

And I’ll try not to imagine myself in a wedding dress on your side ten minutes after meeting you, Phoebe thought. She wisely kept that to herself, and just nodded with a smile instead.

‘’I would like to try.” She said, a little coyly. Jenny grinned, patting her arm in a very gentle way, but the slight touch still made her skin tingle.

‘’Awesome! Well, we should start with some warm-up, if you’re ready.”

‘’I think I am.” Phoebe said earnestly, her smile reflecting Jenny’s.

Maybe coming here was really not such a bad idea, after all.

\--

The water was pleasantly cool, caressing her skin with its silky touch, and Freddie sighed happily, resting her head against the edge of the pool. The best purchase they had ever made, clearly. Ever since they decided to have a built-in pool in their backyard, Freddie pretty much spent all her free days relaxing in it, enjoying the way the slight pressure eased the ache in her muscles.

She ran a hand across her stomach under the water, fingertips grazing over the sore marks left by the needles. She knew she couldn’t spend her every waking minute mourning the lack of her hypothetical baby, but it was hard not to dwell on it. She was more than ready to take that next step, to start their little family, but for some reason, fate seemingly had other plans.

Freddie often thought about how different life-stages her and her friends were at, despite all of them being roughly the same age: she was married and working on having a child, while Petra was out there fucking everything that moved. Etta and Dinah were only in the early stages of their relationship, still wearing their rose-tinted glasses, and clearly not being able to handle a conflict yet. Georgia and Jill had been dating for about a year now, but they were held back by Jill’s insistence of her coming out ruining her career. Brianna was still hung upon her ex-girlfriend, Joan was single and not really seeming like she wanted to change that, poor Phoebe constantly fell for every pretty girl who was sort of polite to her and then had her heart shattered every single time, and Regina suddenly just declared her need of avoiding relationships at all costs, and instead reverting back to a hormone-filled teenager.

And then there was Paula Prenter, the new girl in town, whom Freddie wasn’t sure what to make of yet.

She seemed nice, polite and humble, but there was something about her that made her stand out. She seemed like the type that gets lost in her head easily, and at the same time, she desperately sought out company, immediately placing herself into the middle of their conversation. Things turned a somewhat awkward turn after she sat with them, as they weren’t sure how to include a total stranger in their conversation- especially someone whose sexuality was unclear. The Planet was visited by LGBTQ-folks often, but they weren’t the only ones who showed up. Though if Freddie wanted to be honest, she did catch a few vibes: the lack of enthusiasm when she was asked about her fiancé, the overtly curious eyes whenever a same-sex couple kissed near them. There wasn’t any sort of judgement in those looks, not even an alien sense of not knowing: those eyes asked if this was allowed here, if this was real, and in a way, it made Freddie’s heart clench. She used to be like that, when she was younger, staring at the out and proud couples with tears in her eyes, yearning pulling at her chest. She might have been wrong, Paula could have been a very accepting straight girl, but if there was one thing that Freddie was known for, it was her impeccable gaydar. 

Paula didn’t talk too much about herself; she seemed to have preferred listening and getting information, trying to get to know as much and as quickly as possible. She seemed impressed by the fact that Freddie was a graphic artist, excitedly telling her about the book she was working on. It was the case of artists connecting to other artists; besides that, it seemed like Paula has taken a great liking to Freddie right away, and this warmed her heart. After their conversation, it turned out Paula and her fiancé actually moved into the house next to Freddie and Jane’s, which delighted her to no end. ‘’It seems like it’s inevitable we become friends” she told Freddie, which earned a few looks from the rest of the group and especially from Jane, but Freddie didn’t think too much of it. She liked making new friends, and Paula- as dopey and melancholic she appeared- was perfectly nice.

She looked up at the sound of Jane’s shoes creaking on the cobble, and gave her a smile. Jane was grinning excitedly, shrugging off her bag and throwing it to the ground, uncharacteristically enthusiastic. She rushed over to the pool, dropping to her knees and kissing the top of Freddie’s head.

‘’After all these years, you’re this excited to come home to me. I must be doing something right.” Freddie grinned. Jane chuckled softly, taking Freddie’s slightly wet hands into hers, squeezing them gently.

‘’I have great news.” She grinned, voice dripping with sheer joy. Freddie’s heart gave a hopeful little jolt despite her trying to not get her hopes up, clutching Jane’s hands tighter.

‘’What is it, my darling?”

‘’Remember Colin, my best friend from college?”

‘’Oh, the gay dude that looks a lot like you, so much in fact that I thought you two were siblings when I first saw him? The one with the husband and the adorable adopted kids?”

‘’Yes. I met up with him after work, and we had a little chat. I told him about our struggles with the IVF.”

‘’And?” Freddie asked, cheeks flushing in excitement. Jane’s grin widened, and she seemed seconds away from bouncing.

‘’He said he is more than happy to help and provide us with a sample of his sperm.”

Usually, the mention of sperm probably wouldn’t make Freddie squeal as hard as it did now, but currently, the only thing she could think about was what this might mean for them: if everything checked out with Colin, they could finally have their baby.

‘’Oh, my God!” Freddie screamed, turning around quickly to fully face Jane, splashing water everywhere in the process. ‘’Darling, this is wonderful! And he looks a lot like you, too!”

‘’Exactly what we have been hoping for.” Jane smiled, cupping Freddie’s face with both hands. She planted a sweet kiss on her lips, tasting slightly of coffee and sheer happiness. ‘’Would you like that, Kitten? If we asked Colin for help?”

‘’Hell to the fucking yes!” Freddie laughed, wrapping her arms around Jane’s neck and pulling her in for another, deeper kiss. She probably shouldn’t become too over-enthusiastic- it has happened before, being too excited and then getting dropped on her face, but she couldn’t help herself. Every single opportunity was meant to be grabbed, and celebrated. Moping about, and crying won’t help: maybe if they both approached the subject with their outmost positive attitude, something good could finally come out of it.

She accidentally tugged Jane a little too close, causing her to fall into the water with a loud splash and a yelp. She quickly returned to the surface, spluttering and laughing.

‘’My clothes are soaked!” Jane laughed, splashing water at Freddie who squealed, wiping her eyes.

‘’Then take them off.” Freddie purred, leaning back against the edge of the pool with a sultry look. Jane arched an eyebrow, feeling hot arousal flash across her body right away. It was incredible, how after spending so much time together with Freddie, her wife could still light her fire like no one could, was still able to occupy her every thought with a cheeky text sent while Jane was working, a quirk of her perfectly shaped eyebrows, a tongue peeking out and running over her full bottom lip, the liquid fire in her deep brown eyes. It wasn’t even the yellow bikini that stood out against her skin beautifully, the deep cleavage or the large sum of uncovered skin, but the genuine happiness, the joy and the hope on her pretty face that made Jane surge forward and crash their lips together in a heated kiss, trapping Freddie against the wall of the pool with two arms braced next to her sides.

Slender fingers made quick work of her soaked shirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it away God knows where; not like Jane could care, as the same fingers she adored so much unbuckled her belt under the water a little clumsily, slipping inside her underwear cheekily.

She untied Freddie’s bikini top quickly, leaning in to take an erect nipple into her mouth, sucking on it not exactly gently. Freddie let out a soft whimper, bucking her hips forward against Jane’s desperately, body shuddering from the sensation.

‘’I can’t wait to start a family with you.” Jane drawled against Freddie’s skin, littering kisses over her chest. Her hand traveled down Freddie’s torso, skimming across her stomach lovingly, as if their baby was already in there, before it slipped lower, inside the bikini bottoms.

‘’You’re going to be such a good mother.” Freddie whispered, carding her fingers through Jane’s hair. She kissed her wife again, but this one was much slower, much sweeter, nothing like the frantic chasing of pleasure like they started out with: it wasn’t going to end up like that, this time. They were going to savor every minute of it, consummating their love for each other sweetly, slowly.

‘’Just like you.” Jane answered, slipping a finger inside Freddie slowly, her wetness and the water around them easing the way. Freddie gasped, hooking a leg around Jane’s waist to pull her closer, yearning for more.

‘’I love you.” She breathed, pushing her own fingers inside Jane the same time her wife added a second one, sinking deeper into her.

‘’I love you too, so much, Kitten.” Jane moaned, burying her face in Freddie’s neck, canting her hips against her hand. Her own fingers pumped in and out of Freddie steadily, caressing the little bundle of nerves inside her with every thrust, causing her wife to arch against her in pleasure.

\--

Paula wasn’t meant to watch: she only went out into the garden to plant the flower seeds she bought, when she heard the unmistakable sounds of pleasure, causing the fine hairs on her arms to stand on end.

She edged closer to the fence separating the two gardens, hunching down to peek through the cracks. She has only met Freddie once, but she could already recognize her voice anywhere: silky smooth, purring like a cat or tutting softly like a fussy mother, Paula loved it all the same. She had such a nice speaking voice- and it seemed like she sounded gorgeous in the throes of passion, too.

Arousal shot through her core, and she bit down on her lip not to moan out loud herself at the sight of Freddie’s head thrown back in pleasure, mouth open on delicious moans and whimpers. Paula watched as her eyebrows furrowed, the nearly pained look of ecstasy edged into her features, her messy bun getting even messier with each thrust.

She squeezed her thighs together, burning up with arousal and humiliation. She wasn’t supposed to enjoy this so much, God, not at all- but Freddie was so fucking beautiful, so perfect, and Paula simply couldn’t take her eyes off her.

Hot jealousy seized her stomach watching Jane kissing over Freddie’s throat- why was Freddie with that woman, Paula simply couldn’t understand. Jane looked like a man, broad and chubby and without an ounce of the same elegance Freddie forever carried herself with. Maybe that was her type, the rough-looking butches who could throw her over their shoulders with ease. Maybe Freddie just liked being a fragile, soft porcelain doll compared to her lovers.

Paula’s hand came up to tangle in her hair, tugging on it self-consciously. Maybe if she cut it short, Freddie would notice her. Maybe she could blend in more with the London lesbian scene, so she would be more accepted- though the group barely had any masculine presenting girls, to be honest. Besides Jane, Joan was the closest to something less than femme; but they all seemed so acceptive, so maybe it doesn’t really matter. They took Paula in right away. They became her friends so quickly- it was just Paula’s natural charm, the way she could easily wrap people around her fingers.

She licked her lips at the gorgeous sound of Freddie coming, slumping back in the pool with bliss. Jane followed soon after, muffling her moans against Freddie’s skin. They came back with a kiss, gentle and sweet, and Paula shook her head, rushing back inside the house.

\--

‘’Does it hurt?” Georgia asked, tracing an angry green and yellow bruise over Jill’s hip. Fingers treaded into her hair, gently massaging her scalp as she rested her head on her girlfriend’s stomach.

‘’A little bit.” Jill admitted. She let out a sudden hiss, and Georgia quickly pulled back, startled.

‘’God, I’m so sorry.” Georgia stammered, eyes wide with panic. ‘’I didn’t want to hurt you, I…”

Jill let out a laugh, and Georgia huffed, pouting at her.

‘’I’m just messing with you.” Jill cackled. She pulled Georgia closer, until she was snuggled up against her chest. Georgia was still pouting, but she didn’t resist.

‘’You’re an idiot.” She stated, though she couldn’t help but break into a smile. Jill wrapped her arms around her, letting her bask in the safe warmth of her embrace.

‘’Claudia Anderson is a fucking brute.” Jill chuckled, playing with Georgia’s hair. ‘’She kicks her opponent more than she kicks the ball.’’

‘’Football is such a dangerous sport.” Georgia cooed, dropping a kiss against Jill’s collarbone. Her girlfriend just hummed, tangling their legs together under the sheets.

‘’Could be worse.”

They lay in silence for a while, just holding each other and enjoying each other’s warmth. Georgia chewed on her lower lip, a million questions dancing at the tip of her tongue. She desperately wanted to talk to Jill about how she felt, asking her when she was going to be ready, when they could finally stop hiding. But she didn’t want to ruin this safe little cocoon they had right now, that soft bliss. She didn’t want to upset Jill, didn’t want to pressure her, but it was getting harder and harder to swallow.

She often wondered if she was being selfish for wanting her girlfriend out of the closet- after all, she went through this too, knew what it felt like to question yourself, to be scared of your true feelings, to worry about what other people will think of you. And Jill was in the public eye, too, the star player-becoming of her new team, a talented athlete, a young icon on the field. It made all the sense for her to be careful.

On the other hand, Georgia couldn’t help but feel heartbroken when Jill eagerly answered all the questions about her ideal boyfriend for YouTube questionnaires, but never mentioning she had an ideal girlfriend, too- one that actually existed, warming her bed and her heart every day. She wanted Jill to be able to proudly declare her sexuality, to not having to swallow the words, smearing them so people wouldn’t catch on. And yes, she wanted Jill to show her off, to tell the world she had a girlfriend, the woman who always supported her.

Maybe she was being selfish, but she was also getting tired.

‘’Jill…” She finally had the courage to speak, right at the same time Jill did.

‘’Wanna sit on my face, baby?”

Oh. She blinked quickly, peeking up at her girlfriend, who grinned at her wolfishly.

‘’Sure.” Georgia replied, keeping her honest thoughts to herself, once again. Jill quirked an eyebrow, clearly hearing the second-thoughts in her voice.

‘’What did you want to say?”

Georgia shook her head, forcing a smile onto her face as she climbed up over her girlfriend, kneeling on the pillow over her head.

‘’Nothing.” She lied, closing her eyes and focusing on the feeling of Jill’s tongue caressing her folds instead.

Maybe they could talk about this another day.

\--

Regina downed another shot, letting the alcohol burn its way down her throat. She was getting slightly tipsy, feeling a little floaty and boneless as she leaned against the bar, hazy eyes skimming the crowd.

She never really liked partying alone, but everyone had something important to do tonight, more important than assisting her on her quest to bed the legendary Addie Lambert- or anyone, really. Amateurs. She was going to enjoy herself, and going to get laid, come hell or high water. Regina was always a determined person: if she decided on something, she was absolutely going through with it.  
She was aware she looked good enough to eat tonight in her red bustier top and black skirt, many pairs of eyes following her as she swayed to the music, letting the thumping of her heart match the heavy beat. Regina looked back at them, threw a few flirty smiles and winks, but so far, no one quite interesting caught her attention. Most of the guests were in pairs, anyways, making out in the corner and groping each other on the dancefloor.

Regina could swear she saw a glimpse of high pony-tail and studded leather vest- but before she could make sure, it was gone in a flash, leaving her let out a disappointed huff. Probably already taken off with some girl- but surely, even Addie couldn’t fuck without a break. Eventually, she would need to come back, and then Regina would grab her chance, literally…

‘’What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?”

Regina scoffed at the overused pick-up line, turning around with a mildly amused expression on her face. She was met with a smug grin and a t-shirt of some obscure rock band, a pair of sunglasses pushed up to the top of the girl’s head, and whiff of cigarettes and confidence.

‘’Is this the best you could come up with?” Regina teased, leaning back against the bar, giving the girl a challenging look. She looked hot, Regina had to admit: a tall, lean brunette with a slightly edgy style and without an ounce of make-up, but still bedazzling to look at.

‘’Works most of the time.” The girl replied, flashing her perfect pearly whites at her. Regina couldn’t help but grin back. She enjoyed picking up others and being picked up herself, and tonight, she thoroughly gave herself over to the latter.

‘’I’m afraid it won’t work on me.” Regina shot back, unable to keep the teasing tone out of her voice. The girl was hot, cocky and charismatic, exactly Regina’s type- she would go with her without hesitation, but it was fun pulling her leg a little.

‘’Oh?” The girl inquired, head tilted to the side with a fake pout. ‘’What am I doing wrong, Princess?”

‘’Nothing, hot stuff, don’t cry.” Regina cooed, basking in the positively hungry look the stranger regarded her with. ‘’I’m just here to find Addie Lambert, that’s all.”

The brunette laughed, a raspy, deep sound that went straight to Regina’s clit. God, she really needed to get laid.

‘’Funny thing,” she drawled, leaning closer, until Regina could feel her breath on her face, ‘’I’m here for her, too.”

Regina leaned in, too, until their noses nearly brushed. She was usually working with more finesse, not this crudely direct, but the energy this girl emanated simply pulled her in like a magnet, fueling her fire.

‘’I think I saw her going off with a girl.” She said, sighing deeply. ‘’I’m afraid we won’t get a chance to fuck her tonight.”

‘’Crap.” The girl tutted, though her grin never faltered. Regina eagerly bended to her will when she placed a hand on her hip, giving it the slightest squeeze.

‘’Maybe we could find a nice way to spend the time until she comes back, what do you think?”

Regina didn’t reply, just attacked the stranger’s mouth with her own, tangling her hands in her hair. It’s been a while since she was so aroused after barely meeting someone, so eager to fuck them: there was just something about this girl that kept dragging her forward, ushering her to play with fire.

She didn’t even remember how they made their way through the crowd; next thing she knew, she was in a bathroom stall, back to the wall, being kissed roughly by the stranger, her hand fumbling under Regina’s skirt.

‘’Tell me your name.” The brunette demanded, nipping sharply at Regina’s bottom lip. Regina’s knees nearly gave out from under her as the order was accompanied by the rubbing of fingertips against her swollen clit.

‘’Regina.” She breathed obediently, spreading her legs further. She bit down on a whimper as a long, slightly calloused finger pushed into her. ‘’What’s yours?”

‘’Crystal.” The brunette groaned, before she turned Regina’s brain into mush with another, searing kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Unleashing more pairings on you all like an absolute beast*


	4. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie and Jane meet up with their new potential donor; Dinah tries to help Etta, but messes up in the process; Regina is breaking the rules of her own game; Paula is trying to fit in; Joan has a surprise visitor, and Brianna reminisces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, life is pretty busy right now, but here I am again!

By all means, Colin was a gentle giant. He was well over six feet tall, with a thick, dark beard covering the lower half of his face, broad shoulders and large hands. Despite the intimidating exterior, he was as kind as one could be; no wonder he reminded Freddie of Jane so much. Her wife also seemed a little gruff, with her short hair and stockier built, but she was a real marshmallow inside, carrying Freddie on the palms of her hands, gentle and caring. The scheming part of Freddie’s brain was sure that Colin would be the absolute right choice as a donor: this way, their baby wouldn’t only get the physical characteristics similar to Jane’s, but hopefully they would inherit Colin’s kind persona, too. Truly the best of all worlds- now they just needed it to actually work.

They decided to meet up with Colin, to discuss the details. Jane wanted to make sure Freddie had a chance to talk to their potential donor, that she had the opportunity to change her mind. She wanted what was best for the both of them, and considering that Freddie will be the one carrying their baby, Jane felt responsible for ensuring the best circumstances for her wife. Clearly, it really did matter whose baby Freddie would end up having. It had to be someone worthy, and though Jane knew Colin well, and knew that Freddie liked him, too, she wanted to give everyone- not just them, but Colin, too- a last minute chance to back out.

The way Freddie’s eyes lit up upon opening the door to Colin told Jane, that she probably won’t change her mind.

‘’God, it’s been ages!” Freddie chirped, standing on the tips of her toes to give Colin a hug. She looked like a tiny songbird in the arms of a bear, and Jane smiled fondly at the sight.

‘’You look really good.” Colin said softly, before looking over the interior. ‘’House looks good, too.”

‘’It’s Freddie’s merit.” Jane said proudly, wrapping an arm around Freddie’s waist and pulling her close to her side. ‘’She has a wonderful eye for these kind of things.”

‘’Oh, well, I’m far from an actual interior designer.” Freddie said shyly, in the company of a modest little shrug. ‘’My skills still work better on paper.”

‘’You’re too humble.” Colin smiled. He eyed the portrait of Jane, made by Freddie, sitting proudly beside a Rembrandt. ‘’I could never paint like this. It’s insane! I guess we are not the artistic parts of a couple, Janey.”

Jane laughed heartily, her hand still around Freddie’s waist, proudly. She would never get tired of praising her wife- in her eyes, Freddie was absolutely perfect. 

‘’I’m fine with admiring Freddie’s drawings.”

They took their seats on the large, L-shaped plush couch. Freddie was certain this would be a little more awkward, considering they were about to discuss something deeply personal, and pretty much life-changing- but she felt surprisingly at ease, curled up comfortably on Jane’s lap. She listened to the pleasant murmur of her wife’s voice as she chatted with her friend, engaged in quiet, polite small talk. The cats rested at the other end of the couch, curled up into soft, purring balls. It was a picture of sweet, quiet tranquility, a familiar, comforting warmth lingering around the room. For the first time in a long while, Freddie felt calm, relaxed. Something deep inside her- a hopeful little voice- told her, that this was the beginning of something really good; this might actually work out. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, not wanting to fall on her face again, but she had a good feeling about this.

‘’So, Colin,” Jane started, guiding the conversation to the main topic gently, ‘’you offered us your help.”

‘’Yes.” He replied, sending the couple such a caring smile, it would have been impossible to feel nervous around him. ‘’You’re my best friend, Jane, and I love both of you. I want you to be happy. You guys deserve a baby, I know you would make wonderful Mummies. I’d be happy to assist you.”

‘’What does Arthur have to say about this?” Jane questioned. Arthur, Colin’s husband, was equally sweet as his spouse, but his feelings in the matter were also important. Every single party affected needed to be one-hundred percent on board, otherwise their little project wouldn’t go well.

‘’He’s absolutely fine with it.” Colin said, eyes softening even more at the mention of his husband. ‘’We have enough kids on our own, we can share.” He added with a soft laugh. He had four adopted children with his husband, something Freddie was always a little envious of- they considered adoption with Jane, too, but they both agreed they would like to try for a biological baby first. Freddie wanted to experience pregnancy, what it felt like to carry a little life inside of her, and Jane wanted to be by her side as she went through it.

‘’And as for your role in the kid’s life?” Freddie asked. They had long conversations about this with Jane, after they found out Colin was willing to help; he was a friend, a trustworthy person that they both loved, and who was proven to be a great father. Having three parents could easily cause a tricky situation- both Freddie and Jane wanted to make sure their kid would get to live a full, happy life, without conflicts. It was important to discuss whether they wanted the biological father to play a role in their life, or not.

Colin hummed, rubbing his beard thoughtfully. His eyes drifted from Jane to Freddie and back, mulling the question over. ‘’Whatever you decide, I’m okay with it.” He ended up saying. ‘’It is completely your choice. I have my kids at home, and if you don’t want me as an actual father, I’m perfectly satisfied. I still wanna be an uncle, though.” He added with a grin, making Jane chuckle softly.

‘’Of course, it’s a no brainer. We talked about this a lot, actually.”

She looked at Freddie meaningfully, squeezing her hand. She rubbed her thumb across the back of Freddie’s hand, gentle and soothing. ‘’I think we would like it if you could be involved.”

‘’When the kid gets older, we would like them to know they have a Dad,” Freddie explained, ‘’someone they can rely on when their Mummies are not around.”

‘’It would be wonderful, if you could sometimes visit them, like on birthdays or around Christmas.” Jane continued, watching Colin’s expression carefully. This discussion was a focal point: they had to make sure they wouldn’t scare him away, nor offend him. ‘’Sort of like the father of a kid, whose parents got divorced. But of course, we want to know your opinion, too. We don’t want you to be uncomfortable with anything.”

The first sparks of nerves raced down Freddie’s spine, when Colin didn’t reply immediately. She really wanted this option to work: it was the best they had, in every sense of the world. If Colin bailed now, Freddie was sure her heart would break. She desperately wanted this baby, and she knew Jane wanted it just as much as her. This had to work, and Colin was a key element in the equation.

Finally, after a long silence filled only with the soft purring of the cats and the birds chirping outside in the garden, Colin smiled.

‘’I think this is manageable. I don’t want to be too involved, I mean, first and foremost the baby has two mothers, and the father is just a plus. I think your idea is great. I’m in.”

They both promised themselves they would behave, but the second these words left Colin’s mouth, they both squealed, jumping up and all but throwing themselves into his arms. Colin laughed in surprise, wrapping two thick arms around the two giggling women.

‘’Thank you, darling!” Freddie cooed, kissing his cheek kindly. She couldn’t stop grinning, not even bothering to hide her teeth from him. She was so happy; now they just needed a successful IVF session, and they were finally on track.

‘’We are so grateful.” Jane smiled, feeling her heart swell with happiness and hope. She crossed her fingers behind Colin’s back, smiling at Freddie.

\--

‘’The fucking audacity! I thought I can trust her!”

‘’Yeah, it’s pretty bad.”

‘’I don’t even know why she is so insistent on…Regina, are you even listening to me!?”

The blonde only replied with a little hum, her eyes drifting towards her phone- which was infuriating for more than one reason. One, she was driving, and Etta didn’t particularly like the idea of suffering a terrible accident, because her friend couldn’t keep her eyes on the road. Second, she wasn’t listening to Etta’s outburst, and she wanted nothing more than to pour her heart out to someone.

She had a godawful morning, there was no other way to put it. She could still feel the spikes of anger in her blood, just thinking about her girlfriend, busted with her phone in her hand.

\--

She immediately knew what Dinah was trying to do; she was so hell-bent on trying to fix an unfixable relationship between her and her parents, and Etta couldn’t understand why. Why did it matter for her? It wasn’t her family. She should have just left the whole thing alone, in the dust where it belonged.

‘’What are you doing!?” She snapped, going red in the face with anger. There was nothing that could set her off quite as much as people meddling with things they had no business at- she loved Dinah, so much, but she had no right to try and take control of the situation like this.

At least she looked guilty, lowering her hands and her eyes quietly. She put Etta’s phone down, swallowing audibly.

‘’I’m just trying to help.” She said quietly- and Etta knew that, but it didn’t exactly make her feel better. If anything, it only served to make her feel worse, because she knew her relationship with her family was utterly broken, with no real chance to ever repair it. Dinah was trying to accomplish the impossible: there was no way she could ever make peace with her parents. She hadn’t talked to them in years, and it was probably for the better. They couldn’t accept their daughter the way she was, and that wasn’t going to change, just because her girlfriend tries to glue the broken pieces together in a sad, futile attempt.

‘’You are not helping, Dinah! What the Hell were you going to say?” Etta let out a hysterical little laugh, just imagining the conversation that could have gone down. ‘’Were you going to introduce yourself as the girlfriend of their dirty dyke daughter? Were you trying to prove them that nothing changed, that I’m still fucked up?”

‘’You are not fucked up.” Dinah said softly, making her way over to her girlfriend. Her bare feet were quiet against the soft rug. She reached for Etta’s hand carefully, making sure not to grab her too suddenly. ‘’What they said about you, was not true, and you know that, love. You are perfect the way you are. They were just bigoted, and…”

‘’…which is exactly why calling them won’t help!”

‘’But they could have come around.” Dinah continued softly, sending her girlfriend a small smile. It immediately faltered when Etta didn’t return it. ‘’I mean…Jane said that Freddie’s father had come around, too.”

‘’You don’t know Bomi, and you don’t know my father.” Etta spat, rolling her eyes. She knew she was being a little condescending with her tone, but she had a hard time caring about that when she was so hurt, and angry. ‘’Bomi at least has some redeemable qualities. My douchebag father, and my shitty mother? They don’t. They tried to send me to conversion therapy!”

‘’I…I know, but…” 

‘’But what? Oh, they might have come around, huh? Well, guess what.” She yanked her hand away from Dinah’s, ignoring the sad look her girlfriend gave her.

‘’You can’t even begin to understand, what my life at home was like! You don’t know what it feels like when your own family actually hates you! My mother literally said she would be better off without me, they wouldn’t even care if I died…”

She didn’t even realize she was sobbing, until Dinah pulled her into her arms. She buried her face in Dinah’s neck, body shaking. She was torn between pushing Dinah away, and hanging on tighter, the only anchor she had connecting her to reality as she relived her painful past. She liked to pretend she was over it, playing up the cool, sassy persona: but those scars were way too deep to heal, tearing up easily. She was still very much a prisoner of her past; but how could one truly handle being ostracized by the same people that were supposed to love and protect her?

‘’Don’t say that.” Dinah said, rubbing her back gently. ‘’She must have regretted this. They are your parents, I’m sure they love you, and…everyone needs a family, you need one too, and maybe we can still…”

Etta scoffed, untangling herself from Dinah’s arms. She wiped at her face angrily, shaking her head. She had enough of this. She needed fresh air.

‘’I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Don’t try to call them again.” She was surprised by how cold her voice sounded. Dinah lowered her head, chewing on her lip. She had to understand, why Etta felt so strongly about this.

She had to, because Etta wasn’t sure how she could stay in a relationship where she wasn’t listened to.

\--

Etta sighed, shaking her head to try and clear them from the mental images of their fight. They haven’t fought before: they had been together for three months now, and no other conflict ever came up, just this one. But this one plagued their lives constantly, ever since Etta made the stupid mistake of talking to Dinah about her parents.

‘’Huh? Yeah, I’m listening.” Regina replied after a long stretch of silence, making Etta roll her eyes. She really needed a friend right now, a mindless shopping spree where she didn’t have to think about this anymore, but Regina’s brain was clearly occupied.

‘’If we die because you’re texting and driving, I will murder you in the afterlife, you bitch.” Etta scoffed. This finally made Regina look up, eyes clearing from the haze.

‘’Sorry. You’re right, Dinah had no right to do that. But she seems to be the type to always try and help, while not realizing she is making things worse. You two should actually sit down, and talk about this. Not fighting, not dismissing things, but actually sharing your point of views.”

‘’I guess you’re right.” Etta sighed, picking at her orange nail polish. It started to peel. ‘’I’m just really tired of this, you know?”

Regina hummed, trying to keep her eyes on the road as she parked her car, but they constantly kept drifting back to her phone. She bit her lip, trying not to grin. She felt sorry for Etta, truly, but she simply couldn’t ignore that strange giddiness she felt whenever she looked at that text.

She honestly didn’t even remember giving Crystal her number, but apparently it happened, somewhere between rounds of fucking. Her skin still tingled, just thinking about the way Crystal pinned her wrists above her head, keeping her against the wall; how her long, slightly calloused fingers felt inside her, rough and demanding, making Regina hers fully. She still felt Crystal’s lips on her neck, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin; if she concentrated hard enough, she could still taste Crystal’s arousal on her tongue, could hear the deep moans she let out when Regina went down on her.

Regina had been with quite a lot of people before, but Crystal was truly something else. No one ever managed to make Regina squirt before, for that matter. No one ever felt so instantly, what Regina needed: it was as if she just got Regina on a cellular level, giving her exactly what she craved.

It wasn’t just the sex, though: it was amazing, mind-blowing, even, so much in fact that by the end Regina completely forgot about Addie Lambert’s existence. But there was something more, in the way Crystal so gently kissed her after they were done fucking, gently steering her out with a hand on the small of her back. Something in the way she kissed Regina goodbye, and then pulled her back, asking her if she wanted to go home with her; something about how they both laughed when they found out both their family name was Taylor, or how good it felt when Regina rested her cheek on her chest, lazing around for a few hours before she got up and bade her new conquest goodbye.

And there was something about the way she couldn’t help a grin when Crystal texted her, asking her if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime.

Which was nice, really nice- but it was also scary, and that finally made Regina descend from the pink clouds a little bit. She had exactly what she needed, when she slept with Crystal: a delicious one-night stand, a good fuck. No strings-attached flirting, emotionless sex. That was what Regina was aiming for: she didn’t have the capacity for a new relationship. 

But Crystal asked her out on a date, didn’t she? That’s what that text meant. Fuck buddies don’t have coffee together, or do they? So far, Regina only had coffee with those she actually wanted to date. Crystal was just the first prey on her hunt to satisfy her needs.

Yet, she couldn’t stop thinking about that text. She would have lied if she said she didn’t want to see Crystal again- of course she did. But that would break her own rules; she barely started the game, and she was already losing. She couldn’t allow that to happen.

She decided to ignore the text, turning her full attention to Etta’s misery. She should probably make a Tinder profile for more mindless flirting and hookups, and then she could forget about that cheeky smile.

\--  
Her chest tightened a bit when the first lock of hair hit the floor: she always had long hair, was used to its weight over her shoulders. But she steeled herself. She had to change, for Freddie, for her new friends to accept her. She was going through a metamorphosis, although she wasn’t sure what kind, just yet.

Cutting off her hair felt like leaving some parts of her old life behind. Long-haired Paula was scared, and let other people define her: it was going to be different, this time. She had full control over her life now, far away from her old friends and family. She was starting a new life in the busy, bustling city, and she was going to fit in by her own terms.

Meeting Freddie and the rest of the girls woke something up inside her, something hidden. She knew she was never quite interested in men, always bored during sex with Kevin. She knew she sometimes found women attractive, but she always passed it off to curiosity. Something changed, though. She got a taste of the life she didn’t realize she could live, where people were out and proud, holding the hand of their same-sex partner on the street. These people, these women were unashamedly gay. They kissed each other on the mouth, and bragged about having sex with each other. They got married, they had kids together. They were so brave, something Paula never was.

She was going to be, now. Maybe not brave enough to wave rainbow flags around in broad daylight, to snog another woman in front of other people: but brave enough to make connections, to mold herself into this world, that was so much more thrilling than anything her life with Kevin could ever hold. She didn’t want to marry him, never did. He was nothing but a substitute, something Paula could play with, until the real thing came along.

Her book, which didn’t really want to move past over half of a chapter, was constantly writing itself in her head now. She was so inspired; it was the energy of this place, the promise of a new life, Freddie and her new friends that hit her so deeply. She wanted to hang around them even more, to gather more inspiration. 

She was up all night last night, typing away furiously, about a young girl without ambition, who didn’t know what to do with her life, stuck in one place- but then a beautiful angel comes along, so beautiful that the girl cannot even comprehend it, and shows her a world so different, full of lust and happiness. She didn’t know how she would fit the rest of the girls into the story, as they hadn’t talked enough yet, but she knew that was going to change soon. She would make sure she would be a full-time friend, not just a random tagalong. She needed their energy to thrive, and to make this book a reality.

The hairdresser kept talking to her, but Paula didn’t quite listen. She kept her gaze on her reflection, watching without blinking as the long tresses fell to the ground. She would soon have her new hairdo, something that would surely make her fit in, and would entice Freddie.

Her eyes caught on someone in the mirror behind her, watching her with polite interest. She was a truly beautiful girl, expressive green eyes framed by winged eyeliner, a cheeky grin playing on her lips. Paula raised a curious eyebrow at her in question.

‘’Can I help you?” She asked, aware that her voice wasn’t exactly kind. She didn’t like it when someone interrupted her daydreaming. She was a true artist, constantly spewing the new spin of her story in her brain, and non-artists had a tendency to burst her perfect bubble.

‘’Sorry, I was just trying to figure out if I saw you somewhere.” The girl replied, voice smooth. She crossed her long legs, her biker boots dangling above the floor. ‘’Or perhaps you’re new around here?”

‘’I am.” Paula replied. ‘’Just moved here.”

‘’Well, welcome.” The girl grinned, revealing a perfect, Hollywood-like smile. ‘’I’m Addie, by the way.”

‘’Paula.”

‘’Your hair is turning out really good.” Addie said, watching with interest as the hairdresser nipped off more of Paula’s hair. Paula hummed, watching her own reflection again.

‘’You think so? I was aiming for…a slightly more butch look.” Paula said, rolling the unfamiliar word on her tongue. It felt so strange to say that out loud- but it felt good, too. She liked what she saw in the mirror now. It was all so new, so fresh.

Addie’s grin widened, a knowing spark lighting up in her eyes.

\--  
Joan swore at the loud banging on her door. She was having a nice, quiet Sunday afternoon, mindlessly watching TV, and she wasn’t planning on changing activities. Someone else seemed to have different plans, though, ruining her perfect peace and quiet.

‘’Alright, I’m coming!” Joan grumbled, shuffling to the door and all but tearing it up. She didn’t take it well when something interfered with her little plans; she didn’t really want to see anyone today, didn’t even wash her hair.

She immediately regretted that decision when she opened the door, and Petra was standing in the doorway.

Her heart started pounding like a hammer right away, and Joan swore internally. She hated how she nearly went into cardiac arrest every single time she saw Petra. She wished she could tie her heart down somehow, could tell it to calm down, to not make a mess of things. She couldn’t ruin their friendship, couldn’t be stupid enough to risk it all, because of her feelings: but they were getting harder and harder to ignore.

‘’Petra.” Joan breathed, feeling her cheeks heat up. Petra was so beautiful, as always, in a lavender top and shorts, her hair loosened into her natural curls.

‘’Can I come in?” She asked, already pushing her way inside. Joan stumbled back, trying not to scream when Petra brushed against her.

She closed the door, staring at her friend dumbfoundedly, who stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed and a defiant glint in her eyes. Joan had absolutely no idea, what could have possibly gotten into her.

‘’We need to talk.” Petra stated, and Joan’s stomach dropped. She didn’t want to talk, especially not to Petra. She sighed, crossing her arms herself.

‘’I don’t know what you mean.” Joan murmured. Petra rolled her eyes, letting out a dramatic sigh.

‘’Seriously, Joan. I’m so tired of this, okay? You have some kind of problem with me, and I just want to know what it is!”

‘’I don’t have a problem with you.” Joan rolled her eyes, before she lowered them, staring at her ratty slippers. ‘’You’re imagining things.”

Petra scoffed. ‘’Piss off, Joan. Everyone can tell. Regina could see it, too, and I’m sure the rest of our friends can tell. Hell, even that weird Paula girl can tell, and she met us like once.”

Joan knew that, too, of course. She desperately tried to hide her true feelings, covering them up with a spikey exterior: she used sarcasm as a shield, to protect herself from becoming too vulnerable.

‘’Just drop it, okay? It doesn’t matter.” Joan said, hoping that Petra will give up, if she resisted. Unfortunately, Petra wouldn’t seem to budge.

‘’I’m not dropping it.” She said fiercely, sticking up her chin. ‘’We are friends, Joan, and I love you. I don’t want to fight with you.”

Joan bit her lip. She desperately tried to ignore the stupid, hopeful warmth that filled her chest when Petra said those three words- even though she knew that’s not what she meant.

‘’You have a problem with me sleeping with girls, but you don’t have a problem with Regina doing it? Or Etta doing it before she met Dinah? Why is it just me?” Petra questioned. She was getting impatient, tapping her foot against the floor.

‘’It’s…it really doesn’t matter, okay? I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Joan said, gritting her teeth. Petra shook her head, her curls bouncing with it.

‘’This is not true, Joan. You’re lying to me.”

‘’Am not.”

‘’Yes, you are!” Petra snapped. She marched over to where Joan was standing, stopping only mere inches away from her. Joan closed her eyes, breathing through her nose. She couldn’t do this anymore, it physically pained her- having Petra this close was torture.

‘’What is your problem, Joan?” Petra demanded, getting even closer, until she had Joan trapped against the wall, their noses nearly brushing. ‘’Why am I the only one you keep judging? What is your problem with me!?”

Joan’s heart raced inside her chest as those dark eyes stared up into hers, full of questions.

‘’I want to know, Joan. I want to know, because…”

Joan didn’t know what came over her in that moment. Years of bottled up emotions, pent up frustrations poured out without filter as she surged forward and pressed her lips against Petra’s.

Reality suddenly came crashing down, and she pulled back, eyes wide with panic. Petra stared at her, like a deer in the headlights, caught off-guard. 

This was a mistake. Joan just ruined everything.

She opened her mouth to say something, but she never had the chance, because Petra’s lips were soon back on hers, kissing her deeply.

\--

Brianna knew she was just torturing herself. Since Tamara showed up again, at The Planet, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She knew she should have just let it go: just as her friends said, it wasn’t worth it. Tamara never deserved her.

But she had so many memories, so many little things tying her to her ex, that she simply couldn’t forget. Tamara was her everything, and it felt like the feeling was mutual: what could have possibly happened, then? Why did Tamara leave, why did she go and cheat on her, when everything was so perfect?

She bit down on her lip, hard enough to draw blood as she opened the folder on her laptop. She hasn’t looked at it for long months, but now she felt the sudden urge to open it again, to skim through the pictures.

It hurt. It hurt just as much as seeing Tamara again: every picture held a dear memory. She looked at the picture she took of Tamara, sleeping sweetly, hugging a pillow; their selfie they took after a good date, smearing ice-cream on each other’s faces playfully; her favorite one, where she taught her to play the guitar. Tamara’s eyes were not on the strings: they were on Brianna’s face, looking at her like Brianna was the center of her world.

How could she leave, then? What changed? What made her leave?

Was it Brianna’s fault? Did she do something bad, without even realizing? Did she not give Tamara what she needed?

Maybe it was her fault. She worked so much, so caught up in her head often. Maybe Tamara felt lonely, and ignored. Maybe she didn’t appreciate her as much as she should have?

But no matter how she kept thinking about it, she couldn’t remember what went wrong. Sure, Tamara was heavily depressed after her mother’s death- Brianna knew that, she was there to help pick up the pieces. She knew, how much it hurt her, how much pain she was in. But Brianna always supported her- why would Tamara break her heart like that, when Brianna was just trying to help?

Brianna sighed deeply, rubbing her temples. She would probably never figure out the answer: it would forever remain a secret.

All that was left was a painful longing for someone she lost forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? :D


	5. Le Jazz Hot Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls visit the city's most famous lesbian bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I couldn't write a story with a bunch of wlw without having them go to a lesbian bar and get up to more shenanigans- I'm cutting this in two parts, because there's more chaos to come!

The ‘She-Bang’ was the most popular lesbian bar in that part of the city: it was almost like a rite of passage to visit it- there was a frankly idiotic saying going around, that ‘’if you have never visited ‘She-Bang’, you are not really gay”. Obviously, it was just poetic over-exaggeration, whether you have grinded upon someone under the iridescent lights or downed many of the overly sweet Orgasm cocktails had nothing to do with one’s sexuality, but it was a club most of the sapphics in the area heavily preferred. Baby gays standing in the corners, shyly checking out the girls as if someone would judge them, and frequent faces who have experienced the bigger milestones of their youth on the leather couches and in the dimly lit toilet stalls all swarmed the club tonight, pressed up against and bumping into one another, drinks and the hips of another woman in hand.

Paula’s heart pounded to the rhythm of the beat as the bouncer let them inside, a hazy mix of perfume and sweat filling her nostrils immediately. It was so sweetly forbidden, this entire experience: a dark, lustful fantasy she desperately tried to push back down, but it kept coming back to the surface, and now it was all here, women in all shapes and sizes and colors in front of her, like an endless buffet to choose from. She nearly got dizzy from the overwhelming effect of it all. This was liberation, in every single sense of the world, all boundaries and limits way passed; if she got a taste of a world that she wanted to belong in and run away from in equal measures when she met the group at The Planet, now she was drowning in it. And as intimidating and confusing it was, keeping her up at night and making her mind stray to forbidden places during attempted love-making with her fiancé, Paula found herself enjoying it thoroughly.

‘’So, this is ‘She-Bang’.” She stated with a dreamy sigh that escaped her lips without meaning to, as she took everything in with wide eyes. Georgia nodded with a grin, the excitement brightening her face. She couldn’t shut up the whole way, blabbering about her girlfriend who was supposedly going to show up tonight, and how it meant she might come out publicly, after all. The details were a little murky, as Paula was deliberately kept away from the most intimate parts of the conversations. She didn’t like that, at all. She wanted to belong, to be a true friend to those girls, but most of them eyed her warily whenever she joined them at their usual table. It was harder to escape her now, as she got the job at the café. She was always around, which gave her leverage, but not enough. She wanted all the details, wanted to know what the deal was with that Jill, why was she so ashamed and how it affected Georgia. She needed to see what went down behind the curtains, pry deep enough to suck all those conflicting emotions inside. A true artist should know its subjects, after all. She couldn’t capture the characters of the girls if they didn’t let her close enough.

‘’You’re gonna love it, I’m sure of it.” Georgia said kindly. Paula gave her a small smile. Georgia was amongst the few ones who seemed immediately acceptive of her, along with Freddie, Dinah and -to a degree- Phoebe. The rest seemed a little more careful, in need of some more buttering up. Especially Regina, who wouldn’t stop casting her suspicious glances, from the second Paula excitedly poked her head inside their conversation she overheard at the café, overhearing them chatting about a night out. Her blue eyes remained stuck on her relentlessly, trying to read her the same way Paula desperately tried to read her new friends.

‘’It might be a little too much for a straight girl, though.” Regina interjected, watching Paula’s reactions like a hawk. ‘’You know, everyone likes pussy here.”

‘’Reg.” Freddie warned her softly, with a gentle hand on her arm. ‘’First of all, this is insanely cis-normative. Second, Paula is allowed to have fun, no matter what she likes.”

She shot Paula a warm smile, and Paula could have melted right there. Freddie was the sweetest thing, always defending her when someone- usually Regina- jabbed at her. She was the most welcoming one, accepting her with open arms. The first one to notice and compliment her new hair, too, which didn’t fail to make Paula’s chest tingle pleasantly. It was obvious, that Freddie was an artist like herself, connecting with her kind so easily, noticing and reveling in the beauty around her. Clearly, she was on a different intellectual level than her friends, but that was not a problem in Paula’s eyes. It just made it all the easier to bond with her.

‘’Thanks, Freddie.” She replied, reaching out to gently squeeze her wrist. Jane’s eyes shifted to where their hands connected, her brows furrowed with a subtle frown. Paula ignored it, keeping her eyes on Freddie affectionately. ‘’Who knows, maybe I need to figure out what I like. Maybe I never really found it.”

‘’You met a bunch of lesbos and immediately had a gay awakening.” Petra laughed with unmasked pride. ‘’I say this calls for a celebration!”

‘’Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Paula shot her down, rolling her eyes. Petra was so bloody obnoxious sometimes. ‘’I’m only saying that I’m willing to experiment a bit, and we will see what comes out of it.” She gave Freddie a meaningful look, and she just laughed softly, linking arms with her wife.

‘’This is the right mindset, Dear.”

‘’Who wants drinks?” Brianna asked, already fishing around in her bag for her wallet. She usually wasn’t the type to jump immediately into the wobbly arms of alcohol, but right now, she felt like she needed it. After spending the last few days constantly thinking about her ex, a nice cocktail was about the only thing that could cheer her up.

‘’Who doesn’t?” Regina laughed, clapping her on the back good-naturedly. ‘’I’m gonna start with something light, don’t wanna get too drunk before my date arrives.”

‘’Your date?” Etta questioned, quirking an eyebrow. ‘’Didn’t you say you were done with relationships?”

Regina rolled her eyes, though a fond little smile was playing at her lips. ‘’By date, I mean someone I’m gonna have mind-blowing sex with, and then forget about them tomorrow.” She clarified with a smirk. ‘’My Tinder profile literally says ‘no-strings-attached’. If someone is stupid enough to want more, it’s their loss.”

‘’I’m not sure if I like this side of you.” Phoebe said honestly. Regina acting like a fuckboy wasn’t like her, at all. Sure, she was always flirty, but her sudden urge to play female Casanova just because she experienced a few failed relationships was being a bit of an annoying ordeal. ‘’Why would you create a Tinder-profile, just so you can hook up with randoms? What about Crystal?”

At the mention of the name, Regina bit her lip. Damn her overly expressive face. She was never particularly good at hiding her true feelings- she would be a terrible actor, that’s for sure. Crystal was a whole lot of muddy water, and Regina wasn’t sure what to make of the whole thing. It wasn’t as if she had a crush on her, or anything, clearly. Crystal was a good fuck- no, Crystal was an amazing, hyper super fantastic fuck-, and she had an interesting, fun personality, but it wasn’t more than that. They hooked up, it was nice, and that was it. Regina eventually ended up not replying to Crystal’s text, choosing not to have a coffee date with the brunette. No matter how there was a strange, hollow feeling in her chest afterwards, Regina knew it couldn’t mean anything serious. She promised herself she wouldn’t go too deep, and the only way to keep that promise, was to continue her quest on bedding as many girls and boys as possible, quenching the thirst and not having to mend broken pieces along the way. As confusing as the deal with Crystal was, Regina was certain she would forget about it as soon as she was going down on someone.

‘’In case you forgot, Crystal is not my girlfriend.” Regina replied with a sunny smile. ‘’In fact, I don’t have any girlfriend or boyfriend, for that matter. I’m a free bird, happily flying around and singing my little love song to whoever I fancy.”

‘’Fascinating.” Joan scoffed. She ignored Regina, wrapping an arm around Brianna’s shoulder leisurely. ‘’Let’s get those drinks, shall we?”

Before Brianna could reply, Petra cut in, rather crudely. ‘’I need to pee.” She announced, dark eyes scanning Joan’s face. Joan raised an eyebrow in question, and Petra pursed her lips, obviously trying to hide a smirk. ‘’Joan, come with me.”

Oh. Joan blinked rapidly, feeling her cheeks heat up with an unmistakable flush. Petra already turned her back on them, casting a glance over her shoulder that only the blind wouldn’t have described as sultry. Her hips swayed as she made a few, deliberately slow steps forward, hugged all too perfectly by her tight leather pants. Joan wouldn’t have been able to resist even if she wanted it to, and Lord, she didn’t want to resist, at all.

‘’Sure.” She replied, mouth suddenly a little dry. She practically flew after Petra, catching up with her with all the hunger of a woman madly in love, the subject of her desires whisking her away like a siren luring her victim into the arms of danger.

Brianna stared after them with utter confusion, then she shook her head. Whatever. It was nice to see them making up, she had quite enough of the tense atmosphere that their constant bickering created. She didn’t even understand why they were fighting in the first place.

The rest of the girls already plopped down on the long, silver leather couch in the corner, giggling about something. It was clear no one was going to go and get their drinks with her. Lazy bunch, Brianna thought with an affectionate smile.

‘’I won’t be able to carry it all, so someone will have to join, eventually.” She said, throwing her light jacket at them. Jane caught it, giving Brianna a thumbs up. ‘’And everyone is going to pay me a drink after.”

‘’Sure, you got it.” Dinah promised. Brianna grinned at them, before she turned around and made her way through the dancing couples, swatting a few offensive hands away.

There was a long line at the bar as expected, and Brianna accepted her fate with a sigh, leaning against the counter and browsing the prices. She was thinking shots for everyone first, but she did eye the cocktail menu wistfully. There was a new one, something that looked suspiciously sweet, but she was nonetheless intrigued.

She politely tapped the shoulder of the girl standing before her in line to get her attention. She wanted to ask her if she knew if that new cocktail was any good, but no words came out of her mouth when the girl turned around.

Brianna came here to escape the constant gloom of having to think about Tamara, and it was just her luck that she ran into her again, staring into her surprised face. The bewilderment seemed genuine, so it was likely that Tamara wasn’t following her around on purpose. It was just a cruel joke of fate that kept pushing them together, despite that being the last thing Brianna wanted.

‘’Bri…” Tamara mouthed, barely audible over the pumping music. Her eyes were wide, red lips parted slightly, and Brianna hated herself for suddenly remembering how sweet those lips tasted. She had half the mind to get out of line, to run right back to her friends. She wanted their comfort, because seeing Tamara again in such a short span of time was pure torture. But instead, she stayed. Her feet were rooted on the spot, and all she could do was stare- stare at the silver top, the black choker, the skinny jeans, the effortless beauty that was Tamara, staring up at her with a myriad of emotions swirling in her eyes. Brianna hated her so much, after what she did, hated her for still getting her so worked up, occupying her mind like that. Tamara made no sense: she should be the demon haunting her dreams, but she looked like an angel. Brianna should slap her and call her a slut, but she couldn’t do it. She just looked at her, chest filled with longing. 

She was so weak, so pathetic.

‘’Sorry,” she ended up saying, her mouth coming back alive before her brain did, ‘’I didn’t realize it was you.”

It came out more bitter than intended, probably, because Tamara bit her lip, eyes shifting down at their feet. Brianna knew that look. Tamara always made that face when she was disappointed, but too proud to tell. But she had no right to be, did she? She was the one who broke Brianna’s heart, not the other way around. Did she really expect Brianna to be amicable with her all of a sudden?

‘’I figured.” Tamara said eventually, lifting her eyes carefully, as if she was worried that doing so might anger Brianna. She was so careful around her, so wary. ‘’Are you with the girls?”

Before Brianna could answer, she shook her head, casting her eyes down again. Brianna could practically hear the gears turning in her head. Tamara was experiencing an inner turmoil not exactly unknown to Brianna, battling with herself silently.

‘’I’m sorry.” She said. Brianna had to lean closer to her hear over the music- and she wished she didn’t, because she was too close that way, smelling her perfume, feeling her breath against her face. It was too much contact, too painful for the both of them.

‘’I’m sorry, for everything.” Tamara said. She looked Brianna in the eye again, flinching when Brianna’s eyes stared back, as if she didn’t expect to be looked at. ‘’I know you don’t wanna talk to me, and I understand. You have every right to be mad at me. You don’t have to tell me, who you’re with. I just… God, I just can’t not talk to you. I…”

She chuckled, a bitter, self-deprecating sound. ‘’I’m making a fool out of myself, aren’t I?”

‘’No.” Brianna found herself saying, surprising the both of them. She didn’t know what came over her, why she was talking to Tamara instead of leaving and sparing the both of them the embarrassment. 

‘’It’s weird. Running into you, and…all that. I don’t know how to react.”

‘’Me neither.” Tamara admitted. It was the last thing she said to her while they waited for their drinks, but Brianna didn’t mind. She wasn’t sure what more to say: it was weird enough as it was already. She couldn’t even ask Tamara what brought her here, even though she was burning up with the need to know if she moved on. But just as Tamara had no more right to know, she didn’t, either. They were not together anymore: everything changed.

That didn’t make Brianna feel any better, of course, and she continued to stare at Tamara’s back with the same tightness in her chest.

\--

Having sex in the toilets here wasn’t exactly unheard of, but Joan still felt like she was doing something nefarious and forbidden, something to be frowned upon.

Maybe it was the fact that she was having sex with someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends, and as far as she could tell, friends usually didn’t fuck each other. Though what was going on between her and Petra, she wasn’t sure. After that kiss that happened between them a week ago, everything continued where it left off, with no drastic changes. In fact, it seemed like nothing changed at all, like they were still besties, without any underlying plus emotions.

At least, it didn’t seem like Petra thought about what happened between them on Sunday, at all, and Joan would have lied if she said it didn’t break her heart. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but Petra not even bringing it up, just simply dragging her to the toilets and eating her out without so much as a word surely wasn’t it.

Her legs were still shaking when Petra stood, wiping her mouth with a satisfied little purr, as if Joan was the best thing she had ever tasted. She stretched out languidly, causing her breasts to lift inside her crop top in the most gorgeous way possible.

It was probably her chance to ask her what they were right now, what any of this meant, but there was a part of Joan’s brain that was terrified of knowing the answer. Because she wasn’t sure she could handle it if Petra said it was nothing more than a hookup to her, that she paid Joan no more mind besides sex.

So, she ended up not talking, but grabbing Petra and pushing her up against the wall and claiming her lips in a deep kiss. She growled as she tasted herself on Petra’s lips. Her hands found Petra’s hips and squeezed possessively, making the other girl keen against her mouth.

‘’Fuck me.” Petra demanded, wrapping a leg around Joan’s waist and dragging her close to grind their crotches together. Joan swore under her breath, burying her face in Petra’s neck. She burnt with the urge to mark her, to suck and sink her teeth into the skin, but she restrained herself with great effort.

Joan fumbled with the zipper on Petra’s pants, only managing to drag it down on the third try. Once she was done with that, she sunk her hand inside, a gasp escaping as she touched bare, wet skin.

‘’You’re not wearing underwear.” She stated breathlessly, and Petra laughed, spreading her legs wider.

‘’Wanted to make sure you had easy access.”

Something about that sentence made Joan’s cheeks twinge with warmth, and surprisingly, not only the arousing kind. Just the idea that Petra wasn’t wearing panties because of her…she didn’t say easy access to anyone else. She only meant Joan, right?

Realizing she was dwelling uselessly again, she waved away those thoughts and entered Petra with two fingers instead, focusing on the wet, warm heat that enveloped her. Petra let out a relieved moan, resting her head on Joan’s shoulder.

‘’God…” she panted as Joan started moving, thrusting in and out of her steadily. ‘’You’re good with your hands.”

‘’I’m a mechanic.” Joan reminded her with a proud little grin, feeling much like the cat that just got the cream. Petra had sex with many, many girls, and yet, she was so astounded by Joan’s skills- it must have meant something.

Fueled by the thought, she hooked her fingers, brushing the pads against the swollen bundle of nerves she found. Petra bucked her hips into her hands, her own fingers digging into Joan’s shoulders.

‘’You’re gonna be the death of me.” She whispered, rocking her hips against Joan’s hand. She was soaking wet, drenching Joan’s fingers, but she found no shame in the loud squelching sounds. She just sighed happily, giving herself over to Joan completely.

‘’That’s mutual.” Joan breathed, bringing up her thumb to circle Petra’s clit. That way, she was focused enough not to think about what she really meant by that sentence.

\--

‘’Uhm…so, basically, you are going to…do it at home?” Dinah asked, eyes so big they nearly took up her entire face, and Freddie couldn’t help but laugh softly at her expression. 

‘’Well, this is the plan.” She said, gazing up at Jane with a smile. Jane’s cheeks were slightly pink, but she was smiling, too, her fingers wrapped tightly around Freddie’s.

‘’We discussed it, and we decided it’s definitely worth a try.” Jane added softly. ‘’We don’t know if it’s actually gonna work, but what can we lose? Nothing.”

Their friends hummed, silently dumbfounded, and Freddie didn’t blame them. After all, it sounded a little crazy, perhaps, the idea of doing IVF at home, without professionals around. But both her and Jane felt like they should give it a try. Like Jane said, there wasn’t much to lose. Colin provided them with plenty of sperm: if their plan failed, they could still go to the clinic and continue the same way they always did. Freddie was just simply tired of the stirrups and the paper gowns, the constant poking and prodding, the hormone shots and sterile smell. She knew it was all standard procedure, pretty much the only way they could have a biological baby, but it felt so clinical. It wasn’t intimate, in any way- and while Freddie understood that female biology didn’t exactly give them the chance to get each other pregnant, she still mourned the experience that she couldn’t have.

Or maybe, she could, and Jane agreed with her, quite enthusiastically.

‘’I really don’t want to burst your pink bubble, but I’m sure it would work easier with a fertilized egg that gets implanted.” Regina’s voice was gentle, trying not to upset her friends. ‘’I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it might be difficult.”

‘’We know.” Jane replied, her smile never faltering. ‘’But we want to give it a try.”

‘’What we realized, is maybe I have such a hard time conceiving, because the medical environment and the constant examinations stress me out.” Freddie explained. ‘’Maybe if we do it in our bedroom, just the two of us, it will work out better.”

‘’And it will feel more like the two of us made that baby. I’m not pulling my weight enough with the baby-making.” Jane joked, making everyone, except for Paula, laugh. The latter just stared with a blank face, and Jane started to feel really uncomfortable in her presence- not just right now, but in general. She had no hard proof against Paula that would mean she was a threat, but her constant leering at  
Freddie raised alarms in Jane’s head. She wasn’t entirely convinced of her supposed heterosexuality, much less after her new haircut and the flannel she was sporting. It all seemed natural for her, something which was clearly hidden inside, and while Jane was somewhat happy for her, she was also worried a little bit. Paula was a strange enigma, polite and kind but with a slightly rough edge that sometimes shone through, and Jane felt like she was trying way too hard to fit in with them, too immersed in their lives. Sure, she understood she was lonely and trying to make friends, but it was making the most of them feel a little uncomfortable. Freddie, bless her heart, noticed none of this, welcoming the newbie with open arms- and while Jane found Freddie’s empathy endearing, she hoped it wouldn’t turn into naivety. 

‘’It’s so romantic.” Dinah sighed dreamily. ‘’You’re gonna make a baby together.”

Etta, who despite still had a bit of a bone with her girlfriend after her attempted call to her parents, wrapped an arm around her and smiled, too. Maybe she was still a little angry with Dinah, but she loved her dearly- and maybe they haven’t been together for that long, but she did imagine their future together, sometimes. And if she saw them married with kids, that was just as well.

‘’We will make sure not to miss a single drop.” Freddie said. ‘’Jane will plug me up to keep it all in, so we actually have high chances, you know?”

‘’Too much information.” Phoebe squeaked, blushing profusely. Georgia laughed, patting her back playfully.

‘’Don’t worry, you will get your own plug soon.”

‘’NO….why did you have to say that?”

‘’Right, maybe she doesn’t own toys.” Regina played along with a shit-eating grin. Phoebe buried her face in her hands, groaning in embarrassment.

‘’Who doesn’t own toys?” Brianna, who returned with their drinks, asked, balancing half of them in her hands. She luckily ran into Joan and Petra on her way back, so they helped her carry the rest, a little flushed and somewhat messy looking, but otherwise (hopefully) not looking too suspiciously like they were fucking.

‘’Phoebe’s crush.” Etta cooed, and Phoebe swatted at her with a hiss.

‘’Ah, the personal trainer with the abs to die for?” Petra asked, plopping down on the couch with a grin. She let out a huff as she sat, looking somewhat uncomfortable for a second, but she dismissed it with a little smile. Joan tried not to choke on her own spit, knowing that Petra not being able to sit properly was her own handiwork, literally.

‘’She’s not my crush, she’s just really hot, and sweet, and smart, and funny, and I really like spending time with her.” Phoebe protested. Seeing the knowing grins of her friends, she sighed, deeply. ‘’I have a crush on her, don’t I?”

‘’Totally.” Brianna grinned, handing Phoebe her glass. ‘’But I don’t blame you. I’m not that into butches, but she really is very attractive.”

Phoebe sighed again, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. Who was she kidding? She was totally crushing on Jenny, which was silly. There was no way someone like Jenny would ever spare her a second glance. She was probably into girls like herself, sporty and fit as a fiddle. Not someone who could crush her bones by sitting on her lap.

She should have really learned not to fall for girls so out of her league- just look at what happened with Dani. Phoebe always walked into this trap, and ended up with a broken heart. Jenny was just her trainer, only smiling at her so sweetly and encouragingly because Phoebe paid her for it. Her hands on Phoebe’s hips were only there to balance her, not because she actually enjoyed touching her client. Clearly. She obviously wasn’t having inappropriate thoughts while she was practically bending Phoebe in half, pushing her knees up to her chest to strengthen her stomach muscles- it was all in Phoebe’s head, touch-starved and miserable.

‘’Why don’t you ask her out?” Freddie asked. ‘’You’re so hung upon her. And she’s like, 100% gay. Just look at her haircut.”

‘’No way.” Phoebe scoffed. ‘’She would never be into me.”

‘’How do you know that?” Jane asked with a soft smile. ‘’You’ll never know unless you give it a try.”

‘’Can she do that?” Paula perked up, speaking for the first time for a very long time. She was busy ogling the dancing women around them, when she wasn’t occupied with taking all the details of the conversation in. ‘’I mean…you can just ask each other out? Just like that?”

Georgia, who was half-listening, half-checking her phone for any text indicating Jill was going to show up, sent her a look.

‘’Yes? Why is that so strange?”

‘’Because you’re all women.” Paula said, as if it was obvious. ‘’What if someone takes it the wrong way?”

‘’Well,” Freddie spoke, ‘’it happens, but it’s usually not too bad. Most girls let you down gently. Sure, there are assholes, but it’s rare. But Jenny is totally a flaming lesbian. I bet she drives a Subaru and has a coupon to IKEA. She’s probably very good with a hammer, too. She’s like the biggest lesbian, judging by the looks of her.”

‘’Because you’re exactly like that, huh?” Regina teased. ‘’You’re the gayest woman I know, and you can’t even hold a hammer. Or drive. And your excessive collection of miniskirts and high-heels puts even mine to shame.”

‘’But I like IKEA!” Freddie shot back with a laugh, causing the rest of the group to snicker. ‘’But come on, it’s obvious Jenny is sooooooo gay.”

‘’Whatever.” Phoebe huffed. ‘’No matter how gay she is, she would never be interested in me. I’d have more chances with a bouquet of tulips.”

‘’Phoebe?”

The collective gasp her friends- even Paula- let out made Phoebe immediately fear for her life as she slowly turned around. Her heart leapt into her throat upon seeing Jenny standing before her in her full white T-shirt and distressed jeans glory, pushing her glasses further up on her nose with an almost shy gesture.

‘’Oh, uhm, hi.” Phoebe stammered, desperately trying to hide the fact that she was screaming inside. Freddie hid her grin in Jane’s shoulder, resisting the urge to coo out loud.

‘’I thought I recognized you.” Jenny said. Her blue eyes were sparkling in the colorful lights as she smiled at Phoebe. Phoebe blushed, unable to stop a drowsy smile from spreading on her face.

‘’It’s so nice to see you.” She whispered, and Jenny’s smile widened. After several moments of staring at Phoebe, she suddenly remembered the rest of the girls grinning in the background. She tore her eyes away from Phoebe, waving at them a little awkwardly.

‘’Sorry, you must be Phoebe’s friends. I’m Jenny.”

‘’We know.” Joan grinned, and the rest of the girls giggled. Phoebe’s cheeks were flaming in embarrassment, but Jenny just kept smiling.

‘’I came here with friends too, but they kinda ditched me.” She admitted with a little eye-roll. ‘’The bastards. Anyways, I just came over here to say hello. I should probably go find them.”  
Phoebe just nodded lamely, unsure of what to say. Jenny looked back at her expectantly, shifting on her feet. Freddie rolled her eyes, reaching over and slapping Phoebe’s thigh as hard as she could muster, making her friend yelp.

‘’What?” She whined, massaging the aching muscle. Freddie jerked her head not too subtly towards Jenny. Jane grinned at her knowingly, Petra, Dinah and Regina couldn’t hide their giggles, Joan and Brianna kept rolling their eyes, Etta cleared her throat very loudly, and Georgia and Paula shook their heads at her. After gathering everyone’s reactions, Phoebe realized what they were trying to say, and she blushed even deeper.

‘’Yeah…erm, Jenny, would you like to join us?” She squeaked out, and she could swear she saw Etta punch the air triumphantly. Jenny’s face utterly lit up, and she nodded.

‘’I would love to.”

Phoebe scooted over, and Jenny sat next to her, shooting her a soft smile.

Brianna chuckled, shaking her head fondly. She loved Phoebe, but she was an idiot, if she thought Jenny wasn’t into her. She pretty much looked at her friend like she hung the moon and the stars.

Her gaze shifted behind them, and her chest immediately constricted with pain when her eyes landed on Addie Lambert. It wasn’t so much the sight of the lesbian heartthrob, that made her heart clench so miserably.

It was rather the sight of the girl she was with, in her silver top and black choker, laughing softly when Addie caressed a hand down her cheek.

So, she had her answer. Tamara moved on, after all.

\--

Georgia was so caught up in cooing over Phoebe and Jenny, that she barely noticed when her phone pinged with a new text. She tore her eyes away from her friends, looking down at her phone with an expectant smile.

Jill was supposed to be here any minute now, and Georgia couldn’t wait. She never had the chance to introduce her girlfriend to her best friends, or be out with her in public in general. Maybe Jill was making progress, finally taking the first steps towards coming out. Georgia was so excited to witness it.

Her mood turned irreparably sour, when instead of Jill texting her to tell her she was on her way, her screen simply read ‘’I can’t do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might actually be a plot building here? Who knows!
> 
> As always, feedback is super appreciated!


	6. Le Jazz Hot Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lesbian clubs attract drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More lesbian club shenanigans! Sorry about the chaotic updates, I'm trying to work on so many fics at the same time while studying for my exams, so it's getting harder and harder to keep myself to the deadlines, but I'm trying my best!

It wasn’t hard to tell Brianna wasn’t in the mood to dance. She kept glancing over her shoulders, a tense set to her jaw, as if she kept expecting to catch a glimpse of a certain someone. She was never quite the dancer; she enjoyed clubbing with her friends, but the dancefloor just wasn’t her forte. This went beyond her usual disdain towards, dancing, clearly. Something dark was on her mind, again.

‘’You okay?” Joan shouted over the music, one arm around Petra’s waist and the other around Brianna’s shoulder. Her friend flinched, dragged back into reality with a confused look on her face.

‘’Huh?”

Petra leaned in, laying a gentle hand on her arm. ‘’Are you feeling sick? Want me to go with you to the loo?”

She sent Joan a glance, causing the latter to bite her lip and flush a deep crimson red. Thank God the lighting hid her face. Was she going to blush every single time someone mentions toilets, just because she fucked Petra there? That would make her look incredibly weird, that’s for sure.

Brianna shook her head, her eyes once again scanning the crowd. She didn’t even know what she expected; why was she even so upset over seeing Tamara with someone else? They were over. There was no more going back, she promised herself. Both of them had the right to move on. Yet, seeing Addie Lambert flirt with Tamara felt like a stab in the gut. She looked so happy, relaxed. Brianna couldn’t even remember the last time she wasn’t looking on the verge of death with sorrow after her mother’s death, and then with the heavy guilt in her eyes as she told Brianna about what she did. She was different; she left the past behind. Brianna, despite being the one who needed to move forward with twice the speed, simply couldn’t. She hated admitting defeat, but she clearly lost this, whatever this even was in the first place.

‘’I think I’m gonna catch some fresh air.” She ended up saying, already pushing past Joan and Petra who stared in confusion. Brianna knew they would only follow her after a few minutes, knowing right well she needed some time alone to sulk.

Petra shook her head with a sigh. Women were so complicated, and she had a right to say that. She glanced back at Joan, feeling heat rising to her cheeks when Joan gave her a small smile. Damn it. What the Hell were they even doing? They are supposed to be friends. Surely this wasn’t normal. But God, did it feel so good! Not just the sex- though, truth be told, Joan was absolutely fantastic in that area-, but the feeling of having her so close. Her lips against Petra’s, her hands around her waist…

Petra had a hunch what this meant, and she didn’t know if she was ready for it. She wasn’t really looking for commitment, let alone with someone she considered a friend, but she had to stop lying to herself. She had been having feelings for Joan for a long time now, but always pushed them away. That’s why it hurt even more to fight with her, to hear the disdain in her voice. Because Joan mattered to her in a way she was too scared to admit. And now she felt more confused than ever, not sure what to do with this thing going on between them. After all, it was unlikely Joan wanted more than sex, right? 

It would have been probably easier if Petra just asked, but communication was never her best skill. Instead, she just pulled Joan closer with a flirty smile, hoping things would just solve themselves.

\--

The hand on her waist felt so perfect; it was such a simple touch, nothing she needed to overthink, but in that moment, she felt like she was flying. She desperately wanted to lean into the touch, wanted more of the warm hands, the tenderness. God, she really was so pathetically touch-starved. Having a hand on her waist shouldn’t send her into cardiac arrest.

‘’I have to say, I was surprised to find you here.” Jenny said. The lights reflected off her beautiful eyes, like a million stars, and Phoebe was worried she would get blinded by them. She felt incredibly clumsy whenever she was dancing, and now this worry amplified tenfold. She was so much taller, so much bigger than Jenny. It felt all wrong. Jenny should be dancing with someone petite, a tiny, fragile thing. Yet, she didn’t even spare too much of a glance at Phoebe’s much more attractive friends. When Freddie declared it was time to dance, Jenny immediately turned to Phoebe and took her hand. She was so polite, her hands never straying, always checking in to make sure Phoebe was comfortable…or, well. Why would her hands stray? Who would want to grope someone like Phoebe? She didn’t have a single ounce of attractiveness in her. Yeah, probably this was it.

‘’Really?” Phoebe squeezed out, trying to focus on the conversation instead of her self-deprecating thoughts. Her fingers were twitching against Jenny’s shoulders, so desperate to grip onto them properly, but she felt like she had no right to do that.

‘’I didn’t know this was your scene.” Jenny said, nodding towards the dancing women around them. Her lips curled into a genuine smile. ‘’I didn’t know you were gay.”

‘’Oh, well, yeah.” Phoebe could have lied about not knowing Jenny was gay, too, but her friends were right. She was just in denial. Jenny was the ultimate soft butch. No straight girl would look and act like that.

‘’Your friends seem nice.” Jenny continued. Someone knocked into Phoebe, and Jenny instinctively pulled her closer, wrapping a protective arm around her. Phoebe was certain she was going to die, right in that second.

‘’You have quite a large entourage.”

Phoebe laughed softly. Her eyes drifted to Etta and Dinah, swaying together while pulling a somewhat reluctant Georgia closer. They sandwiched her between their bodies, causing the taller girl to roll her eyes fondly. Phoebe smiled. ‘’Yeah, I do. They are my safety net. My safety net of lovable weirdos.”

‘’What about…uhm, Paula, right? She seems a little out of place.”

‘’She’s new. She arrived in London a few weeks ago. She felt lonely, so we sort of took her in.”

‘’That’s really nice of you.” Jenny said. Her eyes were so warm despite the icy blueness. ‘’You have such a big heart, you know? I could tell right away.”

‘’It’s nothing. Not a big deal, really.” Phoebe chuckled, cheeks going pink. Jenny tutted, the arm around her waist tightening a bit- or was this just Phoebe’s tipsy imagination?

‘’Hey, don’t do that.” She scorned her softly, though there was no anger in her voice. It was an entirely different emotion, but Phoebe had no idea what it was.

‘’Do…what?” She squeaked. There was an almost sad edge to Jenny’s smile now.

‘’Don’t deflect when someone compliments you. You deserve it, Phoebe. Why are you tearing yourself down all the time? You keep doing it when I praise you in the gym. You don’t believe me?”

‘’I…” What was she supposed to say to this? Where was this conversation even going?

Jenny’s hands left her waist, only to grab Phoebe’s hands instead. Her fingers were slightly calloused, but her touch was gentle as she rubbed a thumb across the back of her hand. A million sparks raced across her skin from the contact.

‘’Maybe it’s a weird thing to say,” Jenny said, in the company of an awkward little chuckle. She appeared to be getting a little…shy? Nervous? ‘’But I think you really are a nice person, Phoebe. You’re so sweet, do you know that you are my favorite client?”

When Phoebe shook her head, dumbfounded, Jenny bit her lip. Another nervous little laugh escaped. ‘’It’s silly, because I know you for three weeks, maybe, but I just really enjoy your company. You’re kind, you’re funny, you’re beautiful…”

Phoebe didn’t hear the rest of her words, as her brain short-circuited. Jenny just called her beautiful. Her, of all people. When women like Freddie with her perfect hourglass shape was right there. Or Petra with plump lips and seductive eyes. Or Regina with her long lashes and bubble butt. Or any of her friends, really. Either of them was a thousand times more beautiful than she was, and she was certain Jenny met much hotter women in the gym. Why would she call Phoebe beautiful, why would she praise her so much, why would she look at her with so much fondness in her eyes, even when Phoebe is a sweaty, wheezing mess in the gym, or when she’s giggling awkwardly, when she’s being her too tall, too fat, ridiculous self…

‘’…uhm, so…that’s a no?”

Crap! She was so caught up in her whirlwind of emotions, that she didn’t even hear what Jenny was saying. And now Jenny looked so worried, chewing on her lips and eyes panicky behind her glasses.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.” Phoebe stuttered. Jenny visibly deflated, a smile tugging on her lips again.

‘’I asked you if you would like to…”

‘’Hey, cutie pies!”

Phoebe flinched as Regina threw her arms around them, swaying a bit on her feet. She was obviously drunk, and while touchy-feely, extra affectionate Regina was usually pretty endearing, right now, Phoebe wanted to smack her for ruining their moment.

‘’Having fun?” Regina slurred. There was a fading lipstick mark on her cheek and a blooming hickey on her neck, proving she continued her quest of casual hookups.

‘’Yeah, it’s cool.” Jenny replied. Her smile seemed somewhat forced, and she sounded a tad bit disappointed. Regina noticed none of that.

‘’I’m really enjoying myself.” She chuckled, leaning her full weight against Phoebe. ‘’I had a threesome in the loo.”

‘’That’s fantastic.” Phoebe replied, patting the top of her head. Regina giggled.

‘’There’s no need for commitment, ladies. Seriously. Relationships are a lot of trouble. I, personally, hate having feelings. What about you? Do you hate having crushes and stuff?”

She wriggled her eyebrows, and Phoebe sent her a death glare. Luckily, Jenny didn’t catch on.

‘’I think we have different views on commitment, but that’s totally okay.” She said simply, sending Phoebe a warm smile.

‘’Whatever you say.” Regina grinned. She leaned close to Phoebe’s ear, slurring something that sounded suspiciously like ‘’you need to lick those abs”, before she stumbled away, back into the dancing crowd.

Nobody said that she couldn’t be happy about her friends just because she didn’t want to fall in love again. They had a right to live how they wanted, and so did she. In fact, maybe she should go and find another hookup- she was really in her element tonight. There would be a few names to add to her chart, though she wasn’t sure what they were called, maybe it started with an N, and a D…?

‘’Hey, Princess. Long time no see.”

She whipped around so fast she nearly tripped over. If it wasn’t for Crystal’s arms holding her up, she would have fallen onto the floor.

Crystal. God, Regina thought she could forget about her, the girl that threatened to blow a huge hole into Regina’s plan. Crystal was trouble, Regina avoided her for a reason. 

‘’Ahh, I was busy, you know how it goes.” Regina replied smoothly. It took her a second to notice she was still in Crystal’s arms. She pulled back, clearing her throat awkwardly. Crystal watched her like a hawk, a hint of amusement in her eyes. She clearly saw right through the bullshit.

‘’So, the only reason you didn’t even bother to text back, is that you were busy.” Crystal sounded dangerously sober. This wasn’t going to be good. God, why didn’t Regina just pretend she didn’t recognize her!?

She wiped the lipstick mark off with her thumb, and Regina hated herself for leaning into the touch. Why did Crystal have her under her spell so much? Why did she have to be so bloody fun and interesting, why did she have to make Regina want more, despite what she kept telling herself?

‘’I really enjoyed our little rendezvous.” Crystal continued. She stared down at the redness on her thumb, humming softly. ‘’Wouldn’t have been opposed to repeat it.”

‘’I don’t do relationships.” Regina blurted out, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. Crystal arched an eyebrow, then she let out a laugh.

‘’I’m not proposing to you. Just wanted to grab a coffee with you, getting to know you a little better. Why is that such a bad thing?”

‘’Because…” Regina quickly realized the words about to leave her lips sounded incredibly stupid out loud right now. If she said ‘’because she didn’t want to fall in love”, that would have meant she admitted she was a bit hung upon Crystal after their hookup, and she simply couldn’t admit that. What even was her problem, really? What’s the guarantee they would even end up in a relationship? Why would that be so bad?

Because it could end like so many of her last flings. With tears, and anger, and fighting. Like her parents. Hurting each other, yelling and making her life at home a living Hell. There was so much risk in a relationship, even if it didn’t end up being abusive. She couldn’t get her heart broken.

Crystal sighed, kicking a discarded plastic cup away with a tip of her boot. 

‘’Sometimes, it’s better to give it a chance, you know? To the thing you’re afraid of. Maybe you will find it being much more pleasant than you think.”

Regina stared at her feet. Suddenly, she felt more sober than she was supposed to. She knew Crystal was right. But what if it would end up in misery, too?

‘’I guess.” She muttered. There was a triumphant grin on Crystal’s face, and Regina wanted to fuck it right off.

‘’Look, it’s just one date.” Crystal promised. ‘’If you don’t feel comfortable, we won’t meet again. You can go back to being casual, and I can go back to my own thing.”

‘’What’s your thing?”

‘’Casual, but then somehow always falling for someone.” Crystal replied, holding Regina’s gaze until she trembled under the weight of it. Crystal was such an elemental force, and Regina was truly scared she wasn’t going to be able to resist.

She shouldn’t agree to this. She promised herself she wouldn’t. This was stupid.

Yet, the words left her mouth before she could stop herself. ‘’Okay. I’ll go on one date with you. One date. Not a second more.”

Crystal’s grin widened, and she reached out to brush a piece of hair out of Regina’s face gently. ‘’Lovely. I’m gonna get back to my friends, okay? I’ll catch you later”.

Regina grabbed her arm before she could walk away, pulling her back until their faces were only inches apart.

‘’Do you want to fuck before that?” Regina pleaded, fluttering her eyelashes for good measure. ‘’I really want to ride your fingers. And you can ride mine. It’s equality.”

Crystal laughed softly, bopping her on the nose. ‘’You’re too drunk. I don’t want you to do anything you would regret.”

Regina pouted, and Crystal smiled, kissing it off her lips gently. Regina melted, opening her mouth happily. Crystal just barely slipped her tongue inside before she pulled back, not letting Regina deepen the kiss.

‘’See you around, Princess.” Crystal grinned. Over her shoulders, she threw back, ‘’and be brave.”

Regina sighed, staring after her until she was lost in the crowd.

\--

Jane usually wasn’t the jealous type. She was aware that her wife was beautiful, and many people turned after her on the streets. She saw the appreciative glances thrown her away, but she knew she didn’t need to worry. One, Freddie was loyal. She had been loyal to Jane for several years now: she was fully committed, and wouldn’t even look twice at a woman who wasn’t her wife. Two, there were nasty people out there, obviously, but most of them left Freddie alone when they realized she was taken.

It wasn’t Freddie she was worrying about right now. It was Paula.

Maybe she was going mad, but she didn’t quite have the same predicament about that girl like the rest of the group in the first place, and with each day Paula spent around them, Jane felt less and less comfortable in her presence. Tonight marked the beginning of her long-lasting disdain towards her, when she later thought back on it.

She danced with Freddie, which was all nice, Jane didn’t mind. They danced with their friends every time; they playfully slapped each other’s asses and dramatically slow danced to upbeat songs, like true friends do. But it didn’t seem like Paula was just being playful; there was a certain darkness, a hunger in her eyes when she looked at Freddie, and it made Jane’s skin crawl.

Freddie, bless her heart, didn’t seem to notice the leering. She threw herself into the music, smiling happily and shaking her round little butt without realizing the obvious way Paula was eating her up with her eyes. She looked absolutely beautiful in her green lace-up dress that hugged her curves perfectly, but Jane had a hard time appreciating her beauty when Paula was looking at her like that.

She slinked closer to them, wrapping an arm around Freddie’s waist from behind protectively. Freddie seemed surprised for a second, then she smiled, turning around in her arms and winding her arms around Jane’s neck. Paula glared at them, causing Jane’s stomach to drop.

‘’You okay?” Jane asked, leaning close to Freddie’s ear to make sure only her wife heard it. Freddie nodded with a smile, resting her head on Jane’s shoulders.

‘’Paula is very energetic,” Freddie laughed. ‘’I didn’t know she could dance like that! She really is having fun with figuring herself out, darling. I’m happy for her.”

Jane wished Paula figured herself out by dancing with any girl, but Freddie. Seriously, this was a lesbian bar- there were so many women! She could even dance with one of the single girls of their group (though, truth be told, Jane wouldn’t have unleashed Paula on any of her friends). Why did she have to pick Freddie, of all of them? Why did she have to latch onto her in the first place?

Because that’s what she did. Jane noticed. She had been drawn to Freddie from the second she spotted them in The Planet. Sure, Freddie was very easy on the eyes, and she was so kind, so loveable and fun, and they shared interests, but Jane was sure it went way beyond that. After all, both her and Paula were Irish, and yet, sharing a good Guinness with each other was still yet to come. It wasn’t just the case of two artists bonding: whether Freddie acknowledged it or not, Paula had a crush on her, and she didn’t even try to hide it. Even the rest of the group noticed, but they assured Jane it would be fine. 

Paula was harmless. Regina was the only truly suspicious one, but she was nowhere to be seen now to back up Jane a little.

‘’And how is it going for her?” Jane asked, eyes drifting from Freddie to Paula. She was still staring at them from a polite distance.

‘’She told me she would probably break up with her fiancé.” Freddie said, her eyes going sorrowful. ‘’I know how awful it is. Break-ups are never fun, even if you’re not really in love with the other person. And it’s a big step in her self-acceptance.”

‘’Yeah.” Jane muttered. ‘’Is she trying to hook up with a girl? I haven’t seen her dance with anyone but you tonight.”

‘’She’s shy.” Freddie cooed, as if Paula was an adorable baby. ‘’You know how this is, darling. When you’re just a baby dyke and your legs are all shaky and you can’t stand up on your own.”

‘’You mean a baby deer?” Jane asked with a fond smile. Freddie shrugged playfully.

‘’A lesbian baby deer. Thing is, Paula needs some encouragement. Let her do this in her own tempo.”

‘’Sure.” Jane replied. Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline when Paula approached them, all but plastering herself against Freddie’s back, sandwiching her between them. Jane couldn’t hold back a little growl.

‘’So, you’re really gonna do that insemination thing?” She asked, leaning so close her lips nearly brushed Freddie’s ear. Jane pulled her closer, narrowing her eyes at the intruder.

‘’Yes.” She replied, sending Paula a challenging look. ‘’Why?”

‘’Nothing.” Paula replied innocently. ‘’I’m happy for you.” Her voice dripped from artificial sweetness, but Freddie just cooed.

‘’Thank you! We cannot wait to do it!”

‘’I wish I had a relationship like that.” Paula sighed sadly, looking at Freddie meaningfully. ‘’With someone sweet and loyal enough to make such important decisions with.”

Like Freddie, Jane thought bitterly. God, how did Freddie not notice this!?

‘’You will find someone, just you wait.” Freddie cooed sweetly, patting Paula on the arm. ‘’You don’t need to rush things.”

‘’I kinda do.” Paula said, her tone turning a little bitter. It was always interesting, in a psychological point of view, to see the changes between the different personalities she displayed. Jane wondered if this had something to do with her broody writing, but it never felt like she was showing her true face. Paula always appeared to be hiding behind a mask, twisting herself to adapt to the situation and only very rarely letting something resembling of an actual personality shine through. It was fascinating in a way, but it was also really scary. Maybe she really was harmless, and she just needed more time to relax fully around them, or maybe this was an intricate game with terrifying future results.

‘’You are all out and proud. You are getting married and having kids. None of you have to hide, except for that Jill person.”

‘’Georgia’s girlfriend.” Freddie clarified softly. ‘’But you see, dear, we are all different. I struggled a lot too, as I told you.”

Jane perked up, an uncomfortable feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know Freddie shared so many intimate details with Paula; she thought this was just vaguely mentioned, but it seemed Freddie babbled to her quite a lot. Jane wasn’t sure if this was a good idea; they didn’t know Paula well enough. Did she even earn that much of Freddie’s trust?

‘’I know.” Paula replied, voice sweet as honey. She squeezed Freddie’s hand. ‘’You’re helping me a lot, Freddie. You make me accept myself.” When she noticed Jane’s look, she nodded at her curtly. ‘’You all do. Being friends with you opened my eyes.”

There were so many conflicting emotions when it came to Paula, and maybe this was the problem, that Paula knew that. That she used this as a bit of an advantage to make Freddie and most of the group coddle her, playing up the victimized persona. Or maybe this was all true, and she truly suffered. She never seemed to let her walls down, and so, Jane couldn’t decide which was the truth. She was probably under stress, clearly, as everyone who struggled with coming out- just look at the chaos going on between Jill and Georgia-, but for some reason, Jane felt there was a manipulative side to her. It was safer to keep an eye on her, just in case.

Freddie and Paula continued to coo over each other, and Jane shifted in the background, sighing. She wasn’t worried Freddie would cheat on her; she was worried she would get used by someone she puts too much trust in. Jane prayed she was wrong.

A blur of high ponytail, winged eyeliner and animal prints appeared, and Jane’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head when Addie Lambert- the sapphic Casanova of the area, the lesbian heartthrob-, patted Paula on the shoulder.

‘’Hey, there.” She greeted her smoothly. Paula seemed confused for a second, then she smiled at her, somewhat awkwardly.

‘’Hi.”

‘’You know each other?” Freddie questioned, with unmasked surprise. Addie gave her a smile that could have melted butter. Okay, Jane could see the appeal. A lot. Addie didn’t even have to introduce herself; she was quite the legend around here. It was enough to see her signature cheeky smile and those mesmerizing eyes.

‘’We ran into each other at the hairdresser’s the other day.” Addie explained with a grin. ‘’Saw here getting a haircut. Paula, right?”

‘’Yes. What do you think of the hair?”

‘’Nice.” Addie grinned, giving her an appreciative once-over. It was true what they said about her: she clearly didn’t have an exact type. She was seen with femmes, butches, big girls and petite girls, blondes and brunettes, dark-skinned girls and light-skinned girls, tall girls and short girls. Addie wasn’t picky, clearly. Now she apparently had her eyes on the baby butch of the group.

‘’Can I get you a drink?” She asked, caressing a light hand down Paula’s arm. Paula flushed slightly, confusion swirling in her eyes. After a few seconds of battling with herself, she nodded, and Addie turned on her heels with a wide grin.

Maybe now she would leave Freddie alone, Jane hoped. If Paula was looking for a stable relationship, she obviously wasn’t going to find it in Addie, but maybe she would forget about a very taken Freddie at least.

\--

Georgia’s fingers shook so hard she nearly dropped her phone. She desperately tried to hide it back on the dancefloor, bopping with Etta and Dinah and hoping they didn’t notice her obvious distress. She didn’t want to ruin the fun, but she had to admit, her heart was incredibly heavy inside her chest.

She sat on the closed toilet lid, wiping her clammy hand on her legs. It took all her willpower not to yell right into the phone when Jill finally picked up.

Even that willpower wasn’t enough to stop her from crying.

‘’You promised,” she whispered brokenly, her lungs not filling with enough air. ‘’You promised me.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, before Jill let out a shaky breath.

‘’I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered. She sounded just as broken as Georgia felt. ‘’I couldn’t do it. What if someone saw me?”

‘’You’re never going to come out like this.” Georgia sighed. Her head started to pound. She was so tired of this back and forth. Jill told her she felt ready to take this step. That she might be ready very soon to be public about it. Apparently, this wasn’t true. And Georgia hated herself for getting mad at her girlfriend, but this had been stretching for a whole year now. It was always just promises, and then nothing happened. Georgia was so tired of being a dirty little secret.

‘’I was so excited about you coming,” Georgia continued shakily, ‘’I thought it could work this time. I thought you stopped lying.”

‘’Georgia,” Jill sighed heavily, ‘’you know it’s not that easy. And I’m in the public eye, I have to be careful!”

‘’It’s a football team!” Georgia scoffed, wiping at her face angrily. ‘’There are so many gay football players out there! What difference would it make?”

‘’Maybe I’m just not that brave, okay?” Jill snapped. ‘’Do you think I don’t want to be able to tell people that I’m bi? That I don’t want to hold your hand on the street? Trust me, you could never hate me for being such a coward as much as I hate myself!”

‘’I don’t hate you! I love you, okay? I love you so much, and I want to you to be happy! I don’t want you to hide, this is the point!”

‘’I need more time,” Jill’s voice was getting desperate. ‘’Just a little bit more, okay?”

There was no exit out of this conversation. It always ended in the same circle, with Jill asking for more time. Georgia wasn’t sure how much more time she would be able to handle.

There was a knock on the door after she hung up, and she heard the soft voices of Etta and Dinah.

‘’Are you okay?”

Maybe she should stop pretending she was. They were her friends, after all. At least she could count on them.

She opened the door, revealing her two friends standing there with worried looks on their faces, and she finally broke down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paula is spreading her wings, but let's just say, it doesn't necessary mean something good for us... and the drama keeps piling on.


	7. Learning To Win And To Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paula soars, then crashes and burns; Etta receives bad news; Freddie and Jane take matters into their hands; Georgia and Jill have an uncomfortable conversation; Phoebe stays until closing hours at the gym, and doesn't regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I didn't mean to disappear for a whole month, but exams and other stuff came up, so I didn't have too much time to write (well, at all). Hoping to get back on track soon!

Where having sex with a man was unsatisfactory at best- and plain traumatizing at the worst-, doing it with a woman finally made everything click into place. There was no more pretending, gritted teeth and looming nausea at the pit of her stomach- everything felt just right, instinctively, naturally. It was the big revelation, the enlightening she had been lacking all along, and now that she finally got to experience it, she understood what she had been missing all her life.

It wasn’t even that clumsy as Paula thought it would be. Addie was surprisingly patient for someone with a stud resume, letting her explore and do things in her own tempo. She was gorgeous, too- not as gorgeous as Freddie, and not as sweet, but the sight of her lean body spread on her bedsheets still made Paula’s mouth water.

Addie was also the key that opened the last door to her self-expression. She made the first, big steps, sleeping and somewhat dating another woman. She wasn’t the outsider in her group anymore; she may not be married or fully out publicly, but she was getting there. There was no way she wouldn’t be fully accepted after all of that, after she unlocked the secret passage that made her a full-value member of the team. There was no way Freddie wouldn’t be proud of her, her soft brown eyes lighting up with support and tenderness upon hearing the news.

Kevin knew nothing about the things that went on behind his back. The poor, lost sod was happy that his fiancée had friends, that she was enjoying herself- he had no idea about just how much she did, fingers tangled in another woman’s hair, body lighting on fire on their bed. He was blissfully unaware, until one day he arrived home earlier than usual.

That is how he found Paula, the woman he loved so much, cheating on him with a beautiful girl, kneeling between her legs and pleasuring her.

It didn’t go the way Paula saw in movies: Kevin didn’t start yelling, didn’t grab Addie and threw her out by the neck, didn’t slap Paula for making such a fool out of him. He stood in the doorway, frozen, the bags of groceries dangling from his hands. His face was pale, like he was about to pass out any second, staring at the unmistakable scene without blinking.

In that moment, Paula felt sorry for him. She never loved him, not in the way she was supposed to, or respected him, but she had to admit he was a nice chap with a good heart; he wouldn’t hurt a fly. And now he was clearly hurting, suffering even, as he watched Addie emerge from between the legs of his fiancée with surprising grace.

There was no need for an explanation: what Kevin saw, spoke for itself. He didn’t make a single move as Addie simply walked out of the room, her face unreadable. Paula wasn’t sure if Addie didn’t care at all, or if she was scared saying something would upset the man and get her into trouble. She knew that Paula was taken, and that she lived with a man. She wasn’t shocked by this turn of events, probably, just expertly careful.

The silence was heavy. It felt as if the walls were closing in on them. None of them spoke for a long while: they just stared at one another, waiting for the other to start speaking, or a sudden deus ex machina. Anything to snap them out of the pressing trance.

Eventually, Kevin tore his eyes away from her, turned around and walked away. Paula didn’t know where he went. She heard the front door opening and closing, but whether he just went out for a smoke or ran away, was unclear.

Paula continued sitting on the bed, knees draw up to her chest, staring after him. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel; remorseful, perhaps? Scared? Sad? Guilty?

Or maybe grateful, that she didn’t have to break up with Kevin; this incident spared her from a lot of trouble.

She hummed softly, lying back on the bed.

So grateful, it is.

\--

Dinah only had to take one look at her girlfriend’s face to know something was very, very wrong. She was pale as a sheet, shoulders drooping as she sat on the edge of their bed. Usually, Etta would bounce her knees while on the phone, not a nervous tick, just a habit of hers that just came in pack with her personality. Now, she was perfectly, completely still, knees pressed together so hard the skin turned red where they met. One hand was kneading at the skin on the them, clammy hands leaving damp patches of sweat on her shorts.

Dinah’s heart broke for seeing her like that. She directly didn’t mention anything about Etta’s family since their last fight, and things seemed to be back on track again. Fate has decided to interfere with their quiet bliss, though, when Etta’s phone rang that morning.

Her grandmother, the only person she was still in contact with from her family, was on the other end of the line. She spoke to Etta a few times a week (Dinah always wondered if Etta asked her about her parents at all, and if she got any information, ever), so there was nothing unusual about this occurrence. Etta even picked up cheerfully, expecting to exchange the usual pleasantries with the only person that treated her with the care that family was supposed to give.

Something wasn’t right, though, because the smile on Etta’s face dimmed quickly, replaced by an alarmingly deep frown. She hasn’t spoken for a long while, just listened to her grandmother speaking. Dinah lingered from a polite distance, pretending to fold laundry in the background and hoping to catch a few words through the speakers. She could have screamed in frustration, seeing her sweetheart obviously struggling with something and not knowing what it was, and, therefore, not being able to help her. Her nerves were buzzing by the time Etta finally hung up, uttering a quiet ‘’bye, take care”.

‘’Everything okay?” Dinah asked, unable to keep the worry out of her voice. Etta didn’t reply, just stared ahead, the phone still clutched in her hands. Fear gripped Dinah’s heart. If something upset Etta, she would usually start ranting right away, cursing everyone and everything that caused her to feel miserable. Now she was silent, mouth pursed into a thin line.

It was like a burst of lightning when she suddenly threw away her phone, slamming it against the wall. Dinah gasped, startled by the sudden movements. She barely had time to react before Etta started sobbing, a frustrated hand wringed into her hair.

‘’He’s gonna have a baby,” Etta cried, face growing red and blotchy from the tears, ‘’he’s gonna have a fucking kid.”

‘’Who?” Dinah asked, approaching Etta carefully. She had seen her upset in the few months they spent together, but never this much. It felt like someone shot her in the chest, it hurt so much to see Etta like this.

Etta looked up at her, eyes full of unfiltered pain, the tears making steady tracks down her cheeks. It was the most miserable sight Dinah has ever seen.

‘’My father.” Etta whispered, swallowing hard. Her hands shook in her laps, uncontrollably. ‘’His wife is pregnant.”

A deep sigh left Dinah’s lips. It was obvious, why this upset Etta so much: her family was out there living their best lives, having kids and building their future, without her. They casted her out, as if she never belonged there, and moved on, while she was still broken over what happened between them. Etta’s father didn’t even bother to call his own daughter, to inform her about the fact she was going to have a sibling, he passed the message over through Etta’s grandma. Hell, he probably didn’t even know she told Etta about it. He probably had no intention on sharing the news in any way.

She sat next to Etta and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close against her chest. Etta sniffled miserably, clinging to her girlfriend like a lifeline.

‘’If Grandma hadn’t called me, I wouldn’t even know,” she whimpered. Her tears soaked Dinah’s shirt, but she couldn’t care less. Her girlfriend needed her comfort, her love, when no one else would give it to her.

‘’I’m so sorry.” Dinah replied, stroking Etta’s hair gently. ‘’Is there any way I can help…?”

‘’Do you understand now, why I didn’t want you to talk to them?” Etta asked instead of replying, her arms going around Dinah’s middle to keep her close. She didn’t want her to leave, when she was feeling so desperate and lonely. Right now, Dinah was the only one she could count on. The only safe place she had against the storm raging inside her head.

‘’They truly hate me, Dinah. They don’t give a shit about me.”

It was better not to try and make her feel better by insisting this couldn’t be true, Dinah realized that by now. It seemed as if Etta was really right, and her family really didn’t care about her. As horrible as it was, it was unfortunately true.

So, instead, Dinah just held Etta and let her cry into her.

\--  
She was warm and flushed, but Jane could feel her trembling on her lap. She could hear the sharp intakes of breath that were probably not only a sign of pleasure, but nerves, too. Not like she could judge Freddie, her own heart was hammering inside her chest like crazy, and every time she glanced at the IVF kit on the bedside table, the matters only got worse.

They weren’t just nervous about whether Freddie would conceive this time: there was also risk at doing this without medical supervision, and though they got plenty of advice from the clinic, there was still a chance something could go wrong.

So much for doing it at a place of comfort.

Freddie even said it out lout, with an anxious little chuckle, her hips grinding down against Jane’s slowly. ‘’Aren’t we supposed to be like…calmer? How is this helping us?”

Jane laughed softly, reaching up to brush Freddie’s hair out of her face. She was so beautiful, cheeks delightfully pink and lips kiss-bitten, even with the glint of nervousness in her big brown eyes.

‘’You’re right, we need to relax. We need to think about good things.”

‘’Stay positive.” Freddie hummed, closing her eyes. She rested her forehead against Jane’s, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly. ‘’This might work. I might get pregnant.”

‘’We might have a baby.” Jane said with a smile, caressing Freddie’s waist with the tips of her fingers. ‘’A beautiful little thing, who will look like a perfect mix of us.”

’I hope they will get your teeth, not mine.” Freddie said nervously. She hated her teeth, and the idea of her future child ending up like her scared her. Jane tutted softly, gently bopping her on the nose.

‘’You are beautiful.” She said, leaning close to kiss Freddie on the lips gently. ‘’Every single part of you.”

Her lips trailed across Freddie’s cheeks, her neck, leaving goosebumps as Freddie sighed in pleasure, tilting her head to the side to give her more access. Jane moved from her neck to her collarbone, nipping at the sensitive skin gently.

‘’If our baby will look like you, they will be the most beautiful little human being on this planet.” Jane whispered against Freddie’s skin. Her tongue sneaked out to flick a nipple, causing Freddie to gasp softly. Jane sucked the sensitive nub into her mouth, smiling when Freddie pushed her chest against her face, needing more.

The praises worked wonders: Freddie soon relaxed, melting into Jane’s embrace, and Jane felt a lot less nervous too. They really needed to focus on the good things, and remain hopeful. 

‘’And if this won’t work, we will try again, and again, and again if you want.” Jane promised. She looked up at Freddie with stars in her eyes. ‘’I love you so much, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. For you, for us.”

‘’I love you, too.” Freddie whispered. She cupped Jane’s cheeks and pressed a kiss against her lips, eyes fluttering close. She licked inside her wife’s mouth, and Jane opened her mouth obediently, letting Freddie explore to her heart’s content.

A finger pressed against her entrance, ever so gently, and Freddie gasped, rolling her hips forward. Jane pushed it in slowly, sliding in easily between Freddie’s smooth inner walls.

Freddie clenched around the digit hungrily, tangling her fingers in Jane’s hair to pull her closer. All her worries soon melted away as Jane gently fingered her, opening and riling her up to make things easier for themselves- after all, dr. Kerry said conception was easier when someone was sexually aroused; of course they were meant to take good advantage of that, if their little rendezvous back at the clinic was cut short.

‘’Whenever you’re ready.” Jane breathed, rubbing Freddie’s thigh soothingly with her free hand. Freddie breathed in through her nose, stilling her hips and trying not to lose her head too much. The pleasure needed to come with some practicality, in this case.

‘’I think I’m ready.” Freddie said. She bit her lip when Jane pulled out, scrambling out from beneath her to get everything ready.

‘’Everything’s gonna be okay.” Jane assured, keeping her back to Freddie on purpose, so she wouldn’t see how she filled the tube with the sperm. It wasn’t a very pleasant part- but some sacrifices needed to be made if they wanted to achieve their dream goal. Freddie was a real hero in Jane’s eyes: she knew how much she hated medical stuff, yet, she was willing to be poked and propped and injected, taking everything to make sure they could start a family together.

When Jane turned around, Freddie was lying on her back, eyes closed. Jane could see some of the nerves seeping back in, by the frown on her face. She placed a gentle hand on Freddie’s thigh, massaging the tense muscle.

‘’Okay, love, I’m holding the syringe now.” Jane announced. Freddie cracked one eye open, biting her lip at the sight of it in Jane’s hand. It didn’t have a needle, but it still looked a bit way too medical for her tastes.

‘’Come here.” Freddie whispered, reaching out of her wife. Jane climbed over her, balancing on one arm to make sure they wouldn’t put pressure on the syringe. She leaned down and kissed Freddie slowly, sweetly, licking along her swollen bottom lip.

‘’Rub your clit a bit.” Jane advised gently, moving to kiss Freddie’s neck. Freddie chuckled softly beneath her.

‘’Is this part of the process, or just for show?”

‘’Maybe both.” Jane grinned. ‘’You have to be aroused, right? And relaxed as well, so…”

‘’Alright, got it.” Freddie laughed, slipping a hand between her legs. She kept her eyes on Jane’s face while she thumbed her clit, teasing it in slow, circular motions. Jane smiled down at her, and Freddie felt warmth tingle inside her chest.

‘’Let’s do it.” Freddie said, determined. Jane kissed her on the forehead gently.

‘’Are you sure you don’t wanna play with yourself some more?”

‘’Jane…”

‘’Alright, alright, I’m done with the teasing. Spread your legs a little.”

Freddie obliged, still focusing on Jane’s face. She felt the movement between her legs, but ignored it- she watched the beautifully concentrated look on Jane’s face, the little furrow between her eyebrows, and her tongue poking out from between her lips.

‘’Okay, so I’m gonna…”

‘’Don’t say it, just do it.” Freddie laughed nervously. Jane nodded, placing the syringe as deep as possible. Freddie closed her eyes, imagining Jane holding their baby to take her mind off the fact that something that didn’t belong there, was inside her.

It was over sooner than she expected: she barely recovered from the fact she was just injected, when Jane was already pressing the diaphragm inside gently. Freddie blinked in surprise, and Jane smiled widely.

‘’Done. Put your feet up.”

‘’That was…easier than I thought.” Freddie admitted, lifting her legs and supporting her heels against the wall. She placed a tender hand over her lower stomach, smiling up at Jane sheepishly.

‘’Do you think it’ll your work?”

Jane kissed her cheek lovingly, carding her fingers through her soft hair. ‘’Let’s hope for the best. How do you feel?”

Freddie hummed. ‘’Honestly, I thought I would feel…something inside me, is that weird?”

‘’Well, I mean this isn’t really our natural habitat, if you know what I mean.” Jane laughed. ‘’But I suppose you can’t really feel it.”

‘’I just hope it’ll work.” Freddie said softly. She didn’t even realize she was caressing her stomach, until she saw Jane staring at her hand with awe. Freddie blushed, pulling her hand back.

‘’Guess I’m a bit impatient.”

‘’It will all turn out well in the end, I’m sure of it.” Jane promised, leaning down to peck her wife on the lips. Right now, the only thing they could do was wait and hope.

\--

The air between them was tense, thick and heavy. The only sound they could hear was the ticking of the clock on the wall, almost deafening in the painfully anxious silence.

Jill didn’t even get a kiss on the cheek- Georgia was clearly very upset after Jill stood her up at the club a few days ago. It made sense, and Jill was quite angry at herself, too. She really believed she was ready, that she could finally make that big step, be out and proud like her girlfriend. But the second she put on her shoes to leave, she froze. She simply couldn’t do it. Fear gripped her and dragged her back before she had a chance to be brave at last. She stayed, and made Georgia rightfully angry.

She knew that Georgia wasn’t mad at her, because she was closeted- everyone experienced that at one point in their lives, so did she. Georgia was upset about the lies, the broken promises and the hiding. She was tired of being told things will get better, and then getting dropped on her face, over and over again. Jill understood that, and she wished she could be brave enough to break out of that box she kept hiding in. She used to think of herself as tough, but she felt such a coward now, every time she looked at Georgia’s disappointed face.

And she was just cutting the proverbial branch beneath herself more and more, because what she was about to tell Georgia, will probably make matters much worse.

She wringed her hands nervously, avoiding Georgia’s piercing eyes. The whole thing was stupid, really- but Jill couldn’t take risks, not until she had a secure place on her team, not until her contract was done. She had to follow what her manager said- she wasn’t big enough to order people around, not yet. She had to build up an image, at least temporarily. 

‘’Look,” she started, swallowing hard, ‘’I don’t like this either. It’s… a really shitty deal, actually, but my manager is worried about me.”

‘’What is he worried about?” Georgia asked. She was closed off, arms and legs crossed, exhausted and stubborn. Jill sighed.

‘’My public image.”

Georgia drew in a sharp breath, and Jill swore internally. This is going to be a real blow for Georgia, and Jill hated herself for doing this to her- but she had no choice.

‘’I’m not sure I like where this is going.” Georgia whispered. Her eyes turned pleading, silently begging for the news not to be true- but they were, unfortunately. 

‘’It’s just until I can stay on the team full-time.” Jill promised, her voice uncharacteristically thin. ‘’Just until my contract is secure. There are… rumors, about me.”

‘’Rumors.”

‘’Yes. That I’m… that I’m gay.”

‘’God, so many female football players…”

‘’Not on my team!” Jill cut her off. ‘’And just because there are a lot of gay players, doesn’t mean everyone is happy to have them on their team. My manager wants to make sure I won’t get into trouble this early on.”

‘’So, what do you have to do? Go on record and say that you are one-hundred percent heterosexual?”

Jill bit her lip. She casted her eyes to the floor, shifting on her feet. It was time to drop the bomb.

‘’There’s this guy,” she started, carefully raising her eyes, ‘’he’s also a football player…”

Georgia shook her head. She was feeling dizzy, her stomach twisted. She couldn’t listen to this, couldn’t take this anymore. This was too much: the straw was snapping the camel’s back at last.

‘’You… please tell me, you’re just joking.” Georgia whispered. Tears sprung into her eyes- tears of frustration, and humiliation. Jill wouldn’t even show with her in public, sweeping her under the rug, and soon she would be holding hands with a dude, kissing him for the public eye. And who knows, maybe Jill will fall for him, while they are pretending to be a couple- and everything will fall apart. Georgia couldn’t handle this, couldn’t watch that happen.

‘’I’m sorry, I swear it won’t take long.” Jill reached for her hands, but Georgia pulled them away, quickly, like she was burned.

‘’Georgia…”

‘’I’ve had enough.” Georgia whispered, tears streaming down her face. Jill’s eyes widened in panic.

‘’What…what do you mean?”

‘’I can’t do this anymore.” Georgia rose to her feet, legs so shaky she nearly tripped. She couldn’t see through the curtain of tears. Her ears were ringing, and her heart was shattering into a million pieces.

Jill reached for her, saying something, begging for her to stay- but Georgia couldn’t hear it. She didn’t even know how her feet managed to carry her to the door.

She didn’t know, how she made it out of the house alive.

\--  
Jenny’s favorite part of the day was when every other guest left the gym; Phoebe was the one who stayed for the longest time, until closing hours. Jenny wasn’t sure if she was that determined, or for another reason- a reason that filled her heart with hope.

She barely knew this woman, and yet she felt like she had known her forever. Phoebe arriving with her shy smile was the best way to start her day, and seeing her leave was the worst to end it. Maybe it was weird, and somewhat creepy to fall for a client- but you could never restrict the heart, and God, she was falling for Phoebe quickly and deeply. She was so kind, so sweet and understanding; humble, but not coy, and she had the cutest laugh in the whole world.

And no matter what her idiot boss, or everyone else said, she was gorgeous exactly the way she was with her striking eyes and rosy cheeks, her soft hair and warm smile. And fuck what beauty standards said, her body was perfect, too. Jenny had been ridiculed so many times for being a personal trainer and body positive; everyone thought these things were mutually exclusive, but not in her book. She helped people achieve what they wanted, but she always made sure to work on their self-confidence, first and foremost, and tried to make them understand their worth, regardless of how they looked. Her motto was that that getting in shape didn’t necessarily mean losing weight.

‘’I’m tired, but not like… bad tired. I don’t know if this makes sense.” Phoebe laughed softly, letting her ponytail loose. Jenny tried not to stare too hard as her soft curls hit her shoulder elegantly.

‘’That’s good. It means your body is getting used to my torture.” Jenny joked. Phoebe rolled her eyes with a fond smile.

‘’It’s not torture. I saw what that Will person did to his client today, that was torture.”

‘’He’s a bit too hard on them, indeed.”

‘’I’m glad you’re not like that.” Phoebe said with a smile. ‘’I don’t think I could handle it.”

Jenny shrugged with a humble smile. She was usually a very talkative person, but whenever it was time for Phoebe to leave, her words never seemed to want to come out. She hated parting ways with her. She was also just a mess around Phoebe every time- the last time she wanted to ask her out on a date, Regina interrupted them, and then Jenny didn’t regain the confidence to try and ask her again.

‘’I still can’t wait to take a shower, though.” Phoebe said, fanning herself with her hands and smiling sheepishly. ‘’I’m disgusting.”

‘’No, you’re not.” Jenny said softly. She swallowed thickly at the soft little chuckle Phoebe gave her. God, she was so adorable- Jenny wanted to raw her. And then cherish and spoil her rotten. And raw her again, in an eternal cycle.

‘’Well, sweat is not exactly attractive.” Phoebe muttered. ‘’I mean it is very sexy on hot, muscular butches or…”

She blushed deeply, casting her eyes to the floor. Damn. She should probably stop talking.

‘’Well, you look good, no matter what.” Jenny said, before her eyes widened in mortification. Phoebe’s jaw dropped, and she blinked at her. This was the second time Jenny commented positively on her appearance. Could it be genuine? Could she really find her pretty?

But how would that be possible? She was fat, and too tall for a girl. How could someone like Jenny think she looked good?

She fiddled with her towel so much due to her nerves, that she ended up dropping it. She bent down to retrieve at the same time Jenny did, their hands brushing as they both reached for the towel.  
When Phoebe turned her head, she was staring into Jenny’s intense blue eyes, sparkling behind her glasses. She was looking at Phoebe like she was something precious, and their faces were so close, their noses nearly brushed.

Phoebe straightened her back slowly, and Jenny followed suit, their eyes still boring into one another’s. If this was a movie with a beautiful protagonist, this would be the scene when she gets kissed by her love interest, Phoebe realized. Except, this was reality, and she wasn’t a pretty Princess…

Every breath was knocked out of her lungs when Jenny surged forward and pressed their lips together, her arms wrapping around Phoebe’s waist to pull her close. Phoebe completely froze, brain short-circuiting as Jenny’s lips explored hers with a soft hum.

When Jenny pulled back, there was a look of worry on her face- it made Phoebe realize she was so shocked she forgot to kiss back, even though kissing Jenny was the thing she wanted the most.  
She grabbed the back of Jenny’s neck and pulled her back, kissing her with fervor. This turned out to be just like a movie, after all-but it was even better, because it was reality.

She gasped softly when Jenny’s hands squeezed her butt, just a fleeting little thing, before she pulled back to stare up at her with dark eyes.

‘’So, wanna hit the showers?” Jenny asked, voice deeper and raspier than usual. Phoebe bit down on her lip not to scream out loud, nodding furiously.

Jenny smirked, gently grabbing her hand and steering her towards the direction of the showers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I can finally see where this is going? :O


	8. Lovely Lies And Ugly Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joan and Petra need to discuss something important; Regina finds herself falling for Crystal against her better judgement; Paula finally starts showing off her true colors when things don't go her way; Freddie and Jane offer comfort to their friends; Brianna confronts Tamara at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: implied/referenced rape/sexual assault, implied/referenced drug use, and emotional abuse!

To Joan, Petra was always breathtakingly beautiful; she was even more so after an orgasm, stretching out on the bed languidly, like a satisfied cat, cheeks flushed pink and eyes glowing from the height of the pleasure, hair fanned out around her head like a dark halo. She reached up for Joan with a pleading little look that was so irresistible, Joan leaned in right away to kiss her. Petra was perfect: gorgeous, funny, adorable, and she was insane in bed- everything a woman needs. They worked so well together- they didn’t only have incredible chemistry when it came to sex, but they were a wonderful match in general, the typical case of opposites attract. Once they fell into bed with one another, the proverbial hatchet got buried six feet under. There were no more fights, no more picking on each other. Their friends picked up on right away, teasing them about a marriage on the way, while they blushed and pretended to be on the joke themselves. They could only imagine how much their friends would freak out, once they found out they were secretly fucking.

Though, Joan was getting a bit tired of the constant sneaking around. She related to Georgia on a cellular level, even if their situations were vastly different. But she was also getting a bit antsy, denying their connection all the time… because they had one, right? It wasn’t just sex? There had to be more. Or, at least, Joan wanted more.

And it was time to spell it out for her paramour, loud and clear- maybe it will cost her Petra’s company, which would definitely be a tragedy, but at least she could finally stop lying to herself, and her friends. She could at least keep her integrity, if nothing else.

She stared down at Petra, taking in her soft features: the deep brown eyes, the gentle arch of her eyebrows, her full lips. She raked her eyes over her face, memorizing every detail in case this was the last time she was allowed to see them from up close. She gave Petra a small, sad smile, causing her to frown softly.

‘’Are you okay?” Petra asked, cradling Joan’s cheek with a delicate hand. Joan leaned into the touch, resting her cheek against Petra’s warm palm.

‘’I love you.” Joan blurted out, before she could stop herself. She has never been too good with words, preferring to silently observe and let her more extroverted friends do the talking- but the more one-on-one time she spent with Petra, the better she got at articulating herself. Even if she just wrecked their friendship and ended their steamy little affair, at least she got this out of it. It was time she finally spoke what was on her mind.

Petra blinked rapidly, unfiltered surprise etched onto her face. She gaped, like a fish out of water, staring up at Joan.

‘’You… you really do?” Petra’s voice was uncharacteristically small, shaky; it caused Joan’s protective instincts to crank into overdrive. She caressed a hand down Petra’s cheek, feeling the warm skin beneath her fingertips.

‘’I do.” She admitted, cheeks flushing bright pink. ‘’I always have. But I pushed those feelings away, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and because I thought a girl like you would never go for someone like me. Because… you could, and did, get everyone you want, why would you waste your time with me? But now… now that we have spent so much time together… I guess I just can’t keep lying to myself anymore. I’m in love with you, and I guess it this is the end of it, then…”

Slender fingers pressed against her lips to shut her up, Joan blinked in surprise, and Petra laughed softly, shaking her head.

‘’Wow. Joan Deacon, did you actually do a whole monologue? I’m pretty sure you have never talked this much your whole life.”

Joan wanted to protest, but Petra cut her off with a shake of her head.

‘’Joan, you’re wrong. Being with you is not a waste of time- even when we were just friends, I enjoyed your company a lot. You’re snarky and adorable and super smart. And you’re hot as hell. You have great arms, and I adore that gap in your teeth.”

Joan blushed and ducked her head. Petra hooked a finger under her chin, making her lift her face again. She smiled at Joan warmly, feeling her heart race. She was too afraid to say these words out loud- she used to think of herself as a heart-on-her-sleeve person, but sometimes, even she could get too scared to be honest. Now, that Joan has opened up, she felt like she could, too.

‘’And I love you too.” She added. Joan’s eyes widened, and Petra bit down on a smile, blushing softly.

‘’You’re not messing with me, right?” Joan asked, voice full of desperate hope. ‘’Because if you are, I swear…”

‘’No.” Petra assured her gently. ‘’This is real. I was just an idiot, who was too scared to admit it.”

‘’Like me.” Joan laughed. She leaned down to kiss Petra on the lips, savoring the sweet taste. She pulled back, grinning. ‘’Does this mean we are dating?”

‘’I think so.” Petra giggled. She played with a lock of Joan’s hair, caressing the softness. ‘’I think I would like that.”

‘’Me too. But what are we going to say to the girls?”

‘’Oh, God.” Petra groaned, which turned into a laugh. ‘’I think we should save that bomb for later. We need to wait for the right moment.”

‘’Yeah.” Joan chuckled. ‘’Everyone has a bit too much on their plates right now. But we will tell them, eventually.”

‘’They would figure it out, anyway.” Petra rolled her eyes. ‘’I think they are already catching on.”

Still, they would definitely flip the fuck out, they were both sure of it. But they will come around hopefully.

Until then, they could indulge in each other a bit- finally as girlfriend and girlfriend.

\--

It was just one date. That is what Regina agreed to. Just a quick coffee, and then they will both go on their merry, separate ways.

Except, it only took five minutes for her to know that she was in deep shit. Very, very deep shit.

Because first of all, Crystal showed up wearing a simple red shirt with jeans, her hair up in a ponytail, and it was still such a beautiful sight that Regina forgot how to breathe for a second. Then Crystal gave her that cheeky, knowing grin, and it was all a lost cause from then on. Regina was never the type that fell for people so quickly- Crystal managed to unlock something hidden inside her, a primal urge that she desperately tried to ignore.

‘’You’re pretty.” Crystal said when she sat, shamelessly raking her eyes over Regina. The blonde spent about five hours figuring out the perfect outfit, before settling on a white dress with blue floral patterns. She was too desperate to make sure she didn’t look too desperate, and ended up driving herself crazy in the process. But Crystal had complimented her, and her eyes were shining appreciatively, and suddenly Regina felt like she was floating.

‘’So are you.” She replied. She tried to keep her eyes off Crystal and on the menu, but it wasn’t an easy task. Crystal just kept grinning, and Regina was torn between wanting to punch her and wanting to kiss her senseless.

‘’What are you having, Princess?”

‘’I almost said a U-Haul Frappuccino, but then I realized we’re not at the Planet.” Regina chuckled. Crystal arched a curious eyebrow.

‘’The Planet? That’s where you and your friends meet up, right? I think you mentioned it before.”

‘’Yes.” Regina grinned. ‘’It’s our usual hangout spot. Perfect place for gossiping.”

‘’Guess it serves you right, if you write for a women’s magazine.”

‘’Oh, absolutely. I draw a lot of inspiration from their stories. But I only use those for articles, if they gave me their explicit permission. I don’t go around making a fortune out of my friends’ lives without consulting them first.”

‘’Tell me about them.” Crystal said. The waiter appeared, and they both quickly ordered a simple espresso. None of them really cared about what they drank. They only focused on each other.

‘’They are a crazy bunch, but I adore them.” Regina said fondly. Crystal watched with a smile as her face lit up upon thinking about her friends. ‘’Freddie is a graphic designer, the artist of the group. She’s super sensitive and caring, but she can be real sassy. We got up to a lot of crazy shenanigans together. She and her wife, Jane, are trying to have a baby. Jane is a vet, and she’s this big lumberjack butch, but she’s a real softie. They make the cutest couple. They have been married for years, and just a few days ago, they inseminated Freddie at home.”

Crystal choked on the biscuit she was munching on. ‘’Uhm, that’s lovely, I think. They sound very committed, for sure.”

‘’They are. Then, there’s Brianna. She teaches Physics, and she’s a bit broody. She has a tendency for that… mostly since she broke up with her girlfriend after that bitch cheated on her.”

‘’I’m sorry about that.”

‘’Brianna can seem a bit uptight, but she’s actually really fun. Except when she’s being an annoying smartypants, that is. Joan is a mechanic, she’s mostly quiet but a real savage. She’s totally crushing on our other friend, Petra, who’s a real party animal and a make-up artist. They are like fire and ice, but you know what? I ship them. Phoebe is a nurse at the children’s hospital, she’s the mum friend. She’s just freaking adorable, and she finally snatched herself a real hottie. I mean, she deserves it, she had handled enough shit from people. Etta and Dinah had been hitting a bit of a rough patch lately, but they are doing better now. Etta is a music teacher, and she has a very rocky relationship with her parents. Dinah is a drama teacher at the same school, she’s really sweet. Georgia is a yoga instructor, and she’s in a bit of a bad place right now. She just broke up with her girlfriend. And then there’s… Paula, I guess. I’m not sure if we can call her my friend. She moved here a little while ago, and she just sort of dropped herself into our group. She’s very invasive and doesn’t seem to genuinely like us, only Freddie. I think she has a crush on her, it’s a bit weird. Anyways, she’s got busted having sex with Addie Lambert, so now she’s breaking off her engagement and being all broody and strangely poetic. She’s apparently writing a book, but wouldn’t tell us what it’s about. I prefer hanging out if she’s not there.”

‘’They all sound really interesting.” Crystal said with a smile. ‘’Did it feel good to open up, Reg?”

Regina blushed softly at the nickname. She shrugged. ‘’I guess so. Why?”

‘’So, it’s not that scary as you initially thought.” Crystal mused. ‘’Maybe you are allowed to do that, you know. Open up, spill your heart out. Not just for your readers, for other people. You have fears and worries, like all of us. You’re afraid of relationships and letting people in, but you can let go of these fears. You’re braver than you think you are.”

Regina blinked and gaped. She was used to psychoanalyzing people, but she never had the tables turned on her like that before. Crystal did that, while not becoming invasive and nosy like Paula; she let Regina talk about what she was clearly interested in, letting her dominate the conversation. And then, she did that monologue, which rang so true, even if it scared Regina a bit. Because Crystal was right: she was putting on a mask constantly, solving the problems of her readers with a cheerful grin while her own life was never really under control. She was updating The Chart like her life depended on it, while being scared of commitment herself. She really needed to let go, and let other people in. Not just in an artificial way, but genuinely. Maybe life would be just a little bit easier.

Crystal was watching her-not judging, not anticipating, just watching patiently. She wasn’t giving Regina ultimatums. She offered her a chance, this date, and completely respected Regina’s autonomy in the case. She didn’t nag or manipulate her: Regina was free to walk away from her, and forget about their conversation altogether.

But Regina found herself not wanting to do any of this. She wanted to be with Crystal, wanted to get to know her more. She wanted to see that smile, as long as she could. She wanted to take Crystal’s advice, and finally be brave.

‘’Tell me something about yourself.” Regina ended up saying. She rested her chin on her laced fingers, peering up at Crystal with interest. ‘’Tell me a crazy story that happened at the fire department. I want to know more.”

‘’Are you truly interested?” Crystal asked. They both know there was a double meaning to that question: Crystal wanted to know if Regina was interested in more. More dates, more Crystal.

Regina took a deep breath, then nodded. Crystal’s smile widened happily.

\--

As it was expected, Kevin didn’t yell. He was utterly disappointed, desperately looking for a reason. He didn’t understand what was going on, why Paula did that to him. He didn’t understand how Paula could get away with pretending for so long.

Paula felt sorry for him, kind of. As stupid and annoying as he was, he wasn’t a bad person, by all means. Paula wasn’t actually, deliberately meant to hurt him. She just forgot about him, altogether, while living her life and figuring herself out. 

She knew it would have been stupid of her to not try and save her ass. The house was on Kevin’s name, and that would mean she would have to move out- that would come at the worst time. If she moved out, she would be away from Freddie. She couldn’t let that happen. She needed Freddie, like fresh air. Not a day passed by without Paula peering over the fence, watching the beautiful woman in the pool, in the garden, on the porch. Painting, sunbathing, talking with one of her friends on the phone. Laughing, gesticulating widely, gasping dramatically when she heard a juicy gossip. Freddie was perfect. She was the goddess that changed Paula’s entire world. She was the main love interest in her book, the seductress that caused Paula to stray away from her path, that enchanted her with her beauty. The main character in Paula’s book would get the girl, and so would Paula. She would save her from Jane’s grips. She was not good for Freddie, she was too rough, too level-headed. Freddie needed a sensitive, artistic soul like Paula. And they would be together- but she would have to remain close to Freddie and the girls, to ensure her win.

She told Kevin she needed experimenting, for the book she was writing. ‘’I’m writing from a lesbian’s point of view, it’s a big challenge. It’s the case of the unreliable narrator. I need this book to break through, and I need enough experience to make it work.” That was the lie she told him. Kevin, believing this or not, let her stay- she only had to move her stuff to the shed, because he didn’t want to be in the same house with her. That was fine; she preferred writing in the shed already, that was where inspiration truly hit her. And she could still see Freddie whenever she pleased.

Things could have gone great from then on- she wasn’t technically together with Kevin anymore, but she wasn’t thrown out either. She still had plenty of comfort- she went to Freddie crying, and she was coddled like a toddler. She played it up a bit, of course, making the girls fuss over her and soothe her wounds. 

But things didn’t go as well as she planned. Because while she got that comfort, it didn’t make Freddie fall for her like she hoped. She was still the same outsider. And Addie, the distraction she needed, tried to slip away.

‘’We… we agreed, nothing serious.” She told Paula, confused when the other girl latched onto her like a leech, calling and texting her day and night to keep her company, pretending to be very upset about her breakup. ‘’I’m not doing commitment, you know that. You knew that when you went out with me, and you told me you will respect my boundaries.”

‘’What boundaries you have?” Paula scoffed. She gave Addie a look full of disdain. How dare she question Paula like that!? She’s supposed to be around, to keep her satisfied until she could get Freddie. 

She wasn’t allowed to step off like this.

‘’You don’t have boundaries. You’re a slut.”

‘’Excuse me?” Addie frowned, hands on her hips. ‘’What the hell is wrong with you?”

‘’You sleep with everyone.” Paula stated, matter of factly. ‘’What else would that make you? I know all about your record. You fuck everything that moves.”

‘’And you wonder why I don’t want anything serious with you.” Addie scoffed. ‘’Or why the people you latched onto, don’t trust you at all. I heard what you said about them behind their backs, do you tell those things to their faces, or only when they don’t do what you demand of them?”

‘’They are going to trust me, just you wait.” Paula hissed. ‘’They are my friends, and they have to love me. And Freddie will love me, too.”

Addie shook her head. She took a step back. So far, Paula was a bit broody, a bit weird. Now, there was an unashamedly crazy look in her eyes, a tiger showing off its stripes. It was becoming clear to her, that while Paula went through a lot, most of her bitterness was just an act to keep people close.

‘’Paula, you can’t just… force people to like you, that’s not how it works…”

‘’Yes, I can!” Paula yelled. She marched over to Addie, pointing a finger at her. ‘’You are not going away. I need you. I went through a lot, and it was your fault!”

‘’What!? Cheating requires more than just one person! You chose to sleep with me, I didn’t make you do it! Trust me, I’m sorry that you had to break off your engagement, and I’m sorry that you needed a long time to come out, but you can’t blame other people for this, just like how you can’t use your own pain as a card to manipulate people!”

‘’Sure I can.” Paula growled. She smirked, causing Addie to swallow heavily. ‘’What if I told someone that you assaulted me? With your record, it won’t be hard to convince people. You just keep forcing yourself onto girls.”

‘’What the fuck… what are you talking about!?”

‘’You broke a lot of girls’ hearts, I’m sure they would happily back me up. And I may have tapes.”

‘’Tapes…?”

‘’I recorded us having sex, actually.” Paula stated calmly. ‘’It was only for my own entertainment, but now that I think about it… if I cut the sound, it can look like you’re forcing yourself onto me.” She smiled sweetly. ‘’I would consider it, you know. Being with me is not such a task, stop pretending it is. Everyone acts like I’m a monster. They call me selfish, and cast me out, because they don’t understand me. This is all I need. A bit of comfort and understanding. And you need to give me that. Just until Freddie is mine.”

‘’You’re a fucking psycho.” Addie said, cheeks pale a sheet. Paula shook her head, reaching up to stroke her hair.

‘’I’m not. You just don’t understand me yet.” She sighed happily. At least she ensured Addie staying. Now she just had to get even closer to the girls, and Freddie, and she would get everything she wanted. Her main character can be happy.

\--

‘’A baby!?” Freddie gasped, staring at Etta with wide eyes. ‘’Isn’t he like…sixty years old?”

‘’Fifty-six.” Etta clarified, clutching her mug of tea. She sighed deeply. ‘’What’s better than finding out your own father would rather have a baby a few years before his retirement, than reconnecting with his daughter?”

‘’I’m sorry.” Jane said softly, placing a comforting hand on her back. ‘’You deserve so much better.”

‘’And, just the fact that he didn’t even care to call me. I had to find out through my Grandma.”

‘’What are you going to do?” Phoebe questioned. She handed Etta a throw pillow to hold close. Etta gave her a grateful smile.

‘’I don’t know. I mean, what am I supposed to do? There’s no point in confronting him now. I don’t even know what my mother thinks of this.”

Dinah wrapped her arms around her, letting Etta rest her head on her shoulder. She was quiet, a silent but comforting presence for her girlfriend.

‘’Sometimes, it’s better to cut out those who don’t treat us right.” Freddie said, taking her seat on Jane’s lap. ‘’Even if you love them. It’s not easy, I know. But it’s probably the best thing to do.”

‘’I guess.” Etta sighed. She gave her friends a smile. ‘’Thanks for hearing us out. We really needed that.”

She glanced at Georgia, who smiled back, albeit a bit sadly. She was not really herself since she split with Jill, understandably.

‘’Etta’s right, this really helped.” Georgia said. She took a sip of her tea, closing her eyes. ‘’Just when we thought things couldn’t get any shittier.”

‘’Jill might come around, you know.” Jane assured her. ‘’Who knows, maybe she will realize how much she needs you. Don’t bury yourself yet.”

‘’I don’t know.” Georgia sighed. ‘’I mean, if she hasn’t come out yet…what would change now? God, I feel so selfish. I mean, it hurts so much, but…”

‘’Look, this had been going on for a long time.” Freddie said. ‘’It’s understandable that you’re getting exhausted. You need compromise in a relationship. I’m not saying she has to wear the bi flag everywhere she goes, but vehemently denying your existence around every single person, even her best friends, should be off the cards soon.”

‘’Maybe we need something stronger than tea.” Etta joked, gently elbowing Georgia and finally making her laugh. Dinah rolled her eyes with a fond smile.

‘’Thank God we took the bus. I’m in.”

‘’That’s the spirit!” Freddie laughed. ‘’You can drink all you want, darlings, but I’d rather not.”

‘’Have you taken a test yet?” Phoebe asked. Freddie shook her head.

‘’I’m taking it tonight. We will see how it goes.”

Jane kissed her on the cheek with a smile. Freddie smiled back, holding onto her hand.

‘’It’s so good to see at least some of us are having fun.” Georgia grinned. ‘’I can’t wait to be an aunt. Cause like, we are all gonna be aunts, right?”

‘’Totally.” Jane promised with a smile. ‘’So, more tea for Freddie, and whiskey for the rest?”

‘’Absolutely.” Etta grinned. ‘’We need to drown our sorrows, and celebrate a potential pregnancy… as well as Phoebe getting laid.”

Phoebe blushed heavily, but she couldn’t help a smile. ‘’I’d drink to that, you’re right.”

‘’Regina already added Jenny’s name to yours on the chart.” Freddie chuckled, rolling her eyes. ‘’I wonder if she would add Crystal’s- and circle it with a heart.”

‘’She’s so in love, she just can’t admit it.” Georgia sighed. ‘’I’m rooting for them. Oh, you know who else I’m rooting for? Petra and Joan. I mean, you guys are totally seeing it, right?”

‘’I think they are sleeping together.” Dinah said with a cheeky smile. ‘’Or even more.”

‘’Stubborn assholes, the lot of them.” Freddie giggled. ‘’They can’t tell if someone adores them!”

Jane hummed. Freddie didn’t notice, either- Paula was getting more and more weird after her breakup, which was fair. But Jane had a feeling she was sort of using her victimized persona to reel Freddie in.

Whatever. They needed to focus on their actual friends right now, as well as hoping for that test to be positive. Until then, hopefully, Paula wouldn’t cross more lines.

\--

In that moment, Brianna pushed away all her fears. She took a deep breath and knocked, biting down on her bottom lip. She could still run away, but she had done that before, for way too long. She needed to face the fears, the ugly truth, so she could finally have some peace of mind.

Seeing Tamara again, twice, proved to be too much to handle. Every single moment was spent with thinking of shared memories, and Brianna hated herself for still loving her, for falling down the rabbithole again. She needed an explanation, a final clarification, so she could move on.

For a while, she thought she may have come to the wrong flat, but then the door opened, revealing Tamara. She wore her comfortable home clothes, looking adorably casual. When she spotted Brianna, her jaw all but dropped.

‘’Brianna,” she croaked, ‘’you… what are you doing here?”

‘’Can I come in?” Brianna asked, steeling herself before she would lose her courage. Tamara nodded lamely, stepping back so Brianna could step inside.

‘’Uhm… do you want anything to drink, or…?”

‘’I’m gonna cut to the chase.” Brianna said, crossing her arms. She stood in the middle of the room, clenching her jaw and pretending to be braver than she actually was. ‘’I need to know.”

‘’What?” Tamara asked, wringing her hands. They had a major height difference, but right now, Tamara seemed even smaller, curling in on herself. Brianna took a deep breath, swallowing thickly.

‘’Why?” She asked, willing her voice not to tremble. ‘’Why did you cheat on me? We were so happy. We loved each other, and it all came out of nowhere. What the hell happened? What did I do wrong? You just… you told me what you did, but never explained. You left me in the cold, and I just… I can’t find the answers. I need them now, so I can finally let you go.”

Her heart pounded inside her chest. She finally said her piece. It took her a whole year, but she did. Now it was up to Tamara to be finally honest.

Tamara’s gaze shifted to the floor. She swallowed audibly. For a long while, she was silent. Then, she spoke, her voice small and thin:

‘’I didn’t want to hurt you,” she whispered. ‘’It should have never happened.”

‘’You’re right about that.” Brianna said coldly. ‘’Who was it? Do I know her?”

Tamara bit down on her lip, hard enough to draw blood. She could lie. She could keep it a secret, like she did back then, refusing to tell what really happened to save Brianna from more heartache. But she was caught so off-guard, as Brianna just barged in here. And they weren’t together anymore. Brianna was clearly suffering, and Tamara wanted it to stop. If the truth would soothe Brianna, she would do this for her.

‘’You remember Tom?” Tamara asked. Her whole body was shaking like a leaf, as memories swirled around in her brain. Brianna nodded curtly. Tom was Tamara’s colleague, and they were close friends.

‘’After my Mum died,” Tamara started, hands growing clammy with nervous sweat, ‘’he invited me over to his place a lot. He knew what it was like, he lost his mother too, so he offered me comfort.”

Brianna remembered that. Tamara hang out with him a lot, and Brianna understood that. Tamara was very close with her Mum, as she raised her alone- they were rather friends than mother and daughter. She clearly needed all the help she could get at that time.

Tamara swallowed again. Her mouth felt suddenly dry as sandpaper.

‘’He… told me, he had something that would help. Because I was feeling so down, it was worse than anything I have ever experienced before.”

It was even worse than Brianna’s usual bouts of depression. Even she couldn’t help her girlfriend back then. It was horrible to watch it helplessly.

‘’He gave me those pills.” Tamara whispered. Brianna’s stomach clenched uncomfortably. Her skin felt cold, like a snake just slid across her body.

‘’What pills?” She dreaded the answer. Tamara blinked rapidly. Tears sprung into her eyes.

‘’They were like… this mood enhancer thingy. I-I don’t know what it was, I just know it was stronger than your medicine, and I… they really helped.”

When she got back from Tom’s, she was always in a much better mood. Brianna thought it was because of his company- she never would have thought he gave her drugs.

‘’I became… I became addicted to them.” Tamara whispered. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, and she took a shaky breath. ‘’After a while, they were the only things that helped me stay sane. I asked Tom for more, but he told me he needed a favor first.”

It felt like someone just stabbed Brianna in the heart. She shook her head. Her skull throbbed, ears filled with static, white noise. She felt bile rise in her throat. She was going to throw up, she was going to die right here.

‘’Tammy…” the old nickname fell off her lips limply. Tamara was openly sobbing now, hands wringed into her hair.

‘’I didn’t want to do it,” she whimpered, ‘’I felt so disgusted, and ashamed… it was easier to lie to you and tell you that I cheated on you, than admitting I’m a junkie… who… who… needed drugs, and so I slept…”

Brianna swept her into her arms, holding her close. She was now sobbing too, tears soaking Tamara’s hair. Her girlfriend got hurt. Her girlfriend got raped, and she didn’t even realize. Her girlfriend was pulled down into a drug-spiral by a handler, and she let it all happen. And when Tamara burst into tears one day, too disgusted by herself, and told Brianna she cheated on her, Brianna just believed it and let her go. She should have known Tamara better, should have known she would never do this to her, that she was forced. She was so angry at herself for not noticing the signs.

‘’I’m clean now,” Tamara whispered, ‘’I’ve been to rehab. I only came out two months ago. I’m so sorry, Brianna, I should have told you, I…”

‘’No, I am sorry.” Brianna said, tightening her arms around her. She came here with the intention to let Tamara go, but she wouldn’t, not anymore. She let Tamara down once: she let her be ostracized by her friends, let her be the villain in the story, when she was just a victim all along. She needed to be treated as such, finally.

So, instead of letting go, Brianna held her tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #freetamarastaffell2021 and #freeaddielambert2021
> 
> This was a pretty heavy chapter, I know- tell me what you thought, regardless!


	9. Leaping Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five months have passed, and it means major changes for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's flash forward time!!! I was really excited about this chapter, I must say. This mostly contains little snapshots of the girls' lives, just like in the very first chapter.

_Five months later_

The sunlight was weak, but it still made Freddie groan as she rolled onto her side. She rubbed at her eyes with a tired yawn, stretching out her sore muscles. The digital clock read 7:30 in the morning- she had to get up at 4, and it took her some time to fall back asleep, which meant she hasn’t got as much amount of sleep as she hoped. But, if she pushed past the discomfort, it was still worth it- it was so, so worth it.

Freddie smiled softly, running her palm across her stomach. In the first four months, it was just barely a bump, something people only noticed if they looked closely enough. When she hit the fifth month mark, the baby went through a sudden growth spurt, which caused her stomach to swell much bigger- it took some time to get used to, since Freddie was always small and delicate and never took well to gaining weight, but she was happy about it, now. It meant her baby was healthy and developing well.

Jane nuzzled into her neck from behind, dropping a kiss onto her shoulder. Her hand slid forward, over her torso to cup Freddie’s stomach. Freddie nearly purred as she settled into her wife’s warmth. 

How could she feel miserable, when she could wake up in the arms of the woman she loved the most in the whole world?

‘’Good morning.” Jane greeted her softly. Freddie could hear the smile in her voice. ‘’Managed to get some sleep at last?”

‘’A little.” Freddie replied. She twisted her arm behind her head to grab onto Jane’s head, pulling her down into a kiss. ‘’The little bastard didn’t like dinner.”

‘’Oh, that’s a shame.” Jane tutted. She gave Freddie’s belly a gentle pat, her face practically shining with happiness. ‘’You need to behave, and let your mother have some peace.” Jane scolded the baby playfully, making Freddie giggle.

She was so happy, it nearly hurt. After so much struggle, she managed to conceive. Freddie still remembered the sheer ecstasy she felt when the test finally vibrated with two lines, when the doctor confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. She remembered the happy tears in Jane’s eyes, how her wife lifted her off the floor and twirled her around, so unabashedly happy. She remembered how the groupchat lit up right away, messages from her friends pouring in, squealing and keysmashes in shared happiness. In the past few months, Freddie had been floating on cloud nine. Sure, she didn’t like throwing up in the middle of the night, or the crazy mood swings, or having to buy a new pair of pants almost every week, but she was ecstatic about finally having a baby. She could also work from her home, so she didn’t have to worry about putting too much responsibility onto Jane.

Not like Jane minded, really. She spoiled Freddie rotten, basically waiting on her knees to fulfill her every wish, be it mozzarella cheese at 2 in the morning, or a foot massage. Jane was just as happy as Freddie, if not happier, proudly telling everyone and their mother that she was going to have a kid, that her beautiful wife pregnant at last. All was good in the world right now, at least for them.

‘’Should I stay home today?” Jane asked. She slipped a hand under Freddie’s camisole, warming the bump with her hand. ‘’If you’re feeling sick, someone should take care of you.”

‘’Darling, I’m just pregnant.” Freddie chuckled softly. ‘’I can take care of myself just fine. And I’m feeling much better now.”

Jane didn’t seem too convinced. She worried about Freddie constantly; they had such a hard time conceiving, and the idea that something bad would happen to Freddie or the baby terrified her. ‘’Okay, but if something’s wrong, you need to call me.”

‘’Will do.” Freddie promised. She laced her fingers with Jane over her belly, smiling up at her wife. ‘’You’re such an adorable mama bear.”

‘’Can you blame me?” Jane grinned. She felt the tiniest flutter beneath her hand, causing her to swoon. ‘’The little girl agrees with me.”

‘’Or maybe she’s just pissed she hasn’t had anything to eat yet.” Freddie teased. Jane laughed softly, brushing her hair out of her face.

‘’Does this mean you’re hungry?”

‘’Well…” Freddie blushed, then shrugged and smiled. ‘’I guess I wouldn’t say no to some scrambled eggs.”

‘’Coming right up.” Jane kissed her on the cheek, before she slid off the bed. She couldn’t resist admiring the sight of her wife on the bed, glowing with happiness and hormones. Freddie was always beautiful, but she was even more so now. Jane used to think people saying that pregnant women were more beautiful was a bit silly- because what changed, really- but now she understood what they meant.

‘’You’re staring.” Freddie stated. There was a light blush on her cheeks, but it wasn’t from embarrassment, rather fondness. She sent Jane a shy smile, and Jane could swear her heart melted right there.

‘’It’s because you look beautiful.” Jane said simply. Freddie chuckled.

‘’Even if I’m taking up the whole bed?”

‘’Just half of it.” Jane teased. She leaned down and pecked Freddie on the lips, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. ‘’Do you want cheese with your eggs?”

‘’Yes, please. Oh, and sausages.”

‘’Anything else?”

‘’Mayonnaise?”

‘’Yikes.” Jane pretended to shiver. ‘’Your mayo fetish is getting out of hand.”

‘’It’s not my fault that this is what our daughter craves!” Freddie laughed, holding her hands up in defence. ‘’You should be happy I’m not eating ice-cream with pickles… yet.”

‘’I’m already terrified.” Jane joked. She kissed the tip of Freddie’s nose lovingly, then she trotted out into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for her wife.

Freddie lay back on the bed with a satisfied smile, closing her eyes in bliss. She could get used to this treatment, that was for sure.

\--

Joan ducked away with a smile, lightly swatting at Petra who just giggled and tried to lean in for another kiss.

‘’I’m trying to drive here!” Joan laughed, rolling her eyes at her overly affectionate girlfriend fondly. Girlfriend. It felt so incredible to say it out loud- her and Petra have been exclusively dating for five months now, and Joan barely dared believing her luck. It was literally a dream come true.

‘’But you’re so hot.” Petra whined, raking her eyes over Joan’s overalls appreciatively. ‘’Are you gonna fix my leaking pipes?”

‘’You’re so gross, I can’t believe I’m in love with you.” Joan teased. When Petra pouted, she kissed her quickly to placate her. ‘’Just kidding.”

‘’I know.” Petra said proudly. She finally stopped distracting Joan from driving, leaning her head on her shoulder instead. ‘’I don’t want to work today. I just wanna cuddle you.”

‘’I’d love that.” Joan admitted softly. She squeezed Petra’s knee lovingly. ‘’But you need to work, if you will be paying half the rent.”

‘’You really want me to move in with you?” Petra’s eyes were shining with hope. They had been talking about this, mostly half-joking- but both of them would have really loved it, actually. After all, they have spent years just dancing around each other- why not leap forward at a quicker pace now? They went from zero to overdrive very fast already, and they both found themselves enjoying the pace their relationships worked with. It would have been very much lovely indeed, to move in together and take their relationship to the next level.

But they still had one more obstacle to move past, before that.

‘’We need to tell the girls before that,” Joan said it out loud, blushing at the idea. There were so many moments when the words danced on the tips of their tongues, but they got cold feet at the very last second. Their friends probably wouldn’t judge them, but they still might be weirded out by the fact that two girls from their group got together. It might set off the whole dynamic, and cause a rift between them. They were also sure they would receive a tremendous amount of teasing.

‘’I mean, it’s really time.” Petra admitted. She shook her head, laughing. ‘’We’re such cowards. This isn’t like an actual coming out.”

‘’Still.” Joan murmured. ‘’I don’t want them to freak out.”

‘’Regina will have a field day with us.” Petra sighed. ‘’She’s the biggest gossip, after all. She would psychoanalyze the fuck out of us.”

‘’Oh, totally. We might be the inspiration for her new article, ‘how my friends finally fucked each other and admitted their feelings after years of awkward sexual tension and mutual pining’. Just imagine it.”

‘’I can see it. Our names would be finally connected on the chart.”

‘’Encircled with red hearts.” Joan added. She grabbed Petra’s hand and lifted it to her lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. She became so sappy since she got together with Petra, but she wasn’t complaining, not anymore. A girl like Petra deserved a romantic heroine.

And as long as they were together, no matter what came their way, they would be fine.

Still, the teasing they would get!

\--

The smell of vegan stir fry filled the air, and Brianna inhaled it deeply with a smile. She was not a bad cook, by all means, but Tamara was always superior. 

Tamara, who was back in her arms, where she belonged, standing in her kitchen wearing Brianna’s shirt that was entirely too big on her small frame and reached her knees, her hair up in a messy bun, still a little sleepy but so excited to cook for her girlfriend. How life was without Tamara, Brianna barely remembered. It was a dull, grey cloud, like floating between sleeping and being awake constantly. Now her eyes were open wide again, and the Sun was finally shining.

She wrapped her arms around Tamara from behind, pressing a kiss onto the nape of her neck, where she knew she was ticklish. Tamara shivered with a little giggle, wriggling away from the funny sensation.

‘’I almost dropped the entire chili into it!” She laughed. She turned the stove to a lower setting, turning around in her girlfriend’s arms. ‘’You could say I spice up your life.”

Brianna rolled her eyes fondly at the terrible joke. She pulled Tamara close to her, resting her chin on the top of her head. She always loved how perfectly Tamara fitted into her arms, snuggling comfortably against her chest.

‘’I’m grabbing coffee with Georgia later, wanna come?” Brianna asked. Tamara smiled softly, hiding her face in her shirt.

‘’I would love that, yes.”

The girls felt so ashamed and guilty after they found out the truth about what really happened. They felt horrible for casting her out, but Tamara didn’t blame them. It hurt, like a punch to the gut, to not only lose her lover but her friends as well, but it made sense, and she didn’t harbor any hatred towards them. Of course they formed a protective bubble around Brianna: they only saw the surface, saw Brianna’s pain, and immediately flocked together to support her. In their eyes, Tamara was the perpetrator and Brianna was the victim. They only did what a good friend would do.

Now, Tamara was back in the group. It was still a bit strange, learning to fit in again after losing out on so many things. She caught up with everything that happened with wide eyes, finding out about babies, break-ups, new romances, hookups and Paula. The latter was a bit of a mystery to Tamara. She learned that the girls had a bit of a hard time trusting her, that she was a writer who was a bit arrogant and couldn’t read social clues, and also lived in the shed of the fiancé she cheated on. She found out that Paula had a thing for Freddie, but Freddie dismissed it good-naturedly. She always saw the best in people- she was the one who fought the hardest against believing Tamara really cheated on Brianna. She was the only one that gave her the benefit of the doubt, somewhat.

Tamara only met her once. She gave Tamara a hateful look right away. Very strange girl, indeed. But at least she was back with her friends, slowly but surely fitting back in. It was all so good again, she barely dared believing it.

She stood on the tips of her toes and kissed Brianna’s chin with a smile. Brianna leaned in to catch her lips, holding her close until Tamara practically melted in her arms.

\--

Paula hasn’t really moved out in the past few months, only to work and run the essential errands. She wasn’t happy, like the rest of the girls, and she hated them for not sharing her pain.

Her life went downhill after her breakup. She was still living in the shed like an animal, while Kevin mostly ignored her- Paula had tried to sleep with him again, so he would let her back in the house, but Kevin wouldn’t fall for her tricks anymore. He also started seeing other girls, while Paula was still stuck pining after Freddie and occasionally fucking Addie when the urge hit her.

People had a field day over her failed engagement. Kevin felt ashamed, and wouldn’t tell what happened exactly- but everyone believed it was Paula’s fault. Kevin’s parents were happy that he wouldn’t marry her, they never liked Paula. Her own parents called her a disappointment, as always.

And she probably was. She didn’t get Freddie, because she was pregnant and glowing, but it wasn’t for Paula, it was for Jane, and Paula fantasized about bashing Jane’s face in with a brick. She hated her for being the object of Freddie’s affections; it should have been her taking care of Freddie. It should be her baby, her family. She deserved Freddie more than Jane did.

That nobody- Tamara- was back in the group, and the girls all flocked around her as if she was more important than Paula, even though the bitch had been absent for a whole year. She wasn’t there for so many big moments, but Paula was. She had more place in that group than Tamara. But to each their own. If they didn’t want to be Paula’s friends, if they didn’t want to understand her, then so be it. They still revealed enough of themselves for Paula to know their biggest secrets. They tried to put their walls up, but Paula saw through the tiny cracks. She slithered into the group just enough to learn as much as she needed for her book.

She had been writing constantly, day and night- she was almost finished, and already contacted a potential publisher who seemed satisfied with her progress so far. Paula changed the names in her book, but the characters were all based on the girls- she just twisted the story here and there, to make sure it would all end up like how it should have.

The main character- Paula,- would get the girl- Freddie, while the villain- Jane,- would get her punishment. And the side characters- the rest of the girls- would celebrate Paula’s success, like how she deserved. She couldn’t wait for them to read her book, and realize the connections, as well as finally coming to an awakening. They would realize how wrong they were all this time, not loving her right. 

They would do, once they read her book. Paula was sure of it.

And Freddie would be hers- beautiful, sweet Freddie. Even pregnancy couldn’t ruin her body. She was still so perfect, her smile bright and her eyes soulful, and every single night Paula dreamt about kissing her. She would propose to Freddie- she was already browsing rings online- and ask her to leave Jane. She would raise her baby, they would be a happy family. Just her and Freddie, and their child. 

No Jane in sight, and the girls as supportive and caring, not just towards Freddie, but her as well.

It would be… it will be a good life. Paula smiled, opening her laptop to write another chapter.

\--

‘’We’re gonna need avocados, garlic, we need milk… is there bread…? Then, there’s tea…”

‘’Should have made a list, you’re right.” Etta chuckled. They overslept, and were in a bit of a hurry, but they had to get some grocery shopping done before work.

Dinah just gave her a knowing smile, browsing the vegetable isle. She was feeling up the avocados to see if they were ripe enough, while Etta stood next to their cart and tried to remember what else their fridge needed. So, milk, and then maybe tomatoes, too…

‘’Etta?”

The blood ran cold in her veins at the voice. This had to be a joke. A cruel, terrible joke. Or maybe the dude had a very similar voice to her father, because surely it wasn’t…

But as she turned around, slowly, carefully, she came face to face with her father in the flesh. Etta’s feet were rooted to the floor, her heart leaping into her throat. So many emotions swirled around in her heart- what was she supposed to feel, when her father, whom she hadn’t seen in years, was finally standing in front of her again, looking at her with an almost bewildered look on his face?

Etta hoped to wake up from this crazy dream- because it couldn’t be real, could it? Her father wouldn’t even recognize her. He would pass her like a stranger, like how he always had, not giving a shit about his own daughter.

But he recognized Etta, and called her name. He was looking straight at her- and was that a smile on his face?

‘’You look good.” Stanley said awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. Dinah noticed something was going on, and she stood by Etta, with a careful look on her face.

‘’Is everything alright…?”

‘’What do you want?” Etta addressed her father. Her voice shook more than she hoped it would-but how else was she supposed to react? She hasn’t seen him in years. She was practically disowned. 

‘’I just wanted to say hello.” Stanley said. He sounded uncharacteristically uncertain. He hasn’t changed much since Etta saw him, he only had a few more grey hairs, and a few more wrinkles around his eyes. ‘’Can’t I say hello to my daughter?”

‘’Can’t… jesus fucking Christ.” Etta whispered. Her hands balled into fists by her side. Dinah immediately noticed her distress, and placed a placating hand on her back. 

How dare he speak like that, after what Etta went through because of him? He didn’t even tell her Etta would be having a sibling soon, for fuck’s sake! He should have said ‘hello’, a long time ago. He should have checked in with his daughter. He…

The worst thing was, that Etta didn’t manage to say any of this out loud. She was paralyzed by a plethora of confusing emotions, unable to speak. Her tongue felt dry and swollen in her mouth.

Stanley’s eyes drifted to Dinah, to the way she had her arm affectionately around Etta- his eyes flashed with an unrecognizable emotion, before he turned back to his daughter, ignoring her girlfriend.

‘’I, uhm. I was going to call you.”

‘’Really?” Etta spat. Her whole body trembled with fury. Stanley nodded, not realizing any of this.

‘’Yeah. Been a while since we talked, huh? Anyways, Carrie is pregnant.”

‘’I know.” Etta grumbled. ‘’Grandma told me. Since you didn’t bother, that is. Does Mum even know?”

‘’She does.” Stanley said. He glanced at his wristwatch, murmuring something under his nose.

‘’I gotta go. We need to talk later.” He nodded at Dinah awkwardly. ‘’Have a nice day.”

With that, he left, leaving an emotional tornado behind. Etta suddenly felt like throwing up. She couldn’t comprehend what happened here, at all. It still felt like a crazy dream.

‘’What the hell was that?” Dinah asked quietly. Etta shook her head, blinking away tears.

‘’Sweetie, I wish I knew.”

\--

It wasn’t only Etta, that ran into a surprise that morning.

Georgia was just on her way to work, deciding to walk, when a car honked at her. She thought it was a catcaller at first, and she already raised her hand to flip them the bird- but immediately dropped it when she realized who it was.

She knocked into a man as she stopped abruptly, causing him to swear. Georgia apologized hastily, flushed from embarrassment. Her cheeks flamed when the car pulled over, the window on the passenger side rolling down.

‘’Hi.” Jill greeted her. Her voice sounded cheerful, but Georgia recognized that look of uncertainty on her face. She tried to hide how nervously she chewed on her lip, but failed at it. ‘’Heading to work?”

‘’Yeah.” Georgia replied, hugging her bag closer for comfort. There was nothing worse than making small talk with an ex- only when you were still in love with that ex. She swallowed heavily. ‘’Uhm, I should probably get going.”

‘’I’ll take you.” Jill offered. She cleared her throat. ‘’Erm, it’s a chilly day today.”

Georgia mulled it over in her head. It was a long walk, and she was cold as hell- and fuck, Jill was so irresistible, her dark eyes staring straight into her soul. She was clearly crazy, but she ended up giving a curt nod.

‘’Okay.”

Jill’s face lit up, and she opened the door for Georgia. Georgia buckled her seatbelt with trembling hands, trying to keep at least some of her composure.

‘’How are you?” Jill asked while she started to drive. Her cheeks were red, but she managed a somewhat confident smile.

‘’Good, I guess.” Georgia replied, fiddling with the straps of her bag. She glanced at Jill.

‘’How are you and your boyfriend?”

Jill shook her head with a sigh. ‘’He’s not my boyfriend. You know he’s not.”

‘’He’s very handsome.”

‘’I don’t have feelings for him.” Jill said. She sounded sincere, but Georgia thought it was better not to get her hopes up. What would she hope for, anyway? Nothing changed with Jill. She was still deeply in the closet, kissing her beard cheerfully. Georgia felt like being stabbed in the gut when she saw the pictures of them together.

‘’Georgia…”

‘’Hm?” 

Jill’s face was somewhat pale. She looked at Georgia, opening her mouth- but she ended up shaking her head. She wanted to say so many things, but she couldn’t make herself say them. She was so scared, and she didn’t want to chase Georgia away. She wanted to savor this small moment, having her close at last. She shouldn’t tell her right now, how much she still loved her- she didn’t want to fight with Georgia, not right now.

‘’Nothing. I just wanted to say, it’s good to see you again.” She ended up saying. Georgia ducked her head, biting her lip. Damn her stupid heart for fluttering.

‘’Yeah.” She whispered, desperately looking out the window to avoid looking at Jill.

\--

Phoebe was sure this was how being in Heaven must have felt like. Her eyes fluttered close in bliss, and she wrapped her legs tighter around Jenny’s waist to pull her closer, letting out a deep moan when the head of the strap-on hit her sweet spot.

‘’Oh, God…”

‘’Yeah.” Jenny laughed breathlessly, burying her face in Phoebe’s neck. She slowed down her thrusts, rolling her hips against Phoebe’s steadily while peppering kisses all over the flushed skin. She was determined to take Phoebe to the edge, and they were getting so close…

Until Phoebe’s phone pinged with a text. Then another. And then a third one, loud and annoying and murdering their libido right away.

‘’Fuck, it’s probably my boss.” Phoebe whined. She was supposed to work the evening shift today, but Dani needed her for some reason, apparently. She shivered when Jenny licked her nipple teasingly.

‘’Tell her you’re getting your brains fucked out, and you’re busy.” Jenny joked. Phoebe shook her head with a groan.

‘’It must be important. I’m just gonna check it, okay? Oh… don’t pull out yet.”

Jenny gave her a wink, and Phoebe blushed as she reached for her phone. She opened Messenger, where Dani was indeed asking for her to come in earlier.

Jenny wasn’t meant to peer into her phone, but she accidentally caught the name in the contacts, and her face went pale.

‘’Uhm… she’s your boss?” She asked, biting her lip. Phoebe gave her a frown, then her look turned worried.

‘’Yeah, Dani. The one that called me fat. I told you.”

‘’You didn’t tell me her family name.” Jenny said quietly. Phoebe gulped. She didn’t like what Jenny was implying here. At all.

‘’You know her?”

‘’Yeah.” Jenny muttered. scratching at the short hairs at the back of her neck awkwardly. ‘’We used to date.”

Phoebe nearly dropped her phone. She hoped Jenny was just playing a prank on her- she liked to clown around. But she seemed dead serious, and very, very embarrassed.

Fuck. Of all the people Jenny could have dated, it had to be Dani, Phoebe’s boss, the one Phoebe used to have a crush on, and ended up being humiliated. The woman who looked like a fucking model with tanned skin, luscious locks of hair and super long legs, a perfect body and a million dollar smile. Jenny dated a woman who looked like that, and now she was with Phoebe… how could she live up to those expectations? How could she compete with someone like Dani? If she looked average at least… but no, she was fucking perfect, a size zero. Phoebe would never look like that.

She suddenly felt nauseous. Jenny always told her she was beautiful, but she must have been lying. No way she would be truly attracted to someone like Phoebe, when she had Dani before.

‘’You okay?” Jenny asked, caressing Phoebe’s cheek. ‘’I dated her way before I met you. She wasn’t even working at that hospital yet. And we were only together for like, a month, maybe. We weren’t a good match.”

‘’Okay.” Phoebe whispered. She wasn’t worried about that, though. She was worried about Jenny only settling for her. She swallowed thickly, closing her eyes. Jenny continued fucking her, but Phoebe suddenly wasn’t feeling so good anymore.

\--

‘’You’re right, this U-Haul Frappuccino is amazing.”

Regina smiled with a shrug. ‘’Told you. It’s the best you can get here.”

Crystal hummed, licking some foam off her lip. She grinned at Regina over the rim of her cup, making the blonde arch an eyebrow in question.

‘’Hm?”

‘’Nothing.” Crystal said. ‘’You’re just adorable.”

‘’I’m not.” Regina protested, though she couldn’t help but swoon a little. Damn Crystal and her sweet talk. She kinda made Regina want to U-Haul in with her…

Which was funny, considering that five months ago, Regina desperately tried to ignore her feelings for her, chasing after casual hookups to avoid the inevitable. But she had fallen for Crystal, plain and simple- it was an elemental force that she couldn’t resist. She was in love with Crystal, and actually, it wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.

Her friends took to Crystal right away. She fitted in the group perfectly: she was funny and snarky, but had her heart at the right place. She was just the perfect fit for Regina- and so, her name was now on The Chart, encircled with a small, red heart.

‘’I just keep thinking,” Regina started softly, ‘’about how much I tried to resist you, but I couldn’t. What’s your secret?”  
Crystal shrugged with a grin. ‘’Guess we just have incredible chemistry, Princess.”

‘’Probably.” Regina laughed. She stirred her own coffee, unable to wipe a silly smile off her lips. ‘’Maybe relationships don’t suck so bad. I used to be so afraid, because I saw my parents practically killing each other every day, and I saw what happened to Brianna and Tamara, I saw Etta and Dinah fighting, Georgia and Jill breaking up, Phoebe constantly getting her heart broken, Petra and Joan pining, 

Freddie and Jane struggling for a baby… and I had my fair share of shit, too. Asshole girlfriends and asshole boyfriends galore.”

‘’But we are not your parents.” Crystal said gently, squeezing Regina’s hand. ‘’And I’m not an asshole, well, I’m trying not to be.” That made Regina laugh. ‘’And look at your friends. Tamara turned out to be innocent all along, and she and Brianna are back together again. Etta and Dinah patched themselves up. Phoebe has Jenny, and they are perfect together. Freddie and Jane are expecting a baby. I don’t know about Petra and Joan…”

‘’I’m pretty sure they’re going to come out to us soon…”

‘’Possible. And well, Georgia and Jill split up, that’s true. But who knows, they might work it out, too. The point is, we are all fixing ourselves, and we are all happy. And in love.”

‘’And in love.” Regina repeated with a smile, that dimmed quickly. ‘’Except for Paula, I guess. She’s like a dark cloud, looming over us. She’s like a bat in her cave, just writing her book and growling at everyone. I wish she would find actual friends instead of latching onto us, you know? I don’t hate her, but she really needs to learn how to not be an energy-vampire. She needs her own people, and we are not those people. Anyways, she’s just getting weirder and weirder every day. Probably has to do with her broken engagement, and then Freddie getting pregnant. I think she’s a bit obsessed with her, but I hope she would hold herself back now.”

‘’Is she still with Addie?”

‘’Sort of? Not sure what they are doing together. Addie isn’t the commitment type. Whatever.”

‘’Well, what matters is that you’re happy… right?” Crystal asked. Regina nodded, leaning over the table to peck her on the lips sweetly.

‘’Very happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I'm not done with drama, obviously.


	10. Leech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paula shows the girls her book, and they are not impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the drama and cranked it into overdrive in this chapter.

Joan and Petra both blushed so hard, it was a wonder their heads didn’t light on fire.

‘’You all knew?” Joan croaked. The girls giggled, all of them absolutely having a field day with the situation. It turned out, no one really had doubt about the so-called secret relationship that went on behind their backs. Sure, Joan and Petra had a guess that their friends somewhat sensed something, but they didn’t realize just how badly transparent they were.

‘’Seriously, ladies.” Etta grinned, her eyes bright from tears of laughter. ‘’You keep eye-fucking each other. And when you are not doing that, you’re just simply all heart-eyes.”

‘’Oh.” Petra breathed softly. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, smiling up at Joan shyly. ‘’I guess we got busted.”

‘’I don’t even know why you kept this a secret.” Brianna chuckled softly. She gave her friends a proud smile. ‘’You two are so adorable.”

‘’We didn’t know how you were going to react.” Joan admitted. She wrapped a tentative arm around Petra, blushing even deeper when all their friends cooed. ‘’We didn’t want to freak you out.”

‘’I mean, it’s a little bit strange, but I totally ship it.” Regina grinned. ‘’I always knew you two were going to fuck one day, and look at you two. Gosh, I can’t wait to put you up on the chart!”

‘’We’re really happy for you.” Georgia cooed. She didn’t seem bitter, despite her own relationship having ended: she was genuinely happy for her friends, who had been pining for each other for years now. It was really time they admitted their feelings for each other.

Petra smiled, giving Joan a small kiss on the cheek. She couldn’t stop grinning. What was the point in hiding, she didn’t even know anymore. Their friends teased them, of course- but they were all very happy for them, and that was what mattered in the end. There was no sign of the group falling apart, like they feared. Everyone agreed that Petra and Joan made a cute couple.

‘’At least we have something to talk about, other than gross pregnancy talk.” Etta narrowed her eyes at Freddie and Jane, who stared back at her with wide eyes.

‘’Gross?” Freddie gasped, laying a protective hand over her stomach. ‘’Excuse my French, but what the fuck.”

‘’Well, she’s kinda right, you know.” Phoebe admitted. ‘’I mean, don’t get me wrong, we are all very happy that you two are expecting a baby, but maybe you could spare us some of the details…”

‘’Like showing us your swollen feet in the middle of the dinner.” Georgia chimed in. ‘’You’re really good at talking everyone out of getting pregnant.”

‘’But that’s natural!” Freddie protested. ‘’You carry more weight around, and your ankles fill with more water.”

‘’How lovely, indeed.” Regina chuckled. ‘’And remember when you were going on about the size of your nipples?”

‘’They are like, absurdly big.” Freddie replied, causing Joan to shake her head vigorously.

‘’Too much information, okay? And no more talks of maternity panties.”

‘’They are kinda comfy, though…”

‘’Oh, and don’t think you’re any better, Jane.” Brianna said, pointing her fork at Jane accusingly. ‘’You keep talking about pregnancy yoga.”

‘’But it’s so fascinating!” Jane huffed. ‘’Freddie is still very bendy!”

‘’Okay, but we surely don’t need the gory details of why you need to use sanitary pads, or your extremely explicit pros and cons of water birth, right?” Etta added with a long-suffering sigh. Freddie and Jane shared a look, then they both laughed softly.

‘’Okay, maybe we went a little overboard.” Jane admitted. She reached over and gently rubbed Freddie’s bump, her eyes shining with stars. ‘’We’re just really happy, you know.”

‘’You deserve it.” Phoebe said with a smile. Freddie grinned and rested her head on Jane’s shoulder. Well, their friends were right. They should have left out some of the details, indeed, and keeping them intimately between themselves. But they were so excited about this baby, and these five months changed nothing: they were just as thrilled as when Freddie found out she was indeed pregnant. They have waited an awful lot for that baby, and they planned on savoring every moment of the pregnancy.

Things were going quite smoothly for their group, Freddie thought. Her and Jane were on cloud nine ever since the first positive test, with no sign of getting off it anytime soon. Joan and Petra finally came out to their friends, and they made an odd, but very lovely couple. Brianna and Tamara caught up on all the lost time, constantly hanging off each other’s arms. Freddie was very happy that Tamara was back, she had to admit that she often missed her. She still felt guilty for not hearing her out properly, and still felt terrible for what happened to her, but it was great to see that she was a full member of the team again, and thriving, too. Regina finally dropped her idiotic casual act, and gave herself over to love. Crystal brought the best out of her; Freddie liked Crystal, and believed her and Regina were simply meant for each other. Phoebe and Jenny were incredibly sweet together- and no matter what Phoebe fretted about not being hot enough for Jenny, Freddie could tell just how head over heels Jenny was for her friend. She was a really nice girl, Phoebe chose absolutely well. It was great to see Etta and Dinah, having moved past the somewhat rocky patch in their relationship: while the family situation was still very much crumbly, Dinah was the rock that Etta could lean on. Georgia clearly still wasn’t over Jill yet, but she at least made an effort to be happy for her friends. Freddie still hoped her and Jill would find their way back to each other.

It was all really good, but then there was Paula. She pretty much isolated herself from the rest of the girls. They ran into her often, considering she worked at The Planet, but they barely talked. Freddie tried initiating conversation, visiting her neighbor and trying to cheer her up, but nothing was working. She still seemed very bummed out after what happened between her and Kevin- and Freddie understood that, breaking off an engagement wasn’t easy even if Paula didn’t have romantic feelings for her fiancé. But to be honest, her moping was a little overblown now. Freddie wondered if there was something else going on. Maybe it had something to do with Addie? Maybe Addie cheated on her, or treated Paula badly? Freddie felt protective over her. She was very similar to her in some aspects, suffering next to men for a long time before finally admitting that she liked girls; she used to be an outsider like Paula was, unsure and scared. Freddie hoped she could be herself again soon.

Paula didn’t have a shift today, so it was quite the surprise when she showed up, hand in hand with a somewhat grey-faced Addie. The girls all exchanged glances. Paula was bitter and quiet in the past few months, barely leaving the shed and rarely smiling, but today, she had a swagger to her steps, and a smug smirk on her face. 

‘’Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Jane asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. ‘’Is Paula actually smiling?”

‘’Maybe she had some good sex. I heard it works wonders.” Crystal joked, winking at Regina. Regina swatted at her, unable to fight off a fond grin.

‘’First of all, I really don’t want to know anything about Paula’s sex life. It kills my own libido.”

‘’It could be about her book.” Phoebe suggested. ‘’Maybe she found a publisher.”

Paula reached their table, chin held high. She still had that smirk on her face- Jane found it a little unsettling if she wanted to be honest.

‘’Hey, girls.” Paula greeted them, in a very uncharacteristic, cheerful manner. After a quick silent communication with their eyes, the girls greeted her back, somewhat uncertainly. Addie remained silent, standing by Paula like an ashen-faced statue.

‘’I have great news.” Paula announced with a grin. Regina scoffed.

‘’Oh, so now you’re actually talking to us?”

‘’Reg.” Freddie tutted at her softly. She sent Paula an encouraging smile. ‘’What is it?”

‘’My book is finished.” Paula replied with a grin. Jenny hummed, whispering something into Phoebe’s ear that made her giggle. Paula sent them a quick look of disgust before she put on her smirk again. 

‘’That is… really great news, right?” Petra tried to sound cheerful. They were all baffled by Paula’s sudden friendliness after months of avoiding them. But well, if she really was that happy…

‘’I talked to a publisher, she really likes it.” Paula continued proudly. ‘’I brought you some copies to skim through. Just a few pages to understand the context.”

‘’Oh, how nice of you!” Freddie smiled. Jane looked skeptical next to her, a protective arm hovering over Freddie, just in case. She didn’t particularly like the way Paula eyed Freddie’s stomach. There was an indescribable emotion in her eyes, but it didn’t seem positive. She was weirdly obsessed with Freddie, and that hasn’t changed since Freddie got pregnant.

‘’Here you go.” Paula said with a grand gesture, handing each the girls a stack of papers.

‘’Printed copies, how old-school.” Joan murmured under her nose, flipping through the pages. Paula ignored the comment, still radiating with pride.

‘’I hope the message will come through.” She said, giving Freddie a pointed look that the other woman didn’t notice. ‘’Obviously, this is just a small part of the book, but the key is right in these few scenes. I think you will all like it.”

She turned to Addie, who immediately flinched. Etta was quick to notice, and she frowned. It was very unlike Addie Lambert, sapphic sex goddess and miss confidence herself, to look so intimidated by anyone.

‘’Addie, you okay?” She asked. Addie seemed confused for a second, glancing from Etta to Paula and back, then she nodded with a smile that looked very forced.

‘’Sure.”

‘’We’re heading out for a walk.” Paula announced, grabbing onto Addie’s hand. There was something in that movement that didn’t fail to catch their attention. It was hard to put a finger on why, exactly, but it sure didn’t seem natural.

‘’I’ll be back to hear about your opinion!” With that, Paula turned around and marched out, Addie following on her trail like a puppy. The girls stared after them, dumbfounded.

‘’Is it just me, or does Addie really look scared?” Dinah questioned. ‘’What was that look on her face?”

‘’Something’s off with this Prenter chick, I’ve been saying that since she first showed up here.” Regina sighed. ‘’I think she’s a bit fucked up in the head.”

‘’Don’t be mean.” Freddie said softly. ‘’Just think about what she went through…”

‘’Yeah, but she had been like this way before she broke up with Kevin.” Brianna reminded her. ‘’I don’t know, she just seems like the type that desperately wants to fit in, but doesn’t really know how. And that’s not a bad thing, but it’s certainly weird how she doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.”

‘’Like her creepy crush on you.” Jane sighed, addressing a surprised-looking Freddie. ‘’Haven’t you seen how she looked at you right now?”

‘’Maybe she just has a pregnancy kink.” Freddie tried, but the joke fell very flat.

‘’She seems obsessed, Freddie. And her relationship with Addie is all kinds of weird, too.”

‘’I say let’s take a look at this excerpt,” Freddie said, pointing at the papers in her hand, ‘’and see what’s it all about. Maybe the answer is right in this book.”

\--

The answer was right in the book.

No one had an ounce of doubt left after skimming through the pages that Paula was indeed out of her mind. Even Freddie, who was the most adamant on giving her the benefit of the doubt, nearly lost it after she reached the bottom of the last page. She was pale as a sheet, and she clutched a hand over her stomach protectively. Jane was worried she would get sick, much like how she was on the verge of throwing up herself. Her fears had proven to be true, all along. Paula was not their friend, she never was. She latched onto them like a leech, and used all of them. She had been playing an intricate game of acting like a victim to pull them in- and when they didn’t give her what she needed, she snapped. Jane believed Paula wasn’t necessarily evil, not when they first met, but even then she didn’t have clean intentions. As time went by, she just got more and more caught up in her head, and her obsession with the perfect little life she dreamt for herself but what didn’t seem to be coming true- this book was the perfect testament of how rotten she became on the inside.

None of them spoke until Paula came back, still wearing that proud smirk. Addie wasn’t with her anymore. She practically flew over to the table, seemingly not noticing the pale faces of her so-called friends.

‘’So?” She asked, hands on her hips. ‘’What do you think?”

It was Petra, who spoke first.

‘’Have you lost your fucking mind?” She growled from between gritted teeth. Paula frowned at her.

‘’What?”

‘’Is this some kind of joke?” Georgia asked pointedly, her lips pressed together in a thin line.

‘’No. What is your problem?” Paula demanded. Petra scoffed, her fingers trembling against the pages.

‘’What’s not!?”

‘’Did you really think we wouldn’t realize that you completely used us as inspiration for your characters?” Brianna hissed. ‘’You only changed the names, but everything else checks out. This is us, all of us! Why didn’t you tell us you were going to write about our lives!?”

‘’It would have ruined all the fun.” Paula said simply. She didn’t understand what the problem was here. She did what a good writer would do, and observed her target in silence. ‘’If I told you I based my characters on you, you would have started acting differently to manipulate my book, and I couldn’t have let that happen. I had to remain true to the story.”

‘’True!?” Regina snapped. Her eyes were practically glowing with anger. The papers scrunched angrily in her hands. ‘’Let’s see, how true this is, okay? First of all, here’s you, the main character, who has done nothing wrong in her life, and is pure, well, that’s not fucking true, is it? The pure, virginal heroine, who got swayed over to the dirty dyke said by her new dirty dyke friends, who basically forced her into coming out of the closet!? That’s not what happened at all!”

‘’You told me I needed to discover myself,” Paula hissed, pointing at them with an accusing finger. ‘’You told me that I needed to experiment, and it cost me everything!”

‘’We encouraged you.” Joan clarified. ‘’We didn’t force you to do anything. You were the one that walked up to us and wedged herself into the group, remember? We didn’t fucking ask you to cheat on your fiancé, or have a full butch makeover!”

‘’I needed to belong. You wanted me to belong!” Paula yelled, causing a few guests to raise their heads and listen in on the juicy conversation.

‘’No, that was all you.” Etta reminded her with a pinched expression. ‘’You can’t fucking blame us for what you did on your own accord!”

‘’And what did you do to us in this book?” Phoebe questioned, her voice full of hurt. ‘’You made us beg for your forgiveness on our knees, as if we were the ones that avoided you for months, and not the other way around!”

‘’You didn’t give me what I needed.” Paula growled, hands balling up into fists by her sides. Her face was red with anger: she looked nothing like herself. ‘’I just needed some fucking friends!”

‘’Yeah, that’s a two-way thing.” Jane replied. She could barely hold herself back from jumping up from the table and strangling Paula. ‘’Maybe if you really wanted us to be your friends, you should have actually engaged in conversation with us, instead of leering at my wife and roll your eyes at the rest of us. You expect me to be your friend, after you literally killed me off in your book and took Freddie like she was a prize!?”

‘’I needed it for artistic reasons…”

‘’Jane is not abusive!” Freddie finally spoke up. Tears welled up in her eyes. She trusted Paula, she believed she could be a good person. She kept defending her, and now she felt so stupid. Here she was, in her full glory, finally being herself- a manipulative, lying person who treated them all like objects, like pawns in her stupid game.

‘’You wrote her as if she kept hurting me, as if she was stupid and rude, and if I was suffering by her side! I love her so much, you have no idea! She loves me, and cherishes me, she would never lay a finger on me! This baby… this baby is ours, and you have no right acting like you are doing me a favor by trying to tear apart my family!”

Paula blinked, taken aback. She clearly didn’t expect Freddie to disagree with her. She always stood up for Paula, not against her. The realization that even Freddie didn’t love her like she expected, broke her heart.

‘’You don’t understand,” Paula whispered, struggling with tears on her own, ‘’you don’t understand how much I need you. How much I love you. We could be so good together, Freddie, just you and me and our baby…”

Jane slammed her fist down on the table, causing everyone to gasp and flinch. She was not a violent person, by all means, but she was so fed up with Paula. She needed to be kept away from Freddie, because this attraction wasn’t normal, by all means. She was threatening them, even if she hasn’t explicitly said it out loud. How was Jane supposed to feel safe, or feel like Freddie and her baby were safe, when Paula lived in the house next to them, feeding off on her unhealthy obsession?

‘’One more word out of your mouth,” Jane threatened, ‘’and I swear to God I’ll throw you out of here.”

‘’I should have known you wouldn’t understand,” Paula muttered, trembling with rage, ‘’you never got me. No one ever does. I deserve more than your subpar intellect. I’m much better than all of you, and you don’t get it, even though I bared my soul to you. I’m an artist. I can do things you could never dream of doing!”

‘’You’re a psycho, that’s what you are.” Etta growled.

Paula chuckled, shaking her head. Her eyes were glassy, as if she wasn’t really in her body anymore.

‘’I’m gifted. I have been observing you, and I was inspired, like all the great artists.” She whispered with a grin, with was a hundred times scarier than when she was shouting. She tapped her index finger against her ear, gasping. ‘’Do you hear that? Oh my god, it’s Monet. Monet has come back from the dead and wants me to give you a message.”

‘’What the fuck…” Jenny murmured, looking at Phoebe helplessly who inched closer to her girlfriend, away from Paula.

‘’Clearly threatening her to be thrown out didn’t work.” Jane murmured, but Paula didn’t hear her. She continued rambling, lips twitching with a smirk.

‘’He says: ‘I’m so sorry for sitting in front of my pond in France and sketching those water lilies, and using the water lilies as actual inspiration.’ Sorry to offend, girls.”

Confused looks and murmurs were passed. The changes in Paula’s behavior were terrifying, and confusing. She went from an oddball to a bitter person with a victim complex, and now she has successfully gone out of her right mind, throwing around random words and threatening the people she called her friends.

Regina shook her head with a sigh, then she tapped her ear exactly like how she saw Paula doing it, ignoring the confused looks of her friends.

‘’Oh, wait,” she gasped, ‘’he’s talking to me, so weird. Huh? What? Okay, I’ll tell her.”

‘’Reg…?” Crystal squeaked, but Regina stared at Paula pointedly, leaning as close to her as possible.

‘’He said,” Regina started, her voice cold as ice, ‘’don’t ever fucking compare yourself to him. You’re psychotic, Paula. You’re not a great artist, you’re just an asshole that used us for her stupid book, without asking for permission first. You need to get the Hell away from us. We don’t want to see you again.”

Paula gaped, staring back and forth between the girls. When she didn’t find any positive reinforcement, she huffed.

‘’You will regret this.” She spat, then she turned around and stormed out of the café, making everyone stare after her.

As soon as she was gone, Freddie broke down in tears. She clamped a hand over her mouth, breathing heavily.

‘’I’m so sorry,” she whimpered brokenly, ‘’for not realizing what a terrible person she was. I cannot believe I trusted her…”

‘’It’s because you have such a good heart.” Jane comforted her. She kissed Freddie’s cheek, wrapping her in her arms. ‘’Don’t blame yourself. No one knew she was going to lose it so much.”

‘’You need to get a restraining order against this bitch,” Etta said, shaking her head. ‘’I wouldn’t put it past her to keep harassing you.”

‘’Unfortunately, until she does something really awful, the police won’t care.” Jane replied sadly. ‘’But trust me, I’m worried, too.”

‘’You can crush at our place for a while.” Phoebe offered kindly. ‘’Just until we figure out what to do.”

‘’I guess I could sleep better.” Freddie sighed, wiping off her tears. ‘’I don’t want her to hurt Jane, or the baby…”

‘’Or you.” Jane reminded her. ‘’I don’t know how far she’s willing to go. I hope she’s just all talk and no action, but it’s better to be safe. We would take the offer, at least for tonight, thanks Pheebs. Maybe she calms down in a few days. But won’t we be bothering?”

‘’No, it’s fine.” Jenny promised. ‘’We want you guys to be safe.”

‘’This bitch completely went off the rails.” Crystal sighed. ‘’Have you seen how she described us?”

‘’Yeah, it’s good to know she thinks I’m the one who chased Jill away, because I dress horribly.” Georgia sighed. ‘’And she describes Jill as straight, instead of bi, which is shitty for so many reasons.”

‘’She thinks I’m the ugliest, which is nice, I guess.” Joan chuckled bitterly. ‘’And that Petra and I would break up in a few weeks because we’re incompatible.”

‘’And why the fuck did she give me and STD!?” Petra huffed. ‘’Nice slut-shaming, I guess.”

‘’Well, she literally killed me and called me an abusive bastard, so…” Jane muttered.

‘’She had Crystal cheat on me to teach me a lesson.” Regina rolled her eyes. ‘’Oh, and apparently, I’m straight too. Seems like she has a problem with bisexuals.”

‘’And pansexuals, too.” Brianna added. ‘’She mused that I was apparently having sex with animals!?”

‘’Except for your heroinist prostitute of a girlfriend.” Tamara sighed. ‘’Bit of an over-exaggeration, maybe.”

‘’Well, I’m supposed to be a pervert for dating Phoebe, because clearly you cannot be attracted to bigger girls without having dark intentions.” Jenny rolled her eyes, while giving Phoebe’s thigh a gentle squeeze. 

‘’Apparently I have no personality.” Dinah shrugged. ‘’And Etta’s bad relationship with her family is her own fault, because she didn’t pretend to be straight hard enough.”

‘’She would get along with my family.” Etta replied, rolling her eyes. Freddie sighed, staring at the table while biting her lip.

‘’The only one she thinks of positively, is me.” She whispered. ‘’But only because she’s obsessed. She’s putting me on a pedestal on the expense of all of you because she thinks she stands a chance. God, this is so disturbing.”

‘’We need to cut her out of our lives, completely.” Jane said. She held Freddie close. ‘’I won’t let anything bad happen to you, to either of us.”

The girls all nodded in agreement. They needed to cut ties with Paula because she was a dangerous poison that would just infect them further. They could only hope she won’t come crawling back once they threw her off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Monet-talk between Paula and Regina is directly taken from The L Word, from a scene between Jenny Schecter and Alice Pieszecki, which was the most epic scene in the whole show so i had to include it.


	11. Light In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phoebe receives an unexpected, but well-deserved apology; Jane takes care of Freddie's needs; Etta has an awkward, but hopeful experience; Georgia does something either stupid or brilliant; Brianna is very proud of her girlfriend, and Paula is alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the drama of the last chapter, I decided to give you something light- this could be considered a filler, but it also paves the way to many more events to come in later chapters!

If there was a sentence that Phoebe didn’t expect to come out of Dani’s mouth, it was ‘’you look great”.

She nearly dropped the bottle of cough syrup as she came to a halt, turning around with wide eyes. Dani gave her an uncharacteristically shy smile, and an almost appreciative once-over, and Phoebe wondered if she ended up in a parallel dimension somehow.

‘’Me?” She asked, uncertain. Her confidence grew a lot in the past few months since she got together with Jenny, as her girlfriend kept praising her constantly- but she still had a hard time believing it when it came from people other than Jenny. And Dani was anything, but the praising kind, especially when it came to Phoebe.

‘’Yes, you.” Dani said, her smile a bit wider. ‘’You look really happy. That looks great on any woman.”

‘’Even on fat ones?” The question slipped out suddenly, and Phoebe blushed in embarrassment. Dani blinked, then swallowed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear awkwardly.

‘’Look, Phoebe,” she started quietly, ‘’I actually wanted to apologize for that one. I haven’t been fair to you. I really shouldn’t have said that… I took my personal frustrations out on you because I have been so desperately single for so long despite everyone telling me I’m a catch, and I was being a bitter douchebag. I was a real asshole to you, and I’m sorry.”

This was the second time in about three minutes that Phoebe seriously started to question the reality she was living in. Dani Solano never apologized to anyone, especially to a simple nurse whom she deemed unattractive, and she definitely didn’t bare her vulnerabilities. Maybe this was a prank, Phoebe thought. Maybe Dani will burst out laughing soon, and tell her to keep her giant butt moving. Instead, Dani seemed genuine, and very embarrassed with herself.

‘’I ran into Jenny Fanelli the other day.” Dani continued. Phoebe tried not to show the prickles of jealousy that started stabbing at her from every angle at that sentence. Great. Jenny met her super sexy, super slim doctor of an ex. What else would she need on this fine Tuesday morning?

‘’She really loves you.” Dani said, her smile fond. ‘’She couldn’t shut up about you. I sort of started to wonder if she had a shrine with your pictures, because she’s sure as hell head over heels for you, Phoebe.”

‘’You think so?” Phoebe muttered shyly. Her cheeks pinkened in delight at the idea that Jenny, her hot, muscular tomboy girlfriend was gushing about her simple self. Dani rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

‘’I know so. She wouldn’t even turn after Gal Gadot if she passed her on the street, because she has only eyes for you.”

‘’That’s… thanks for telling me that.” Phoebe croaked, blinking away sudden tears. She couldn’t wait to run home to Jenny and squeeze her. ‘’I was worried when I found out you were her ex.”

‘’You don’t need to worry.” Dani promised, giving Phoebe’s shoulder a friendly squeeze. ‘’It will be a cold day in Hell before that girl would care about any woman other than you.”

Phoebe couldn’t help but smile at that. Here she was, so worried and over-analyzing everything, when it was so simple: Jenny loved her, and no hot ex-girlfriend would change that. Suddenly she got suspicious, the corners of her lips twitching.

‘’Did she set you up for this apology?”

Dani cleared her throat, ducking her head. ‘’Uhm… maybe she had told me I should check how I speak to people… yeah, okay, she did. But it made me think, and I realized that I really was an asshole. So, I’m actually genuine when I say that you look great, when I say I’m happy for you and your girlfriend, and when I say I’m sorry.”

With a smile, Phoebe nodded, feeling the tension ease off her chest. Maybe she really didn’t have to worry- not about her relationship, at the least. It seems like her and Jenny were really meant to be, after all.

‘’I really appreciate that.” Phoebe said. She was still smiling after she walked away, head held high and with an extra spring to her steps.

\--

Jane let out a squeak as Freddie practically dragged her back to bed, her hands desperately tugging on Jane’s shirt, and her lips attached to her neck.

‘’Baby, I really need to get to work…” Jane tried, but her sentence died on a little moan as Freddie nipped at her neck, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin.

‘’You are allowed to be a little late.” Freddie purred, wrapping her arms around Jane like an octopus, refusing to let go. She pouted up at her wife with huge eyes, and Jane could already feel her composure crumbling.

‘’Please,” Freddie whispered, voice airy and sensual, ‘’I really want you. If you don’t sit on my face right now, I will die.”

‘’That’s a tad dramatic, don’t you think?” Jane chuckled, but her hands already slipped under Freddie’s top on autopilot. It was incredibly hard to resist Freddie- if there was something Jane never excelled at, it was that. And now, Freddie hit the horny stage of her pregnancy, which meant non-stop sex, at all times.

Not like Jane minded, for more than one reason. First, having sex with Freddie was what Jane imagined Heaven must feel like, and second, they weren’t worried about Paula and her antics while they were inside each other. After a few days spent at Phoebe and Jenny’s place, crashing in the guestroom, fate has decided to land them a helping hand- or more like, Kevin did. He decided it was time to move on, and finally told Paula to leave. No one knew where she went- she quit her job at The Planet, and basically disappeared off the face of the Earth. How long would that last, neither of them knew, but at least they could get a moment of peace, and Freddie and Jane could move back to their house.

Jane’s thumb brushed Freddie’s sensitive nipples, and she threw her head back with a whimper, pushing her breasts into Jane’s palms needily. Jane leaned in to kiss over the plump flesh, gently touching her lips to Freddie’s rounded stomach.

Freddie huffed and all but dragged her upwards. ‘’I don’t need you to be all cute now.” Freddie pouted. ‘’Let our daughter be, and take care of her mother instead.”

‘’You are going to be the death of me.” Jane chuckled, shimmying out of her pants. Freddie all but purred when Jane positioned herself over her face, already dripping with need.

Jane tossed her head back with a deep groan when Freddie’s talented tongue flicked upwards, rolling against her wet folds. Finding a comfortable position with Freddie’s ever-growing bump in the way wasn’t easy, but this one quickly became their favorite, because it allowed Freddie to rest while still thoroughly pleasuring Jane. One hand positioned on the wall to keep herself up, Jane reached behind herself to pinch Freddie’s nipple, making her wife let out a muffled moan against her.

Jane hoped their life could return to its normal pace now that Paula was gone- she hoped she would never come back. She wanted to focus on Freddie and their baby, and her friends.

She came almost embarrassingly fast, crying out Freddie’s name as she rocked her hips against her face while Freddie licked her through her orgasm. Jane rolled off to the side, catching her breath.

‘’Fuck, I’m really gonna be late.” She chuckled breathlessly. Freddie just smirked, like a satisfied, cheeky cat.

‘’Can I get my turn when you come back home?” She pleaded, licking her lips with a happy hum, like Jane was the most delicious thing she has ever tasted. Jane nodded and kissed her on the forehead gently.

‘’You can get a double turn.”

‘’Triple?”

‘’That, too.” Jane smiled, kissing her on the lips, long and slow, before they parted. Freddie gave her a brilliant smile.

‘’You know, I feel much better.” She admitted, caressing a hand down the curve of her stomach. ‘’Now that Paula has left. Do you think she will come back?”

‘’I hope not.” Jane admitted. ‘’But if she does, I will make sure she will stay far away from our family.”

‘’Whatever you do, just be careful.” Freddie said softly, stroking Jane’s hair. ‘’I might be pregnant, but I’m still more than happy to cut a bitch if she dares lay a hand on you.”

‘’I don’t doubt that.” Jane smiled, kissing Freddie again.

\--

It was so quiet, you could hear a fly brushing through the air. No one spoke for a few moments, just stared at each other, expecting someone else to do the talking.

Dinah gently squeezed Etta’s hand under the table, who shot her a short, but grateful smile. Without her girlfriend, she wouldn’t make it through this dinner, that was for sure.

Etta still didn’t know what she was doing here. Her life was a bit of a blur since she ran into her father at the supermarket, even more so since Stanley actually contacted her like he promised, and invited her over to dinner.

A dinner with his new wife, five-months pregnant Carrie, Etta’s grandmother and mother, Sheila. Etta had no idea what Sheila was doing here, what she, herself, was doing here. She had no idea why her father invited Dinah. This whole thing was a weird dream.

‘’I made casserole.” Carrie said, being the first one to speak since the awkward greetings. Etta’s hands were growing clammy with nervous sweat. Sheila was staring at her and Dinah, not saying a word. Her father stubbornly kept his gaze at his plate. Her Grandmother and Carrie were the only ones smiling.

‘’What are we doing here?” Etta blurted out, too on edge to keep it inside anymore. She felt like she would burst if she didn’t find out. What were they planning, that they decided to involve Etta, too?

‘’It’s a family dinner.” Stanley stated simply. He wrapped an arm around Carrie, pulling her close. ‘’And we are one.”

Etta gave a bitter chuckle. ‘’Are we? Because as far as I can remember, you practically got rid of me. What changed now? Why do you suddenly want to play house, years after you told me I was a disgrace?”

She swallowed against the angry tears, while Dinah squeezed her hand tighter, trying to calm her down. Everyone shared glances. Then, Etta’s Grandmother spoke:

‘’I think it’s really time we all tried to fix that mess that your parents created.”

Sheila snorted in protest, but Granny shot her down quickly. ‘’Don’t you snort at me. Yes, it was your and Stanley’s fault all along. Etta did nothing wrong. She was just being herself, and you suffocated her. I begged for years to finally own up to the crime you committed against your own daughter.”

Etta was sure her jaw hang open. Dinah blinked quickly. Did they hear this right? Were they actually trying to make it better somehow? Was she going to receive an apology? After so many years of pain and abandonment, was there a bit of light in the dark at last?

Sheila and Stanley exchanged glances, and Etta was surprised to see them look somewhat guilty. Sheila sighed, turning to her daughter.

‘’I think,” she started, quietly, ‘’we have quite a lot to discuss.”

So many emotions swirled inside Etta. A part of her wanted to run away and never turn back, leaving this crazy mess of a family behind at last. Another part of her wanted to stay and hear them out- the poor kid she buried deep inside, the one that desperately needed her family.

Granny smiled at her encouragingly, Dinah held her hand. Maybe she could get through this, Etta thought to herself. Maybe there was a chance to glue the broken pieces together.

‘’Okay.” She ended up saying. ‘’But only if you hear me out, too. If you don’t shoot me down, don’t call me names. If you actually make an effort.”

‘’Fair enough.” Stanley admitted. Etta glanced at Dinah for more support, and her girlfriend happily gave it, smiling at her gently.

Etta took a deep breath, closing her eyes. There were many things to be said, Sheila was right- and Etta finally felt like it was time she said her own piece.

\--

She should have turned away. She shouldn’t have come here. This was stupid, she was so stupid…

But there was no turning back anymore. Her feet carried her this far, and when the door opened, Georgia flung herself inside, nearly tackling Jill off her feet. Her girlfriend let out a surprised squeak, catching her with one hand and trying to shut the door with the other.

‘’What are you doing here?” Jill asked, eyes wide. Georgia shook her head. She prepared a whole monologue, but clearly, she had no braincells left to actually tell Jill everything she felt. What was there to say, other than the key essence of this whirlwind of emotions, the whole reason Georgia was here in the first place?

‘’I still love you.” Georgia blurted out. ‘’I can’t… I can’t live without you. Even if you never come out, I will accept it, because I can’t let you go…”

She didn’t realize she was crying until Jill gently brushed her tears away. Calloused hands cupped her cheeks, holding her together before she fell apart.

Jill didn’t reply, just pressed their lips together in a bruising kiss that knocked the wind out of Georgia. She felt so pathetic, crawling back to Jill when she promised herself she wouldn’t, when she decided to keep her integrity at all. But the truth is, she loved Jill more than anything, and these few months without her felt like torture. God knows what the future would hold, if Jill will ever come out, if Georgia will ever be able to accept hiding in the shadows constantly- what mattered was this moment, right here, right now, Jill kissing her fiercely and backing her against the wall.

‘’Fuck, I missed you.” Jill breathed, tugging on Georgia’s skirt with desperation. Georgia closed her eyes and let out a whimper when Jill’s hand slipped under the garment, inside her panties to find her awaiting wetness.

Jill didn’t hesitate; she immediately slipped two fingers inside, thrusting into Georgia hard and fast. She wanted, needed her so much after she wasn’t allowed to touch her for so long. It felt like sweet relief at last, to be able to fall into each other again.

Georgia wrapped a leg around Jill’s waist, bringing her closer. Her body finally awoke after being asleep for months. Only Jill could do that, only she could make her feel this good, this perfect. And maybe Georgia was truly pathetic for loving this so much, despite knowing things might still never change.

Right now, she decided not to think about the consequences, and pulled Jill into a deep, messy kiss.

\--

‘’Wow,” Brianna breathed, eyes raking over the drawings on the wall. ‘’I thought this place would look different.”

‘’More clinical?” Tamara asked with a small smile, leaning her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder who nodded. ‘’Well, I guess this is part of the recovery. Many people get stressed in clinical environments.”

‘’Hence why Freddie couldn’t conceive at the fertility center, but immediately got knocked up in her own bedroom.” Brianna laughed softly. Whatever worked, she supposed. If Tamara felt better at a place that looked a bit like a kindergarten, then Brianna wouldn’t judge her. 

This was the first time she took Tamara to therapy herself, which her girlfriend still needed after she left rehab. It was sort of like an AA meeting, but for people who have already recovered and were planning to stay on that path. It also helped her heal after the trauma she experienced.

‘’This is really helping you, right?” Brianna asked, holding Tamara’s hand on her lap and running her thumb back and forth over her skin. Tamara nodded, a sly grin dancing on her lips.

‘’It is. And it’s a double dynamite because I already had a therapeutic morning.” Tamara winked, remembering Brianna’s long fingers thrusting in and out of her. Brianna chuckled, swatting at her playfully.

‘’Maybe don’t tell this to the rest of the group, huh?” Brianna grinned. Tamara just shrugged, her grin never fading.

‘’I could suggest them to try lesbianism as part of the recovery. I heard it helps.”

Brianna laughed, shaking her head fondly. She missed Tamara’s sense of humor the most: she was always optimistic, and could crack a joke to ease the tension in the worst scenarios. Even after everything that happened to her, she was still a little ray of cheeky sunshine, and Brianna was eternally grateful she got her back.

Tamara kissed her on the lips, murmuring a ‘’be back soon” as she left for her meeting in the other room. Brianna happily waited for her, browsing the kids’ drawing and other displayed crafts. She was so proud of Tamara for never falling down that rabbithole again. Her girlfriend was so strong, Brianna absolutely admired her. She wouldn’t survive half the things Tamara went through, let alone be able to take control over her life again.

In just a few days, things were somewhat back on track again. After the shock and outrage that Paula caused by showing off her manic side, their lives calmed down a bit. Freddie and Jane moved back to their place, not having to be afraid of their crazy neighbor anymore. Etta was meeting her family after years, and took Dinah with her- Brianna hoped they might be able to fix their relationship, at last. Georgia seemed to be doing better after the breakup, and hopefully she wasn’t just pretending. Phoebe and Jenny, and Regina and Crystal were thriving. Petra just moved in with Joan, and her and Tamara were better than ever. It was crazy what a difference a few days could make: clearly they weren’t over the betrayal Paula committed against them, and Brianna still had stomach cramps just thinking about the vile words and plotlines Paula spewed into her book, but at least she seemed to be out of their lives, hopefully for good. She wasn’t even working at The Planet anymore, and Brianna really rooted for the slim chance that she even skipped town. She wouldn’t really be missed by anyone, and that was all her fault.

The only one that was still in dire need of help, was Addie. They all agreed they had to do something about her because she was clearly suffering. Neither of them knew how she was under Paula’s spell so much, but knowing her, it had to be because of Paula’s malice. She didn’t seem to do things than wouldn’t benefit her somehow. They needed to break her out, and they needed to move on with their lives, without the poison that was Paula Prenter.

\--

She was like a caged animal, pacing up and down in her small room. Her skin itched, and her ears were ringing. She was trapped, and it was all their fault. They banished her like a criminal, as if she hadn’t been only helping them all along.

Paula hated motels. They were always dirty and smelled horribly of body odor and failure- which they all clearly thought she was. Kevin threw her out, like a piece of rubbish and replaced her with some empty-headed, giggling chick. Her friends all turned against her. Even Freddie didn’t trust her anymore- it was probably the pregnancy hormones messing with her pretty little head, causing her to go crazy. As for the others, they had no excuse. They read Paula’s masterpiece of a book, and had the audacity to basically call it trash. They thought they had the right to be mad at Paula, when she was the victim all along, pulled around on strings and forced out of the closet, forced to live a life that she may have never wanted- and what did she get in return? Nothing. Fake friends that casted her out, a beautiful girl that didn’t love her back. Even Addie only stayed because Paula threatened her. No one cared for her genuinely. They were all so happy, laughing at her pain, and Paula hated them for it. She got nothing, while they got everything they wanted. Even the ugliest, fattest, most ridiculous members of that group were a thousand times happier and more in love than she could ever be. She was all alone.

They didn’t deserve her, anyway. Her book would soon hit the shelves, and everyone will see what a misunderstood artist she had been all along. People would finally feel sorry for her, they will understand her pain and give her the comfort she needed. Maybe if she got famous, the girls would realize their mistake, and come crawling to her, begging for her forgiveness like in her book. They casted that Tamara Staffell out before, but then they realized their mistake and took her back in. The same could happen to Paula, too. Maybe Freddie would dump her dumb brick of a wife and give herself to Paula. Yes, Paula was sure of it. They would finally see the light.

Until then, who was to say she couldn’t give the girls a taste of their own medicine? They should realize how badly they treated her. They needed to see what she was capable of: they needed to see no one was allowed to mess with Paula Prenter.


	12. Losing It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addie finally flies free, and Paula starts her cycle of revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty heavy chapter, especially towards the end, so please, read with caution! Warnings for minor violence in this one.

The mighty have definitely fallen, but it wasn’t a satisfying sight, at all. In fact, it was terrible to see Addie Lambert, the confident and smooth sapphic charmer of the area look so uncertain, broken down. Addie was the perfect proof of what Paula was capable of: she dimmed her light completely in just a few months, trashing her self-esteem and sucking all the energy out of her.

It had to stop. The girls were never particularly close with Addie; they only knew her in passing, and mostly just knew about the legends circling around her (or, in Petra’s case, have experienced those legendary skills themselves at one point), but they were certain that Addie didn’t deserve to be treated like that. She may have broken a few hearts on her way, but she wasn’t a bad person, by all means. She needed to be rescued from Paula’s clutches.

‘’Addie, what you’re going through right now, is an abusive, shitty relationship.” Etta told her, carefully approaching the subject. ‘’You need to get out. And we want to help you get out.”

‘’How?” Addie scoffed. She picked at her black nail polish, eyes cast downward. She wasn’t wearing make-up or flashy clothes this time; she was barely recognizable in such a vulnerable state. ‘’She told me that she’s gonna file for harassment if I leave her.”

‘’She doesn’t have any proof, dear.” Freddie said softly, reaching for her hand to give it an encouraging squeeze. ‘’That video you mentioned is not enough proof. Everyone can tell what’s going on there is perfectly consensual.”

‘’I don’t think Paula has any idea about how the law works, to be honest.” Regina added, rolling her eyes. ‘’This very might be just an empty threat she’s winging around, just to make sure you stay.”

Addie hummed, continuing to inspect her nails. The girls probably had a point- it wasn’t that easy to prove sexual harassment, especially between people of the same sex. The police tended to brush that aside, refusing to admit anyone could be assaulted. It was probably true, that Paula wouldn’t even actually turn that threat into reality- but Addie wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Being with Paula made her unsure of herself: she was cut away from her friends, her family, only there for Paula to cater to her needs, all the while knowing she was just another pawn in her absurd game to get Freddie all to herself. She was manipulated, to the point nothing made sense for her anymore, where she felt like everything was her fault.

‘’She’s just using you.” Brianna added calmly, gently. ‘’And whatever happens, we’ll be here for you. We will protect you.”

‘’Why do you care what happens to me?” Addie sighed, shaking her head. ‘’We are not even friends. I probably broke all of your hearts one time and I don’t even remember. And if it wasn’t yours, I have probably accidentally fucked your girlfriend or something. Paula is right, I’m a slut. I sleep with everyone and act like I’m such a big shot. I hurt people. I deserve what’s happening to me.”

‘’First of all,” Georgia started with a gentle, placating smile, ‘’we might not be super close, but we have seen what Paula is like, and we know she’s treating you horribly. Of course we want to help. And who cares about the past? What matters is that you are suffering right now. You’re not a slut. Yes, you’re promiscuous, and yes, maybe you can be quite infuriating with your track record, and you have probable made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you deserve suffering. Everyone deserves a second chance, and we want you to try and take it.”

Addie was silent for a while, as she contemplated everything that was said. The fact that these group, who barely knew her, immediately flocked together to help her out, warmed her heart. Maybe they were right, and she really did deserve another chance.

‘’I really want to leave her,” she ended up saying, ‘’I don’t want to keep doing this.”

‘’We will be right with you.” Phoebe promised. Addie suddenly felt grateful tears prickle her eyes- but before she could start crying, she was swiped up into the biggest group hug of her life, squeezed from every side.

‘’Oh, wow.” She chuckled. ‘’So many pretty ladies holding me. This is paradise.”

‘’Shut up, you.” Joan chuckled, gently poking her in the side. ‘’Don’t ruin the moment.”

‘’Maybe it would be nice to have an actual girlfriend, you know,” Addie said after they pulled apart, finally able to breathe again. ‘’I think I got a little tired of all the sleeping around. Trust me, I enjoyed it and all that, but maybe something more would be nice now.”

She looked up to see an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous woman walking inside The Planet. Addie’s lips curled into a little smirk. The girls followed her eyes, and they all let out a squeak. Phoebe and Jenny especially looked cartoonish.

‘’Seriously?” Jenny chuckled, causing Addie to stare at her, confused. 

‘’Why, who is that?”

‘’My ex. And Phoebe’s boss. The woman she also had a crush on.”

‘’You know what, go for her.” Phoebe laughed. ‘’That would make an interesting picture on the chart.” Regina playfully saluted her at that.

‘’Who knows, I might just.” Addie shrugged. Dani caught her eyes and gave her a smile, causing Addie to grin wider. She turned back to the girls, eyes softening. ‘’Thanks so much for the pep talk. I think it’s really time for me to move on.”

With that, she stood and sauntered over to Dani, who blushed immediately upon approached. The girls all chuckled, shaking their heads fondly.

‘’A very unlikely love story, that one would be.” Jane chuckled. ‘’But as long as she’s not with Paula…”

‘’She deserves so much better than that psycho.” Petra said, rolling her eyes. ‘’Has anyone heard from her lately? She seemed to have dropped off the face of the Earth.”

‘’I don’t mind.” Freddie replied, hands laced together over the swell of her stomach leisurely. ‘’I definitely sleep better since she moved out…”

She didn’t even get to finish her sentence, when the door opened, and in walked Paula with a smug grin. Freddie suddenly felt like throwing up, and somehow she was certain it wasn’t because of her pregnancy.

‘’What the fuck is she doing here again?” Crystal hissed. ‘’We made it perfectly clear we don’t want to see her again.”

Paula caught sight of Addie, and her smirk disappeared to be replaced by fury. She marched over to her and grabbed her arm, causing the other girl to flinch.

‘’What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Paula growled. Dani blinked at them in confusion, startled by the scene before her. ‘’You’re out here, picking up chicks when you’re dating me!?”

‘’I’m not dating you, not anymore.” Addie replied, gathering all her courage and yanking her arm back. ‘’I’m done with you, Paula. I’m done with being a part of your stupid games.”

‘’What the hell are you babbling about?” Paula scoffed. ‘’You are mine. Stop talking to this bitch, and come back to where you belong.”

‘’Oh, excuse me!” Dani gasped. ‘’How dare you talk to me like that?”

Paula sent her a look full of disgust. ‘’Who asked you? Stay out of it.”

The girls all stood from their table to approach them. They needed to intervene, in case things got violent- and by the look of Paula, it was entirely possible.

‘’Well, this concerns me too, considering…”

‘’Shut up!” Paula screamed at her, causing a few guests to snap their heads up. The employees looked at each other for help- there was a chance they needed to call the cops, if things escalated here.

‘’Addie is mine, and she’s coming home with me!”

‘’No, I’m not!” Addie shook her head, taking a step back from her, towards her friends. Paula finally acknowledged them, and her eyes glowed with anger.

‘’You stuffed her head full with your bullshit, didn’t you?” Paula hissed at them. ‘’You fucking traitors. Is there anything else you want to take from me?”

‘’What exactly did we take from you?” Jane growled at her. ‘’As far as I’m concerned, you’re the one who enjoys taking things away.”

‘’You have Freddie,” Paula spat, glaring at Jane angrily. When her eyes landed on Freddie, they softened. ‘’You still haven’t changed your mind? Sweetheart…”

‘’Don’t call me sweetheart!” Freddie snapped. ‘’I’m not your sweetheart!”

‘’You could be.” Paula muttered, frustrated. ‘’You could be mine, and Addie could be mine, and we could all be friends…”

‘’You need to get out of here.” Jenny told her, standing in front of her with her arms crossed. She was short but very strong- she could easily take on Paula. ‘’I’m not telling you again.”

‘’What do you have so much attitude for?” Paula chuckled, near hysterical. ‘’I would be more ashamed of myself with a girlfriend that looks like a whale! Are you so proud of being crushed every day, you midget?”

Phoebe bit her lip and casted her eyes to the floor. Jenny growled, getting up in Paula’s face with a finger jabbed into her chest. ‘’Don’t you dare talk about my girlfriend like that again!”

Paula laughed, slapping Jenny’s wrist away. She looked over the group, shaking her head with disdain in her eyes.

‘’You’re so proud of yourself, as if you’re better than me. What do we have here, exactly? A dumb paki that doesn’t understand she could have better than her lumberjack man of a wife. Is she even a woman? I wouldn’t be surprised if that kid was actually hers.”

‘’Paula, you need to go away before I punch you!” Jenny threatened her again, but Paula just continued, unfazed.

‘’We have a slut that somehow ended up with the ugly duckling of the group, well congratulations,” she said, nodding at Petra and Joan mockingly, ‘’enjoy it while it lasts, plumber. No way that chick is going to stay with you.”

Without giving the girls a chance to talk, she moved on to insult the rest of them.

‘’We have an aggressive idiot that’s exactly like her parents,” she hissed at Regina, ‘’wonder if you’re gonna punch your similarly crude cavewoman of a girlfriend.”

Crystal swore something at her, but Paula ignored her.

‘’We have a junkie that slithered her way into the group, and took my place,” she spat at Tamar, hate radiating off her. ‘’I bet my entire life you will be snorting again soon, I certainly would in your place if I was dating a scarecrow. I would have cheated on her, too, not gonna lie.” Her eyes drifted to Etta and Dinah, snickering. ‘’And we have a clown that even her own family hates, for good reason, probably, with her lifeless, dull sack of salt for a girlfriend. And we have another one that dresses like an idiot, with a straight girlfriend who left her sorry ass, well, good for her. Have fun with your failing relationships and friendships, for all I care. You’re not better than me.”

She shoved Addie for good measure before she marched out of the café, slamming the door shut behind her. The girls stared after her, the silence heavy and thick over them. The worst part of Paula’s rant was that they couldn’t even defend themselves, so stunned by all the hatred that came out of her mouth. She listed their worst fears, and the things they were most insecure about- and for a second, they all believed her. They believed they were exactly like that, ugly, mean, stupid, doomed to fail at life.

Addie saw the pain in their eyes. They have stood up for her, and it was time for her to pay them back.

‘’You know that it’s not true,” she said, looking over them meaningfully. ‘’Nothing she said here is true. She’s just trying to one-up you, to make you feel guilty and worse about yourselves.”

‘’Damn, she really is good at manipulating,” Regina sighed, a little shakily. ‘’I’m so scared of being like my parents, and hearing her say that…”

‘’But Addie is right, it’s just a lie.” Crystal said, wrapping her arms around Regina to pull her into a hug. ‘’What a monster.”

‘’She’s jealous, and trying to tear us apart,” Tamara noted, molding herself against Brianna’s side for comfort for the both of them. ‘’She wants us to feel just as miserable as she is. She wants to see us falling to pieces.”

‘’I have a feeling this wasn’t her last attempt at trying to mess with us,” Jane sighed. She kissed Freddie’s pale cheek. Her wife seemed just as disturbed as she was. ‘’I think she’s trying to take revenge.”

‘’Are we sure we shouldn’t call the cops?” Freddie asked, swallowing heavily. So far, Paula was all talk and no action- but she was losing it, at a very fast pace, and God knew what was going to happen.

‘’We could give it a try. The worst thing that happens, is that they won’t do anything.” Dinah said with a sigh. ‘’Why is it so damn hard to get a restraining order…”

‘’Uhm, sorry to interrupt,” Dani, who was still standing there, confused, spoke, ‘’but who the hell is this lunatic?”

The girls all sighed. It was a long story, clearly, and who knew what else Paula was planning. They could only hope it wouldn’t get worse than that.

\--

They couldn’t get a restraining order.

The police and the judge basically laughed at them. They pretty much treated them like a bunch of hysterics, absolutely not taking the situation seriously. ‘’Blood hasn’t been spilled yet” was their excuse as to why they weren’t doing anything- and probably also the fact that they had a field day laughing at the ‘’lesbian drama”. Regina got so angry, she was barely held back from punching an officer.

Clearly, this wasn’t going anywhere- now, only hope remained that Paula will remain talk and no action…

\--

The first action came when she approached Tamara, out of nowhere.

She was heading home from work, walking to get some fresh air, when suddenly, Paula grabbed her arm and all but dragged her into an alleyway.

Panic settled into Tamara right away, and she started trashing around. Being yanked and held down reminded her too much of what happened to her, and she felt cold sweat pouring down her back when Paula covered her mouth to prevent her from screaming. She was scared for her life: Paula completely lost it, and Tamara was definitely one of the biggest targets on her blacklist, because Paula felt like she took her place.

To her surprise, she wasn’t stabbed, but instead, Paula pulled something out of her pocket, hiding it in the palm of her hand.

‘’I’m not going to hurt you,” she said, her smile almost warm, ‘’I’m going to make you feel better.”

‘’Let me go!” Tamara hissed. Paula was surprisingly strong, pinning her against the wall with one arm. She shook her head, cooing.

‘’Tamara, I know I have been cruel to you,” she said with a sigh, ‘’and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it. Please, accept a little consolation prize.”

Tamara blinked. Was it really possible, that Paula apologized to her? Why was she suddenly going around making amends, when just a few days prior she trashed all of them and threw threats around?

Tamara immediately understood when Paula opened her fist, revealing three, pink little pills on her palm. Tamara recognized them as mood-enhancers, the exact things that got her addicted- the things that ruined her life and cost her Brianna and her friends, as well as her sanity. Just tiny little shapes, that could wreck someone’s entire life.

‘’I bet you miss the feeling sometimes,” Paula purred, holding them up to her lips, ‘’I bet you sometimes crave the rush. Life can be so cruel sometimes, huh? Full of pain and boredom… but if you take these, it will be all better again. You can feel happy again.”

Tamara would have lied if she said that sometimes she didn’t think about the pills, especially when she was feeling down. But whenever that happened, she quickly found something to occupy her mind with- she held onto Brianna’s hand, watched a movie or listened to some music, or if those didn’t help, she called her therapist. Recovery wasn’t a linear path, and sometimes she had days when she was feeling terrible- but she remained strong and didn’t relapse. But now… Paula was holding those pills, and they were so tempting… she could just put them away, so when next time she feels bad…

No. No, she wouldn’t do that, not anymore. She was stronger than that. She went to rehab, she was sober, she found her way back to Brianna and her friends, back to her old life. She gathered the courage to report Tom for sexual assault, and so far, it seemed to be going successfully. She was clean, she was happy, she was in love. She wasn’t a helpless junkie that would relapse as soon as someone offered her the pills again. She was stronger than what Paula thought: she wouldn’t let her sway her, wouldn’t let her ruin her life and kick her out of the group again. 

Tamara reached for Paula’s hand, causing her to grin in triumph- only for that smile to dim when instead of taking the pills, Tamara slapped her hand away, causing the pills to fall to the ground and into the sewer beneath them.

‘’I know what you were trying to do,” Tamara hissed, tearing herself out of Paula’s grip with renewed strength, ‘’and I’m not falling for it. I’m not going to relapse, just so you can get me kicked out of my group again. I’m staying exactly where I am. You can’t tear our friendship apart.”

She left the gaping Paula behind, running as fast as she could. She ran straight home, into Brianna’s arms, shaking.

\--

The next action came when Kevin and his new girlfriend got into a car accident.

They couldn’t be sure that it was Paula’s doing, they didn’t have proof- but they all had a hunch that Kevin’s car had been messed with. It happened all of a sudden, and the reports said many of the motor’s injuries didn’t happen during the accident, but beforehand.

Luckily, both Kevin and his girlfriend got away with a few bruises and minor breaks, but it was still a terrifying thought that Paula was capable of doing something like this- it was clearly an act of revenge for Kevin finally standing up to her, and throwing her out of the house.

The worst part was that they couldn’t be entirely sure that it was really Paula, who caused the accident- for all they knew, it could have been just bad luck, or something else entirely. But the looming suspicion was right there, the constant worry that Paula was going through her victims, one by one. After what happened with Tamara, they had no doubt Paula played even dirtier than they believed. She disappeared again after she tried to give the pills to Tamara, probably to spend more time with her publisher. The sudden radio silence, then her appearing again to try and drive a wedge between the girl’s friendship, and wreaking general havoc was alarming.

\--

Freddie was tired of not feeling safe. She was six month pregnant, and she only needed peace- she wanted to focus on decorating the nursery and buying the billionth little onesie for her daughter. She wanted to spend her days cuddling with her wife, and not having to worry about a psychopath who was obsessed with her, and who was running around trying to ruin their lives.

She wished the authorities would finally do something about it, or, even better, Paula would finally give up. Why couldn’t she just understand, that she was the one who betrayed their trust with their book, that she was the one that needed to atone, not them? Why couldn’t she accept that Freddie loved Jane, and they were going to have a family, and Paula just didn’t fit into this picture? Why couldn’t she let go of Addie, whom she didn’t even love in the first place?

It was all a terrible mess, and Freddie wished it would end soon.

She was brushing Miko’s fur when the doorbell rang. Freddie frowned a bit. All of her friends texted her before they came over, and Jane would have called her if she forgot her keys- besides, her shift barely started. There would be no sense for her to be home already. It was probably just the mailman, but Freddie had an uncomfortable feeling about this.

She heaved herself off the couch with some difficulty, one hand on her stomach and the other on her lower back for balance. She made her way over to the door, carefully, opening it just a crack. The blood froze in her veins when she stared into Paula’s grinning face.

‘’Hello, Freddie.” She greeted her almost cheerfully. Freddie shook her head, her cheeks going pale.

‘’I don’t want to see you, Paula. Go away.”

‘’Don’t be rude.” Paula huffed. When Freddie made a move to close the door in her face, Paula shouldered it out of the way and squeezed herself inside. Panic rose inside Freddie, and she quickly looked around for the nearest object that she could use as a weapon.

Paula raked her eyes over Freddie, sighing dreamily. She was so beautiful in her loose floral shirt, absolutely perfect despite her large bump. But that was no surprise- Freddie was always the most gorgeous thing.

‘’You look lovely,” Paula praised her. Freddie took a few steps back. ‘’Even pregnancy looks amazing on you.”

‘’Wow, thank you.” Freddie huffed. ‘’Now, can you please leave? I have a lot of things to do.”

‘’Jane lets you work in this state?” Paula snickered, genuine anger radiating from her eyes. ‘’That is so awful of her. If I were your wife, I wouldn’t let you lift a finger. You would be reclining on the bed all day, and served by me. You would be spoiled.”

‘’You’re not my wife,” Freddie reminded her, frowning, ‘’and Jane takes perfect care of me. She also understands that I’m not some helpless clump because I’m pregnant. She actually respects me and my authority.”

‘’Does she?” Paula hissed, moving closer to Freddie. She soon had her backed against the wall, causing the smaller woman to gasp in fear. ‘’Because that’s not what it feels like to me. She doesn’t care about you as much as I do, Freddie. None of your friends do. If you picked me, you would be happy.”

‘’I’m happy!” Freddie protested, placing one protective hand on her stomach. The cats yowled and hissed in distress from the bedroom. ‘’I was happy with Jane, and with my friends, much happier before you showed up, actually!”

Paula growled and slapped the wall next to Freddie’s head, causing her to yelp and flinch. She leaned close to her, glaring at her angrily.

‘’You don’t know what’s good for you,” she hissed, ‘’you’re confused. But I can make you understand, I can make you see… you and I, we are so similar. We are both artists, and we are both misunderstood. We are perfect together.”

‘’I am nothing like you!”

‘’Come with me, Freddie. Leave you wife, your friends, and be with me. Be my wife, I bought you a ring, here, let me show you!”

She fumbled around in her pocket for something. Freddie clasped a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. This wasn’t happening. This was a bad dream, and she would soon wake up, with Jane’s arms around her. This wasn’t happening.

Paula dropped to her knees and showed up the ring, but Freddie didn’t even look at it. She didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to know what delusion Paula was brewing in her mind again. She would never be Paula’s wife, she didn’t even want to be her friend anymore. She wanted to get as far away from her as possible.

Freddie took advantage of Paula kneeling, and she tore herself away from the wall, running into the bedroom. Unfortunately, running while being six months pregnant wasn’t as quick as she hoped, and 

Paula caught her before she had the chance to lock herself inside. She grabbed Freddie’s wrist and dragged her closer to her, her eyes glowing.

‘’You ungrateful bitch!” Paula screamed into her face. ‘’I bared my soul to you, and this is what you do to me!?”

‘’Le me go!” Freddie screamed, trashing in her hold. She was scared for her life, for her baby’s life- she needed to get to safety but didn’t know how, her brain was overcome by sheer panic.

‘’You will be mine,” Paula grinned manically, ‘’you will be my wife, and you’re gonna raise your baby with me. You will be mine, and if I have to kill Jane to make it so, I will do it!”

That was the last straw for Freddie- it was just too much anxiety, too much fear. Jane was in danger, her baby was in danger, her friends were in danger, they were all in danger…

She felt a dull ache in her stomach, before the world grew grey around the edges- she was somewhat aware of Paula calling her name in panic, shaking her, but after a while she couldn’t see or hear anything, as everything turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who wants to kill Paula Prenter?


	13. Lavender Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Paula's attack, an announcement, and strong friendships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, as I promised, giving you the answer to whether Freddie and the baby are okay! And it's also a Paula-free chapter, whooo!

As soon as Freddie opened her eyes, Jane let out a long, relieved breath, all but falling onto her hospital bed. Her hands found Freddie’s, squeezing them. Freddie gave her a weak smile, turning her head to nuzzle into Jane’s neck.

‘’You’re okay,” Jane whispered, voice choked up on the tears, ‘’you’re both okay. Jesus fucking Christ.”

She started sobbing then, freely, finally relieving all the stress that built up inside her. When the hospital called her, Jane saw her life flashing before her eyes- the life she was supposed to build with Freddie, their beautiful, peaceful future. She saw it slipping through her fingers like fine dust, dissolving into thin air. She was so close to losing Freddie, their baby, everything. Jane wanted to scream, bang her head against the wall in desperation. She called her friends, barely able to get the words out, choking on tears and panic. They were the only reason she didn’t collapse, that she could make it to the hospital in one piece.

But Freddie was okay, and their baby was okay, too. The doctors told her it was the stress and panic that caused Freddie to collapse. They hooked her on the IV and gave her some very light sedatives that wouldn’t harm her baby, just in case. She was soon right as rain, a little pale and a little exhausted, but she was okay. And that was all that mattered.

‘’Darling,” Freddie shushed her gently, hugging Jane’s head close to her chest. Jane wrapped her arms around Freddie’s stomach, holding on, as if she was scared their baby would disappear if she let go. Freddie carded her fingers through Jane’s hair, soothing her anxious wife. ‘’We’re fine, it’s okay, you told me. Hey, don’t cry.”

‘’I’m going to kill her,” Jane growled, trembling with rage. She was not a violent person, despite her rough exterior- she never even beat up anyone, but she felt the urge to grab Paula Prenter and bash her head into the wall. She wanted to make her suffer for everything she did to them, but most of all, for what she did to Freddie. She nearly caused her wife to miscarry. At least she had some remaining morsels of humanity when she called an ambulance, but Jane knew that was only because of her obsession with Freddie. If it was anyone else in the same scenario, Regina or Georgia or anyone from their group, Jane had no doubt Paula would leave them right there. The only reason their baby survived, the only reason Freddie was okay was the exact same reason this accident happened in the first place- because Paula was obsessed with her, and refused to leave her alone.

‘’She needs to suffer for what she did to you.”

‘’Where is she now?” Freddie asked. She swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat. She tried to soothe Jane, but she was just as scared. She didn’t know what Paula was planning on doing to her earlier, back at the house. Was she going to rape her? Kidnap her? Kill her if she said no? She threatened Jane, was it that big of a reach to imagine her actually trying to do something like that?

Her words still echoed in Freddie’s head, making her stomach churn. She took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. This much stress wasn’t good for the baby, it became painfully obvious today. She needed to stay sane.

‘’She said she would make me hers, no matter what,” Freddie whispered, eyes filling with tears, ‘’and she would even kill you to achieve that.”

‘’I’m not scared of her,” Jane stated, wiping at her eyes angrily, ‘’I’m scared for you, and for our child. I don’t care what happens to me, as long as she leaves you alone.”

‘’No, Jane, I’m serious!” Freddie insisted, clutching Jane’s hands tighter. ‘’You have to be very careful. You saw what she did. I think she’s capable of anything. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

‘’We’re going to the police today. I will rip them a new asshole personally if I must, but they can’t brush this under the rug anymore. They wanted her to become violent? Well, she was fucking violent today. A restraining order is the least they should give us against her. But personally, I think this psycho belongs in jail.”

Freddie sighed deeply, resting her forehead against Jane’s. How did it all come to this? Just about half a year ago, everything was fine. They were struggling to get pregnant, yes, but at least she wasn’t getting threatened and attacked by a crazy stalker. She used to think Paula was just confused, with plenty of emotional baggage. Freddie was willing to help her, lending her an ear and accepting her into the group. She stood by that woman, thinking she was better than what her friends claimed. And she was wrong, so wrong. In a few months’ time, Paula completely lost her mind. Her sick obsession with the girls’ personal lives, her book, and Freddie, went to her head, until Freddie couldn’t recognize her anymore. Jane was right: they needed to make sure Paula would get out of their lives, for good.

‘’The girls are all here,” Jane said softly. She finally managed a smile, as she leaned in to kiss Freddie’s bump. ‘’Would you like to see them now, or are you too tired? They probably won’t be able to stay for long, but I think they would like to know you’re okay.”

‘’I would love that.” Freddie smiled. She felt a small kick, and her smile widened, smoothing her palm over the curve of her stomach. ‘’Maybe we can also invite them over for tonight? I feel like we really need each other now.”

‘’Absolutely.” Jane replied, kissing Freddie on the lips sweetly, savoring the moment. She didn’t know what she would have done if the alternative happened. Frankly, she didn’t even want to think about it. Right now, she just wanted to hold Freddie, and mutter a thank you to the universe for still being able to do so.

\--

It was a crazy day, and it just got even crazier- but finally, it was the good kind of crazy.

Georgia was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram on her break, her head still buzzing with the events of the morning. She thought she would get a heart attack when Jane told them what happened to Freddie. It was horrifying to think about how close they were to a tragedy happening: Freddie could have easily lost her baby, the baby her and Jane fought so hard for. Paula nearly ruined everything, and now she was gone. No one knew where she was. Once again, she disappeared off the face of the Earth, clearly knowing that she crossed a line this time, and that it would cost her a lot. If Jane didn’t kill her, then the police would get her, as they finally understood the ‘’petty lesbian drama” was actually a very serious situation, and something needed to be done about it, very quickly. But for that, they should have known where Paula was- but the woman disappeared, almost like she never existed. When they tracked her mobile, it lead them to a dumpster. She may have been crazy, but she was incredibly smart- she knew how to hide her traces, that was for sure.

All in all, Georgia would have felt much calmer if Paula was finally done away with. Who knows when she would come back to strike again, and what she would do this time?

It was in this emotional state when she stumbled upon a post by Jill’s official page. They haven’t really talked since that day Georgia barged in on her, and they ended up having sex. Georgia felt incredibly embarrassed by her moment of weakness, and just wanted to cower away in shame. She felt herself blush as her eyes landed on a picture of Jill, smiling on a simple selfie. She started reading the caption, mindlessly at first- then, with each word, her eyes grew wider.

_Hey everyone! I hope you are all having a great day- I certainly am thriving, after so many years of misery. There’s something I wanted to tell you, because I just can’t hide it anymore. I’m bisexual. This was something I couldn’t admit for a long time; I felt ashamed by my attraction to girls, I wanted to keep that side of me a secret. My relationship with @thebryanmitchell was just for marketing purposes. We discussed it, and we decided to end our deal. We became really good friends, and he encouraged me to be myself. But there was someone else that means so much to me, and who made me brave. I fell in love with a girl, and I messed up our relationship with all my sneaking around. My life is empty since we broke up. She means all the world to me, and if she’s reading it, I hope she can forgive me for treating her like my dirty little secret for so long. It was wrong- wrong because I hurt her, and wrong because I wasn’t true to myself. And that is the most important thing: to be yourself. I hope reading this might help someone come to terms with their own identity, and accept themselves the way they are!_

The letters swam in front of her eyes, and the breath hitched in her throat. Georgia clasped a hand over her mouth, trying to comprehend what she had just seen. She refreshed the page, over and over, to see if the post would disappear, if this was just some kind of joke- but the post was right there, out and proud, with Jill smiling and thriving exactly the way she said. The comments were full of people congratulating her. Georgia’s eyes filled with proud tears.

She ran as fast as she could, hailing the first cab that came to sight. When they arrived at Jill’s place, she marched up the stairs and banged on the door, heart pounding like a hammer inside her chest. The last time this happened, when she ran over to her place and threw herself at Jill, it was an act of desperation: this time, she laughed with relief as she flew into her arms, showering her cheeks in kisses.

‘’I’m so proud of you,” she whispered against Jill’s lips, holding onto her for dear life, ‘’you did it!”

‘’I did.” Jill said, almost shyly. She wrapped her arms around Georgia’s waist, pulling her closer.

‘’I’m sorry it took me so long.”

‘’And I’m sorry for being so pushy.” Georgia replied, suddenly feeling ashamed. ‘’I shouldn’t have pressured you to do this…”

‘’You didn’t.” Jill promised, ‘’You had every right to want a normal relationship, where you don’t have to hide. I played this game with you for years, and it wasn’t fair of me. It made sense that you got tired. And I did this for me, first of all. Because I spent so much time trying to suppress my real feelings, and I got tired. I was ashamed of who I was, and what kind of example would I be for those kids who watch my matches? Those little girls that want to be football players, that are like me? How could I expect them, and anyone, to look up to me, if I’m scared of being myself?”

She took Georgia’s hands in hers, lifting them to her lips and kissing each knuckle. Georgia blushed softly, her smile wobbly, but genuine.

‘’My fear controlled me all my life,” Jill continued, ‘’and it cost me the things I care about the most.” She looked up at Georgia, sighing. ‘’I lost you, and it made me realize what an idiot I was. I feel so relieved right now. Like a huge weight is gone off my shoulders.”

‘’What is your manager gonna say?” Georgia asked, worried. ‘’Aren’t you gonna get in trouble?”

‘’I fired him.” Jill announced with a smug smirk. ‘’And hired a new one. I figured I needed to push away any obstacle that stands between me and my dreams.”

Georgia grinned, and pulled her into a kiss. Their teeth clashed as they couldn’t stop smiling, but neither of them cared. They were finally at the right place, and they both knew no matter what came next, they would be fine as long as they had each other.

\--

Etta still felt a little weird, a little out of place. A few visits clearly couldn’t fix all the horrible things that happened, but some of the broken pieces were started to get glued together, at last.

Did she forgive her parents? That was probably too heavy of a word, just yet. It was hard to move past being called a failure, a disappointment all her life, her parents trying to send her to conversion therapy and then disowning her: it was too much baggage, not something that was easily undone. But they made an effort, and that was what mattered.

Sheila was still a little bit weirded out by Dinah, but she seemed to be more acceptive, now. She saw how happy her daughter was, and it gave her the chance to reflect on her terrible actions. She didn’t change by the snap of a finger, neither did Stanley: sometimes they still used words that hurt, and Etta could still see the disdain in their eyes at times. But they were trying, actually seeking her out and calling her, inviting her and Dinah over a couple times. Etta knew their family is never going to be perfect, not after how they treated her, and the nasty divorce of her parents. Still, things seemed a little better now. It felt like getting some kind of closure, at last, an apology of sorts. 

And amidst all that, she had Dinah. Dinah, who was her family when her own blood rejected her. Dinah, who always stood by and her supported her. She may have gone about it in the wrong way, in the beginning, being a little too pushy about trying to reunite Etta with her family, but now, Etta saw she was just trying to help. She wanted what was the best for her, and never gave up the hope, even when Etta did. And eventually, she was kind of right, after all. Etta did get back together with her family, even if it worked in a bit of an awkward, patchwork way.

She looked at her girlfriend, and felt her chest tingle with warmth. Even if they had a bit of a rocky patch here and there, their relationship was strong. None of the hardships could break them apart, not Etta’s parents, not Paula, not the mistakes they made. They were a powerful unit, and Etta had no doubt that Dinah was the woman she wanted to live the rest of her life with. 

Today, their friend was hurt, and the unspeakable nearly happened. It made Etta think; not just that, but her relationship with her family, too. Connections needed to be cherished, Etta believed, and life was easier to live moving forward than being stuck in the past. 

Dinah noticed she was looking at her, and she gave her a small smile of her own. Etta grinned, thinking about that little box she hid in her closet. She wondered how tired Dinah would be after they got back home from Freddie and Jane’s- because she needed to be alert to give Etta her answer.

\--

‘’It’s so good to see you’re okay,” Brianna said, shoulders sagging with relief. She reached over and squeezed Freddie’s hand, who smiled back at her.

‘’The doctors said I’m all fine,” Freddie said, resting her hands on her stomach. ‘’And so is Amel.”

‘’That’s the name you chose for her at last?” Brianna asked, her face utterly lighting up. She grinned widely at her friends, cheeks flushed pink in excitement. ‘’It sounds pretty!”

‘’It means hope.” Jane explained, unable to wipe her wide grin off her face. She pressed a smacking kiss onto Freddie’s cheek, making her giggle. ‘’Because, you know, we never gave up the hope that we would have a baby.”

‘’I love this.” Phoebe said with a dreamy smile, leaning her head on Jenny’s shoulder. ‘’You have no idea how relieved we are, that you guys are all okay. This was a scary day.”

‘’I wish I listened to you,” Freddie sighed. ‘’You warned me that Paula could be dangerous, and I didn’t believe you. I should have.”

‘’It’s not your fault, you weren’t the only one who fell into her trap,” Petra assured her with a smile. ‘’I mean, I could see that something was off with her, but I also didn’t realize she would go berserk like that one day. It’s like she switched personalities.”

‘’I wonder if this is the real her,” Joan hummed, drawing comforting patterns onto Petra’s back with the tips of her fingers. ‘’Like, you know. Was she just pretending to be nice all along, or did she become like this after she met us?”

‘’I don’t think we should be blaming ourselves,” Etta chimed in with a sigh. ‘’We weren’t obligated to become her friends, that’s not how it works. And you know what? I think we were polite and accommodating enough, even when she got all weird with us. I don’t think it’s our fault she went off her shits.”

‘’Freddie, she talked to you the most,” Dinah spoke up, twisting on Etta’s lap to get a better view of her friend, ‘’what was your impression?”

Freddie hummed, tapping her fingers mindlessly against her stomach for a second as she gathered her thoughts. ‘’She told me how hard it was for her to accept her sexuality. She denied it for so long, because she was raised in a strict, catholic family. She told me how her parents never understood her, and neither did her friends. Obviously, she had a lot of baggage right from the start.”

‘’Yeah, but that doesn’t give her an excuse to act like this,” Crystal said, shaking her head with a frown. ‘’I think many of us went through a lot of shit, some of us more than the others, but I don’t see Etta threatening to kill someone, or Reg writing a book with our most intimate secrets.”

‘’I guess that project remains unfinished business, it’s hard to publish a book if you’re in prison.” Regina snickered, taking a sip of her tea. 

‘’I wish she was there already.” Jenny grumbled. ‘’Where the hell did she even go? It’s like she just dissolved into thin air.”

‘’Maybe at the end it will turn out she was just a figment of our imagination,” Tamara joked, ‘’and this was all just a dream.”

‘’But if this was a dream, then so many great things wouldn’t have happened, either.” Georgia countered. Her eyes drifted to Jill, who was sitting next to her, a little awkwardly. She only knew the girls in passing, but she decided it was time for her to really check this group out for herself. The girls all accepted her right away, congratulating her for coming out.

‘’If this was a dream, we wouldn’t have our baby right now,” Jane hummed, interlacing her fingers with Freddie’s over Freddie’s stomach. ‘’We would be still going to the clinic, searching for a donor and reviving eggs.”

‘’I would have a trail of failed relationships behind my back, and swearing I would never be in love again.” Regina added, looking up at Crystal with stars in her eyes. Crystal cooed and kissed her on the forehead.

‘’I would be desperately single and pining after women who didn’t care about me- no offense, Dani.” Phoebe chuckled, peering over to her boss. Addie officially joined the group after the girls gave her the courage to leave her abusive relationship, and it seemed like her and Dani worked really well together as an item.

‘’None taken.” Dani chuckled, burrowing closer to Addie, who wrapped her arms around her with a smile.

‘’We would be still dancing around each other, refusing to admit we were in love,” Petra laughed, pinching Joan’s cheek playfully. Joan blushed, but she smiled all the same.

‘’I would still feel like a failure, and my relationship with my family would be a train wreck.” Etta added. Now, when she was talking about her family, her eyes weren’t so sad anymore, Dinah noted.

‘’I would be closeted.” Jill sent Georgia a little smile, squeezing her hand. ‘’And waste my life to fear.”

‘’I would be all alone,” Tamara sighed softly. Brianna kissed her on the cheek, making her smile faintly. ‘’I would be still blaming myself for things that weren’t my fault.”

‘’And we would be still blaming you.” Jane sighed. ‘’I know we said it a lot, but we really sorry, Tamara.”

‘’Well, I made sure you hated me,” she chuckled, ‘’but I’m not mad at you. I never was. And we’re friends again!”

‘’If this was a dream, I would be still sleeping around without any real connections, and knowing where my place was in the world.” Addie closed the list, smiling. ‘’Now I have some really awesome friends, and a serious girlfriend.”

‘’You also survived an abusive relationship.” Freddie reminded her proudly. ‘’We all survived the crap Paula was throwing at us. She tried to tear us apart, break down our self-confidence and ruin what we had, but she didn’t manage. Because at the end of the day, we are stronger than her. Our friendship, our relationships… it’s all much, much stronger than what Paula could ever imagine. I hope she’s out of our lives for good, that she’s already in Mexico and she would never come back again.”

‘’Why is it always Mexico?” Georgia laughed. ‘’When people run away, why do we always say they went to Mexico to start a new life?”

‘’I hope she’s in the Bermuda triangle right as we speak,” Regina huffed. ‘’Just getting lost in the abyss where she belongs. Fuck, I hate her so much. All the crap she pulled on us…”

‘’And who knows who else she hurt that we don’t know about.” Jane hummed. ‘’I mean, she has a tendency to blame others for her own misgivings, I wonder if her old friends ostracized her because they didn’t understand her, or if she was being a monster to them, too.”

‘’And poor Kevin,” Phoebe added solemnly, ‘’he really drew the short stick, huh? His fiancée cheats on him, and then she’s the one who messes up his car and nearly kills him and his new girlfriend.”

‘’We visited him a few times,” Freddie said, warming her hands on her cup. ‘’As we are neighbors, you know. He’s a really nice guy, he deserves much better. I’m glad he’s out of Paula’s clutches too, really.”

They fell silent for a while, thinking everything that happened, through. The past months had been a crazy ride, ever since Paula entered their lives. She truly caused them so much harm on the top of the problems they were already dealing with, and nearly broke them in the process quite a few times. But just like Freddie said, they pushed through. They refused to turn against each other, and break up their connections. They refused to bend to her will, much like when Tamara rejected the pills she tried to give her, because she had more respect for herself, and because she valued her friendship with the girls and her love with Brianna. They survived her nastiest attacks, and maybe the fight was not really over yet, considering Paula wasn’t in jail, but they realized they were stronger together. Every time something awful happened, they held onto one another. They flocked together to help those that needed it, and cheered each other on. They were a strong group, who would never fall apart, no matter what underhanded, terrible crap Paula wanted to pull on them next.

‘’Do we wanna see where we are at?” Regina asked, breaking the silence. The girls snorted, but they gave in, letting their nosy friend have her favorite hobby: checking in with everyone.

‘’So, Freddie and Jane are going to be welcoming little Amel in about four months. Baby, Mummy and Mama are all doing great, thank God. Petra and Joan are living their best life, so far they didn’t kill each other, so I guess that means they made the right choice moving in together.” That made the couple laugh. ‘’Etta is sort of on amicable terms with her family now, which is wonderful! And they even accepted Dinah! Awesome for you, ladies. Jill, congratulations on your coming out, and welcome to the group! It’s good to see you and Georgia happy together again. Phoebe and Jenny are still disgustingly in love, and I heard something about adopting a cat!?”

‘’Yes, that’s the plan,” Jenny grinned. To Phoebe’s little ‘’I want an all-white one with blue eyes!”, she just smiled fondly.

‘’Brianna and Tamara are both adorable as hell, and we are really proud of you Tammy, for being able to reject those pills. You’re really strong, and I hope Brianna gives you all the strength you need- and so do we! Addie and Dani, you two are actually really sweet! Dani, I was kind of worried about you at first, considering you were fatphobic to my girl Pheebs, but I see you redeemed yourself, so good for you! Also, tell me, Addie, how is it being in a committed relationship?”

‘’It’s really great, actually.” Addie replied, smiling at Dani. ‘’I definitely enjoy myself.”

‘’Crystal and I are planning to move in together as well,” Regina continued, blushing softly. Her friends all cheered, and Crystal kissed her on the lips, murmuring an ‘’I love you” against her mouth.

The rest of the evening was spent with laughing, sharing crazy stories and just having a fun, in a way they weren’t allowed for quite a while. Heaven knows, they all needed some peace and quiet after everything that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go, holy shit!


	14. Lunatic Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two arrivals, two very different reactions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR WARNINGS in this chapter for blood, violence, and a (non-explicit) birth scene! Stay safe everyone!

Freddie slumped back on the couch with an exhausted groan. Her cheeks were red from exertion, even though all she did was going to the toilet and back. But, she supposed, that was to be expected when you were nine months pregnant and ready to pop any day.

‘’You okay?” Etta asked with a sympathetic wince. She reached out and gently patted Freddie’s knee. ‘’Man, I’m NEVER going to be pregnant. No way.”

‘’Do I look that awful?” Freddie laughed, rubbing the side of her stomach. She felt a few very strong kicks there a few hours prior, but it was a false alarm. Little Amel was probably just bored. ‘’Nice to know I’m the poster girl for ‘never get pregnant, ladies, it’s terrible’! “

‘’Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… I don’t think I could handle all that. You’re pretty tough, I must say.”

‘’Are kids in your five years plan?” Freddie asked with a grin. She rubbed Delilah’s chin, making the cat purr and rub against her side fondly. ‘’Is it just the pregnancy, or no kids whatsoever?”

Etta hummed, her lips twitching into a smile. She reached down to pet Oscar. ‘’Well, kids are fine. Yeah, you know what? I think I would like kids. Maybe we have actually talked with Dinah about this. And we’re sort of leaning towards adopting.”

‘’That is wonderful.” Freddie said, eyes bright. ‘’I think you two would be great mummies.”

‘’You know, if I ever had kids, I would never make the same mistakes my own parents did. I would do literally everything differently.”

‘’Me too. My parents could be pretty tough cookies too- not as much as yours, obviously, but I still wouldn’t act like that around my kid. You know, I guess it’s our job to be better than them, to raise our kids completely differently so they could have a better childhood… and adulthood.”

‘’I like that sentiment.” Etta admitted with a smile. ‘’Though there’s a wedding to plan before that. We don’t even know where to start!”

‘’You two need a fabulous wedding!” Freddie grinned. She felt another strong kick that made her flinch, but she ignored it. It was false alarm last time, it was probably that again. 

Etta smiled. She still remembered how excited Dinah was when she proposed to her: she could see her girlfriend’s bright eyes so vividly, the way she covered her mouth with a delighted gasp. There was no hesitation: she said yes right away. Etta’s family was quite shocked; they were still getting used to each other, and this was a giant bomb they dropped, but they took it better than Etta expected. It was all looking out really great, now they just had to figure out how to plan their wedding.

‘’At least you have some more time now that we aren’t worried for our lives all the time.” Freddie added quietly, eyes growing a bit solemn.

Paula had been completely AWOL for three months now- out of sight, out of mind. No one has heard from her. That didn’t mean Freddie was completely calm, of course. It has happened before that Paula disappeared and they all thought they finally got rid of her for good, but then she came back again to haunt them. Freddie could only hope this time she actually stays away. The last thing she pulled, namely nearly causing a miscarriage was way too much, and she probably knew that. She must have been smarter than to come back when she knew literally every single one of Freddie’s friends would happily snap her neck.

‘’I hope she rots wherever she is right now,” Etta snickered, taking a sip of her tea. ‘’Just sitting on the ashes of her half-finished book and rotting.”

Freddie gasped when Amel kicked her again, so hard her entire lower belly swam in white pain. She rubbed at her stomach, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. Etta noticed her discomfort, immediately reaching for her hand to soothe her.

‘’Are you alright?” She asked, voice wavering with worry. Freddie forced a smile onto her face and nodded, but it quickly dimmed when she felt that ache again, the searing pain tearing across her hip this time. Okay, maybe these weren’t even kicks, and very probably not a false alarm.

‘’I think I’m going into labor,” Freddie whispered. Etta’s eyes widened, and her cheeks turned pale as a sheet.

‘’Wait, holy shit! Isn’t there supposed to be like, intervals during the contractions? Is this normal?”

‘’I don’t think so… I don’t know!” Freddie yelled out in pain when it felt like someone just punched her in the stomach. She doubled over, hugging her torso miserably. Delilah jumped off the bed, running to hide away. Etta had a point, this surely wasn’t normal. This much pain, and so quickly… panic settled into Freddie’s chest. What if something bad was gonna happen? What if her baby was in danger? She nearly lost her once, she wouldn’t be able to handle it twice.

Etta reached for her phone to dial the number of the ambulance, while keeping a worried eye over her friend. It was awful to see her friend in so much pain, while not having any idea how to help.

‘’They will be here in about eight minutes, they said.” Etta announced when she hang up. She squeezed Freddie’s hands, trying to reassure her. ‘’It’s gonna be okay.”

‘’You need to call Jane!” Freddie whimpered, shivering in pain. ‘’I’m not doing it without her!”

Clearly, that wasn’t a matter of choice, especially because it seemed like little Amel was already trying to claw herself out without any warning beforehand, but Freddie still hated the idea of not having her wife around. She wanted to hold Jane’s hand- Etta made a wonderful effort, but it wasn’t the same. She needed Jane right now, more than ever.

She heard Etta practically screaming into the phone when Jane finally picked up. Freddie took a deep breath, trying not to have a panic attack. She needed to calm down a little bit, if she didn’t want to make this even worse for herself.

‘’Do you have that hospital bag?” Etta fretted after she put the phone down. ‘’The stuff you need? Do I need to call your parents?”

‘’Bag is in that closet,” Freddie gritted out, nodding towards the wardrobe. ‘’And, argh, let’s call them once I’m in the ambulance car.”

Etta shot to her feet to rummage through the closet. Freddie tilted her head back with another groan, squeezing her hands over her stomach. It’s gonna be okay, she kept telling herself. Jane would be there soon, she would make everything better. 

\--

‘’There’s only a cat waiting to be sterilized, right?” Jane yelled at her assistant, causing the poor woman to nearly jump off her chair. ‘’Call it off, immediately!”

‘’What’s wrong?”

‘’My wife went into labor,” Jane explained, rushing to get everything she needed. Panic filled her chest. She wanted to be there when it happened, wanted to be the one to escort Freddie to the hospital. Thank God for Etta, Jane hated the idea that Freddie would be alone when this happened. Her assistant murmured something, but Jane ignored it. She wasn’t one to leave her patients hanging, but this was a tremendous emergency.

She tried to keep as much of a clear head as possible. What did she need? Car keys, her phone, her ID, should she call Freddie’s parents or has Etta already called them? What about her own parents, should she call them now or when they were in the hospital?

She ran out the door, her coat only halfway pulled up. There were a few people in the waiting room, startled by their vet storming out. Jane knocked into someone in her rush, nearly slamming them into the wall with the force.

‘’Shit, I’m sorry,” Jane stuttered, barely looking at them while trying to push past, ‘’I need to go!”

She yelped when she was suddenly yanked back by a strong hand on her arm. She snapped her head around to yell at whoever was trying to prevent her from seeing her wife, but the words died on her lips when she found herself staring into the icy blues of Paula’s eyes.

‘’Where’s the rush to?” Paula asked with a smirk, her fingers digging into Jane’s arm painfully. ‘’I thought we had time for a little chat.”

Jane was torn between punching her and leaving her there to run after Freddie. She really wasn’t in the mood to deal with Paula right now- she had no idea where she came from, and why on this day of all days, and frankly, she didn’t really care right now. She needed to be there for Freddie, she needed to be there for her baby.

‘’Let me go,” Jane growled, yanking her head back with all her force. She turned her back on Paula and reached for the door, but she was yanked back again, so hard that she fell to the floor. The people in the waiting room gasped, frozen in shock.

‘’I’ve been waiting for this for three months,” Paula hissed, all but jumping onto Jane. She gripped Jane’s throat, grinning manically. ‘’Three months spent in hiding because you bitches chased me away. Three months of not contacting anyone but my publisher, like a fucking animal trapped in a hole, but I’m done waiting.”

Her grip tightened around Jane’s throat. Jane tried to push her off, but Paula was fueled by the adrenaline, pinning her down with all her might.

‘’Three months have passed, right? That means Freddie is nine months pregnant,” Paula continued, her voice taking on a softer edge. ‘’I needed to be around just in time to see our baby’s arrival, and to finally do away with you!”

‘’She’s not your baby!” Jane croaked, reaching out with all her might and jabbing her finger into Paula’s eye. That made the other woman scream in pain and let go of Jane. Jane took advantage of that and threw her off.

‘’Call the police!” She yelled at her assistant and the pet owners, anyone that heard her. The breath was knocked out of her when Paula punched her in the side.

\--

‘’I want my wife!” Freddie sobbed as she was lifted onto the stretcher. She was so scared, and all she wanted was Jane who promised she would be there at the hospital by the time Freddie arrived, but she was nowhere to be seen.

‘’I’m sure she’s gonna be here soon,” Etta told her, though she had a hard time keeping the worry out of her voice. Where the hell was Jane? Her clinic wasn’t even all that far from the hospital, how couldn’t she make it?

She waved at Freddie’s parents who came running down the corridor, rushing towards their daughter.

‘’Freddie, sweetheart, we’re here.” Her mother, Jer whispered, stroking Freddie’s hair who just whimpered in response. ‘’It’s gonna be okay beta, it’s gonna be okay…”

‘’Where’s Jane?” Bomi asked, turning to Etta. Etta has never seen him that scared.

‘’She’s gonna be here soon,” Etta repeated. She had no idea when Jane was going to get here, but she couldn’t say that and cause even more panic.

‘’I’m scared,” Freddie admitted, tears streaming down her face. Giving birth wasn’t something you were prepared to, even if you thought you were. She was in so much pain already, just from the contractions, and she never handled pain too well. Freddie knew it would be much better if Jane was here to hold her hand but she wasn’t. Where the hell was she? What if something happened to her on the way?

She was rolled into a sharp white room. Only her mother was allowed in there with her, and while Freddie appreciated Jer’s presence greatly, she still wanted Jane, too.

\--

‘’I don’t wanna fight with you,” Jane groaned, raising her hands up in surrender. Beating Paula up was something she kept dreaming of in the past months, but now was really not the time. This was the biggest moment of Jane’s life, and she couldn’t let Paula ruin it.

‘’I don’t care what you want!” Paula screamed, charging at her. She hit Jane across the face, hard. The people at the clinic screamed, the animals hollered in distress. Jane punched Paula square in the jaw in retaliation, causing her to stumble back.

‘’Freddie is giving birth, you fucking psycho!” Jane yelled at her. There was blood on her knuckles, and on her face. ‘’I’m missing the birth of my child, because of you!”

‘’Freddie…” Paula whispered, wiping the blood off her nose almost delicately. Her lips twitched into a grin upon the mention of Freddie. Jane’s stomach twisted with disgust. 

‘’You need to let me on my way,” Jane told her, trying for a different approach. Maybe she could settle Paula a bit if she used her adoration for Freddie. ‘’Freddie is so scared and in pain, and she needs me. I need to be there for her so she will be okay, right? You wouldn’t want her to suffer, would you?” Jane didn’t particularly like manipulation, but she had to try everything to get away from Paula and be there at the hospital in time.

It seemed to be working, for a second. Paula mumbled something under her breath, eyes troubled as she mulled her options over in her head- but then she snarled again and threw herself at Jane, pushing her against the receptionist desk.

‘’I’m going to fucking kill you!”

\--

The girls all arrived just a few minutes after Freddie was taken to the labor room. They all asked questions at the same time, frantically wanting to know if Freddie was okay, where Jane was. Etta’s head pounded.

‘’Guys, I don’t know where Jane is, okay?” Etta told them, stomach churning with anxiety. ‘’I called her and she told me she would be here soon.”

‘’Well, call her again!” Regina snapped, her voice high-pitched. She was practically trembling with nerves. ‘’She needs to be here!”

‘’Do you think something happened to her?” Phoebe fretted, tears in her eyes. ‘’She would never miss the birth of her baby!”

‘’Maybe she just hit traffic.” Jenny tried to console her, rubbing Phoebe’s back in comforting circles. Truth be told, they were all anxious. The Jane they knew would already be in there with Freddie: nothing would prevent her from coming here.

‘’Is Freddie okay?” Joan asked, squeezing Petra’s hand with whitening knuckles. Etta held her hand up, trying to shush them while she was on the phone. Jane didn’t pick up.

‘’Something is very wrong.” Brianna sighed, rubbing at her face. ‘’I really don’t like this.”

‘’Try not to panic, okay?” Tamara tried, but she was obviously nervous, too. ‘’We’re not helping Freddie with this.

‘’You’re handling this so well.” Dinah told Etta with a proud little smile, rubbing her arm. Etta smiled back faintly, pecking her fiancée on the lips.

They stood outside, waiting. Bomi was pacing up and down, occasionally asking the girls something before he moved on, an anxious tiger trying to break out of his cage. None of the girls blamed him: they were all worried, for Freddie and for Jane, and for little Amel.

‘’Should someone check Jane at the clinic?” Georgia asked. ‘’Maybe she’s caught up in an important surgery, or something…?”

‘’Jane Hutton-Mercury would throw everything away just to be with her wife.” Regina sighed, blinking against the tears rapidly. Crystal hugged her close, murmuring into her hair to calm her down.  
Etta tried calling Jane again, to no avail. Their anxiety kept rising, and the worst part was that they had no idea what to do.

\--

Freddie has never experienced pain like this in her whole life. She remembered Etta joking about her splitting in half, when Freddie was still just daydreaming about having a baby- honestly, she had a point. It truly felt like she was being ripped in half, and she wasn’t even allowed to push yet.

‘’I want Jane, Mama,” Freddie whined, gripping onto Jer’s head. Her mother nodded, tears of sympathy glistening in her eyes.

‘’She will be here soon, I’m sure of it. She would never let you down.”

Freddie knew that. She was certain Jane would come, why wouldn’t she? She was just as excited about this baby as Freddie was, she wouldn’t miss this for the world. No, Freddie was worried something happened to her wife on the way. She must have been held up somewhere, and it killed Freddie inside not knowing where she was or what happened to her.

‘’What if she’s in trouble?” Freddie fretted. Another contraction hit her, and she cried out in pain. Jer caressed her cheek, her heart breaking for her own child.

‘’Jane will be okay, don’t think things like that.” Jer tried to calm her, but it was futile. Freddie couldn’t be calm, not until she was absolutely sure Jane was okay.

‘’Freddie,” the doctor told her in a calm voice, ‘’you’re gonna need to start pushing soon, okay?”

‘’I can’t do it without Jane.” Freddie whispered. This was a nightmare. She always imagined the birth would go smoothly, with Jane being there with her from the start. Yet, here she was, exhausted and scared and in pain, and Jane wasn’t here with her.

\--

Jane’s entire body ached. She was fairly certain her nose was broken or at least cracked; it throbbed with a dull pain, and she could feel the blood oozing from it. Her jaw hurt, and one of her eyes must have been swollen, because she could barely see with it. Her back burned from when Paula slammed her into the counter.

Paula wasn’t in a much better shape, either. Her face was a mess of blood and sweat, an unrecognizable monster. Her eyes were blackened and Jane noticed she was missing a tooth.

Jane didn’t want to fight: she truly just wanted to be with Freddie, and leave this idiot behind. But Paula wouldn’t budge: she kept hitting and kicking at Jane like a wild animal. She was hell-bent on keeping her back. She didn’t want Jane to be with Freddie, she wanted to deprive her enemy from the happiness of seeing her child arriving into this world. She wanted to destroy Jane, physically and mentally alike, because she felt like she was the reason Freddie didn’t love her back. She was unable to accept that, and so she wanted to erase Jane from this world.

She could barely feel the pain when Jane’s fist collided with her face once again. Revenge and hatred pushed her forward. She punched Jane on her already injured nose, making her eyes water and her hands flying up to clutch at her bloody face. The people already cleared out from the waiting room, running away from the horrendous scene. It was only Jane’s loyal assistant who stayed, crying in the back and still clutching the phone.

‘’You have to stop this!” Jane yelled, pushing Paula back when she managed to straighten up again. ‘’Enough of this, Paula! No matter what you do, Freddie is my wife, we love each other. You can’t stand between us!”

‘’She’s confused!” Paula spat, her eyes ablaze with anger. ‘’She doesn’t know what she wants! She doesn’t see it that she would be much happier with me! I could give her everything she needs! You don’t deserve her!”

She flung at Jane again, but this time, Jane managed to duck away.

‘’You need to move on, Paula! You can’t keep living like this, you need help!”

‘’All I need,” Paula wheezed, blood trickling down the side of her face, ‘’is Freddie. And you took her away from me!”

‘’She was never yours!” Jane yelled back. ‘’She’s not an object, she doesn’t belong to you or me, for that matter! She’s her own person, and you clearly don’t love her enough if you can’t see that!”

That seemed to be the last straw for Paula. She screamed and pulled a knife out of her pocket. Jane’s stomach dropped in fear. She had no doubt Paula was so out of it, she was more than happy to use it.

‘’I didn’t want it to come to this,” Paula snickered, a sick, terrifying grin playing at her lips, ‘’but I promised Freddie I would do anything to make her mine, and if it takes your dead body, then so be it!”

\--

Freddie could barely hear her mother’s encouraging words. She was consumed by the pain. Every single muscle in her body ached and burned.

She couldn’t do this, not without Jane, and still, her wife was nowhere in sight. Their baby was coming, and Jane wasn’t around to see it. The doctors told her something, something about how this baby suddenly changed her mind, but Freddie could barely comprehend it. All she knew is that she felt like she had been pushing for ages, and still nothing happened.

‘’This baby was so eager to come out, but now she’s stuck,” a voice said. Freddie whimpered in pain. She clutched onto her mother’s hand, wishing it was Jane’s instead.

\--

The police arrived just in time, right before the knife could have collided with Jane’s stomach. They threw themselves at Paula, twisting the weapon out of her hands. She kicked and screamed against them, not even listening to them reading out her rights. 

The knife lay on the ground, the metal glistening in the neon lights. It was clean, but if the police arrived just a second later, it would have been covered in blood, Jane’s blood.

‘’Miss, we’re gonna need your statement,” one of the policemen told Jane, laying a gentle hand on her arm. ‘’We need to take you to the hospital, you could tell us what happened on the way.”

‘’Yes, you bloody well have to take me,” Jane snapped out of her trance, turning her eyes away from the knife. She suddenly couldn’t care about the attack, her near death experience, her own injuries: all she could think about was Freddie, whom she was kept away from for so long.

‘’My wife is giving birth, I need to be there for her!”

‘’Ma’am, your injuries…”

‘’I don’t care! Take me to my wife!”

\--

That’s how Jane arrived, running down the corridor in the company of the police. Her clothes were ragged and torn, she was bloody and sporting a black eye, but she was still practically flying over to Freddie.

‘’Jane!” Brianna yelled when she noticed her, her voice a mix of horror and relief. ‘’What the fuck happened to you!?”

‘’Paula,” Jane said simply, causing the girls to gasp in unison. ‘’I’ll tell you everything later, okay? Bomi!”

She ran to Freddie’s father who quickly hugged her, then she marched into the room, her heart pounding in her throat.

She was held up by the doctors who immediately assumed she was a lunatic on the loose when they saw her what state she was in, but they soon let up on her when she explained who she was. She was handed gloves, a cape and a mask before she could make her way over to Freddie’s bed.

Her heart broke when she saw her wife in pain, tears streaming down her reddened face and body trembling in exhaustion on the bed. Jer gasped when she saw Jane, and that made Freddie open her eyes. She let out a sob of relief, reaching out for Jane right away.

‘’You’re here!”

‘’I am, god, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come earlier,” Jane told her, dropping to her knees on the other side of the bed. She clutched onto Freddie’s hand, kissing her knuckles. ‘’I’m here now, it’s all gonna be okay.”

‘’What happened to your face? Darling, oh my god!”

‘’Don’t worry about me now,” Jane told her, brushing Freddie’s hair out of her face, finally smiling for the first time since she got the news, ‘’you just focus on delivering our little bundle of joy, okay?”

‘’Seems like this little girl was just waiting for her Mama!” The doctor yelled in awe. ‘’I can see her head!”

‘’You’re nearly there, love,” Jane said, squeezing Freddie’s hand tighter, ‘’you can do it!”

\--

Amel Theodora Mercury-Hutton was the most beautiful thing in the whole world, and neither Freddie or Jane ever wanted to take their eyes off her again. She was so perfect, bundled up in a pink blanket as she rested against Freddie’s chest, her little eyes droopy. She had Freddie’s hair and Jane’s eyes and nose, a perfect little combination of her mothers, made with a lot of love and a little bit of science.

‘’She’s perfect,” Jane whispered, voice choked on the tears of happiness. ‘’Look at her.”

Freddie smiled through the tears, caressing a finger down her daughter’s little cheek. Amel yawned, frowning a bit. Then she sneezed, causing her mothers to laugh in delight.

‘’I cannot believe I nearly missed her arrival,” Jane whispered, eyes still fixated on her beautiful baby. Freddie cooed softly, bumping their foreheads together.

‘’It wasn’t your fault, darling.” She sighed deeply. ‘’This is exactly what I was afraid of, that she will hurt you…”

‘’She was arrested.” Jane told her, kissing Freddie’s cheek. ‘’I talked to the police while they were weighing Amel. We’re getting a restraining order very soon, and she will probably face charges for harassment, assault and attempted murder.”

Freddie winced at the last word. It was awful to think about what could have happened- Jane could have died. She shivered at the thought, but still made an effort to smile. It didn’t happen after all, did it? Jane was here, a little battered but alive. They were okay, and Paula was finally, truly gone. She will most likely go to prison, but even if not, she will not be allowed to go anywhere near them. It was over.

There was a knock on the door. When they looked up, they saw Bomi and Jer, and Esther and James Hutton smiling. Behind them, Freddie could see the girls craning their necks to see inside.

‘’Come in, everyone,” she said, her chest filling with warmth. She laughed as the room was absolutely overfilled with people- people that she all considered her family.

The girls all cried in relief, and the parents cooed at little Amel who seemed a bit overwhelmed by all the attention, hiding her little face in Freddie’s chest.

Freddie and Jane looked at each other, both of them smiling. This was a crazy day, with nearly terrible results, but they survived this, too. They had each other, their friends, and their beautiful baby girl. All was right in the world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go!


	15. Last Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some will rise, and some will fall, but the story ends for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Let me be honest, I was certain no one would be interested in this when I started writing it. It's such a niche, ridiculous AU- why would people care? But as it turns out, I was wrong. I received a tremendous amount of support, which I'm eternally grateful for. Thanks so much to those who read and commented on this, I love you all!❤️❤️ Join me for the last ride, please mind the tags, and have fun! ❤️

_-One year later-_

The decorations were bright and flashy: everywhere you looked, you saw Pride flags in all sizes and shapes, plastered across the walls and hanging from the ceiling, an all-inclusive embrace to the different people that attended the event tonight. Music pumped through the speakers, ramping up the adrenaline of the attendees. Waitresses and waiters with little rainbow badges strolled around, offering refreshments and snacks.

The giant sign above the entrance read ‘’Same-sex couple dance competition- charity event for homeless LGBTQ youth”.

‘’You know, She-Bang looks almost decent without all the tits and groping in dark corners.” Regina joked. She grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray of a waitress passing by, handing one to Crystal. Her girlfriend took it with a grin, clinking it against Regina’s glass.

‘’There could be groping still, just sayin’.” She said with a wolfish grin, squeezing Regina’s bum fleetingly. Regina chuckled, swatting her hand away with no real malice.

‘’Remember when we fucked in the toilets?”

‘’That’s how our relationship started,” Crystal reminisced, ‘’though you were playing hard to get for a while.”

‘’I was a confused idiot who was scared of falling in love,” Regina admitted softly. She hugged Crystal around the waist, pressing her cheek against her chest. She smiled when she felt her heart thrumming. ‘’But now I can’t even remember why I was such a hard-headed asshole in the first place.”

Crystal wrapped her arms around her, kissing the top of her head with a mellow smile. She spotted Joan and Petra approaching, hand in hand, and she nodded at them with a grin.

‘’How nervous are we, ladies?” Petra greeted them cheerfully, nearly bouncing in place. She was vibrating with a healthy amount of anxious energy, clicking the tips of her high heels against the floor. Joan settled her with a hand around her waist, smiling at her fondly.

‘’I cannot believe you pressured me into this.”

‘’Oh, cut the crap, Joan, we all know you have some insane dance moves! We’re totally gonna win this thing.”

‘’Not as long as we are here.” Crystal joked. ‘’But I feel you, Joan, Regina dragged me into this, too.”

‘’Nah, you went along quickly.” Regina said with a shit-eating grin. ‘’Everyone knows you are totally whipped for me.”

Joan and Petra didn’t back the blushing and spluttering Crystal up, instead nodded along and laughed at her. Crystal rolled her eyes, but she still couldn’t wash her smile off her face.

Petra squealed when she noticed Freddie and Jane, waving them over excitedly. Everyone erupted into a string of coos when little Amel, seated on Jane’s hip, flashed them a toothless grin.

‘’My, what a beautiful little lady!” Petra cooed at the baby, dressed in an adorable little summer dress. Freddie and Jane smiled proudly.

‘’My parents are gonna be here soon to take care of her in the audience,” Jane explained, kissing her daughter’s shiny curls. ‘’Hopefully she won’t end screaming through the entire dance.”

‘’She will be amazed, and shunned by our moving performance,” Freddie corrected her poshly, the corners of her lips twitching into a smirk. ‘’She will be so happy to watch her Mummies win this thing!”

‘’Don’t brag.” Etta, who just showed up with Dinah on her arm, stuck her tongue out at her friend. ‘’I wouldn’t be that smug against such strong competition!”

She raised Dinah’s hand in triumph, their wedding bands glistening in the light. Dinah just shook her head with a sigh.

‘’She spent our entire honeymoon bragging about how we are totally going to win this.”

They were soon joined by the rest of the girls, exchanging quick hugs. Everyone was melting over Amel, who- whatever happened around her- just kept grinning.

‘’She’s the most adorable baby, I swear to God.” Phoebe cooed. ‘’And did I hear it correctly that she can already run!? That is so sweet!”

‘’Do you need to borrow our IVF kit? ‘Cause your baby fever is burning me.” Freddie teased. Phoebe and Jenny both blushed, but none of them made any effort to dispute it.

‘’Guess we are already practicing on Aurora.” Jenny added with a chuckle. Their all white, blue-eyed cat, Aurora, was their pride and joy now. Freddie just smirked knowingly.

‘’I really don’t want to shit on anyone’s mood, but how do we feel about Paula being out on parole?” Brianna asked carefully, ready to duck in case anyone wanted to smack her for ruining the moment. She was right to bring it up, though- it had been a giant elephant in the room ever since they received the news. Somehow, they were all certain Paula was done away with for at least eight years, but apparently, fate has decided differently. Starting with the fact that the book of their nightmares, the one they thought would never see the light of day, hit the shelves. Paula edited the last chapter, writing her prison experiences into the book to ramp up more sympathy for herself. She made it look like she was innocent all along, and she was locked up by all those evil women who didn’t appreciate her. At the end of the book, of course, it turns out she had no crimes, and was released- to get the girl she was fighting for. The finished version was just as big a pile of trash as the rough draft they had the misfortune of seeing was, yet it became surprisingly popular. Apparently, books written during time of distress- from a prison, or a hospital- sold better. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see all the lies about them celebrated, but there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t ban the book due to the heavy rules against censorship and to protect the freedom of speech and artistic freedom, besides, there was no concrete evidence those characters were really based on them. They all figured that was bullshit, as they all knew it was about them- but the lawyer they sought out told them such. The book was out, and now Paula was out, too, due to great behavior and supposed mental health issues that needed ‘’serious home treatment instead of imprisonment”. If she stays on her best behavior during the months on her parole, there was a chance she might never have to go back to jail. Entertaining dance competitions aside, this was a heavy cloud that constantly loomed over them. It was such a huge injustice after everything that happened.

‘’She can’t come near us,” Georgia said quietly, her cheeks losing some of their rosy color at the thought of Paula, ‘’she would risk a worse punishment and I doubt she would want that.”

‘’We have restricting orders, and the general rules of parole,” Addie added, ‘’so, we are safe, right?”

No one answered for a while. They were safe, supposedly, but the fear of being attacked by Paula again was engraved too deeply into their brains. They had seen how determined she was- nothing could really stop her from achieving her goals. She had a chip on her shoulder about being the ‘’outcast”, the small-town girl whom nobody truly understood, and she turned this into a weapon. There was no holding her back when she got lost inside her own darkness.

‘’I just don’t understand how her trashy book is so loved,” Regina murmured under her breath, squeezing Crystal’s arm tighter to calm her nerves. ‘’Who the fuck would want to read a book about licking your own ass and bashing everyone else- not the mention if that sorry excuse of a book is titled ‘Lez Girls’!?”

That finally made some of the tension seep away, and the girls chuckled faintly. At least she could have come up with a more creative title, that was true.

‘’Well, right now, I think we should focus on the competition ahead of us.” Tamara said. She sent her friends a smile, holding onto Brianna’s hand tighter. ‘’May the best couple win. And let’s not forget, whoever does, the most important thing is that the money will go to support those are in need. Young LGBTQ folks that don’t have the same safety net we do. They don’t have families, friends, lovers…they can’t go to therapy when they are hurt and abused. Let’s do this for them.”

‘’Right.” Jane smiled at her. Amel let out a little noise that sounded a lot like agreement, making everyone laugh and coo. 

Tamara was right: this was what they had to focus on right now. Have fun, collect money for troubled youth, and just be in the moment. 

\--

There were no professional dancers, but the enthusiasm that everyone danced with still blew the audience’s mind. The way everyone gathered together for this event, putting aside their personal fears, was a truly beautiful and magical moment.

Besides the typical stage fright, Freddie didn’t feel nervous. Jane was holding her hand, leading her through it, the tie that matched Freddie’s red dress flapping in the air with every turn. Amel was watching them from Jane’s mum’s lap, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Colin and his own husband sat next to them with their own kids, grinning at their friends proudly- they would be the closing act of the evening.

As Jane twirled Freddie around, dipped her low and raised her high, they both kept smiling- they loved each other so much, and got so far. They struggled to have a baby for so long, nearly giving up the hope, and then their little bundle of joy arrived. Amel was sometimes fussy and loud, and neither of them enjoyed changing dirty diapers in the middle of the night, but they would never change a single thing. Amel was the best thing that happened to them in the past year, or ever. Their marriage was going strong, their little family thriving. All those hormone shots, the medical examinations, the vomiting, and the tears- they were all worth it. Because they didn’t give up. They loved each other deeply, and from that ever-lasting love, their beautiful daughter was born. Amel Theodora- a hope, and a gift. Paula tried to break them apart in the vilest ways possible, but she didn’t manage, because Freddie and Jane were stronger, so much stronger. Together, they could achieve everything.

Jane dipped Freddie one last time, with a steady arm around her waist. Her eyes shone with a million bright stars as she smiled down at her wife who sighed happily, heart swelling with love.

They received a standing ovation for the intimate dance number, their friends cheering and whistling their names. They both blushed as they exited the stage hand in hand, joining their family in the first row.

Regina and Crystal came next. As expected, Crystal was a little clumsy, but they made a very endearing sight on the stage. They couldn’t stop grinning at each other, even when they accidentally stepped on each other’s foot or slipped.

But how could they, when they were so happy? Regina has long given up on love. She saw how easily it fell apart in the wrong hands, and she was terrified of that happening to her. She saw the struggles of her parents, her friends, so many people around her. She was obsessed with The Chart, the overflowing piece of cardboard and her gossip, while being too blind to see reality: that love was meant for anyone. And now, she had Crystal. Crystal, who never gave up on her. She never pushed her boundaries or forced her into anything, but also didn’t just walk away when she saw Regina clearly had issues. They had each other now, and they were happy together. Regina threw the chart out, because she didn’t need to substitute a meaningful relationship with gossip anymore: she had a love of her own now. In fact, Regina was actually thinking about proposing to Crystal. The thought had been brewing in her mind ever since Etta and Dinah’s wedding, but now she felt the need to tie her life to this amazing woman, more than ever. Little did she know that while Crystal finally managed to do an actual twirl, she was also playing with the idea of buying her a ring.

Phoebe and Jenny had a shorter number. Jenny insisted on leading, even though she was much shorter than Phoebe. Not like Phoebe minded being on the receiving end of Jenny’s chivalry- Hell, she deserved it after encountering so many assholes in her life. She was thriving; she didn’t lose weight, but her confidence soared. She still often worked out with Jenny, but only because she ended up enjoying some of the lighter routines as well as spending more time with her girlfriend. She wasn’t chasing a twisted idea of beauty anymore: Jenny taught her that she was beautiful, sexy, and valuable- she was smart and kind and funny, a wonderful friend. Her worth was never tied to her weight. She grinned when Jenny hugged her from behind, as they swayed together. They had a bright future ahead of them, that was for sure. They both found their soulmate in each other.

During their number, Tamara had a few tears in her eyes- but every single drop was from happiness. She had found her way back to the people she loved the most. She was hurt, and used and abused in the worst way possible, and it ruined her life. She lost her mother, Brianna, her friends, everything- but now, things were good again. She hit the two years mark in her recovery, it’s been two years since the last drug she took. She was clean, and she was thriving. Just as much as Brianna, who lived in constant despair, thinking that Tamara hurt her on purpose. She was depressed, and lonely, but those days were over at last. ‘’I love you,” she whispered into Tamara’s ears, holding her tighter than the choreography needed. Tamara whispered it back to her, squeezing her hand.

When Etta and Dinah went on stage, their friends yelled ‘’newlyweds!” causing everyone to cheer. They both blushed in embarrassment, but there was a smile playing on each of their faces. Married life was treating them really well: they were happier than ever, so they clearly made the right decision. Things were looking dire just a year ago, with rough patches, but everything was perfect now. They held on, against all odds. Etta’s relationship with her family stabilized a bit- they were there at her wedding, even though she was worried they wouldn’t come. But they did, and maybe Etta will never be able to completely forgive them- as it was absolutely in her right to do so-, she didn’t feel so horrible about the situation anymore. Her and Dinah were looking into adoption, ready to build a family of their own.

A few people recognized Jill from the audience, cheering loudly when the football star lead her lover onto the stage. As Jill listened to their excited yelling, and as she looked into Georgia’s shining eyes, she felt like she was flying. Coming out publicly wasn’t always a smooth ride: there were trolls, of course, who called her names, but the supportive voices were louder. She was the up and coming star on the field, inspiration for many young people. She didn’t have to suppress that side of her anymore. Now, she could be with Georgia, without having to hide away. It was all worth it, even to just dance with her here, holding her soft hands in hers.

Joan really was a great dancer, as it turned out. Her friends cheered her on as she all but threw a squealing Petra around the stage, lost in their energetic dance. They were fueled by the music and their love for each other. Thank God they eventually stopped beating around the bushes, and confessed to each other. They proved anyone who thought they wouldn’t be a good match, wrong: they were fantastic friends, and they were fantastic girlfriends, as well. They simply worked together, despite their differences. Just the way they danced together was enough proof to anyone who thought otherwise.

Many female hearts broke, probably, when Addie danced with her serious girlfriend, but Addie didn’t mind. That part of her life was in the past. She wasn’t ashamed of it; despite what Paula said, the number of people she slept with didn’t define her. She didn’t commit to Dani out of shame: she did, because she truly fell in love with her. And she was so happy, she would never change anything. She found a lover and great friends along the way, who helped her break out of a terrible situation- for that, Addie will always be grateful. Dani has found her true match, and some great friends with it. She learned to let go of her own insecurities. She stopped tearing people down in order to feel better about herself. She would never go back to the person she used to be, who insulted people just because she was full of doubts herself.

They were all living their best lives right now- they were one very tough unit, that could have never been broken apart. They were best friends, lovers, a family- nothing could destroy the strong bond they had. No matter what happens next, they knew they will always have each other’s backs.

\--

Oxygen was running out, but she had to make the last few meters. She had to get to Freddie, she needed to see her. She was ripped away from her for so long, sitting in a cell with a brute for a cellmate, even though she did nothing wrong. Now, the people will see it- they were reading her book, the book that prevailed against all odds. The group called it trash, they ostracized her for trying to open up their eyes. They all turned against her and had her locked up, but she won in the end. Her book was popular, she was on parole, granted relative freedom. And she would make them all see, what a huge mistake they all made by treating her like that.

Paula knew the police will be alerted to her absence soon, so she didn’t have too much time. She caught a cab from her ratty flat, and made the last few meters on feet. She had to get back to Freddie, before she would be taken away again. She had to see her, had to see the baby.

The alarm went off when she climbed through the fence, but she didn’t care. Her lungs were collapsing on themselves, her lips trembled as she tried to suck in air that didn’t come. Her chest burned with a searing pain, but she tried to ignore it. She had to get to Freddie, she had to…

Her vision started growing grey and fuzzy around the edges. Just a few more meters towards the door, she would be there soon…

The world went black as she stumbled, falling into the pool where she saw Freddie and Jane making love, when her obsession for the other woman grew. Now, that pool was her grave, as her lifeless body floated on the surface.

\--

The call came during Colin and Arthur’s dance, the very last number of the evening. Colin was holding his husband high who grinned proudly, waving around his little trans flag. They were a wonderful sight, but no one got to enjoy it for too long.

Jane’s stomach dropped when she realized the police was calling her. So many horrible possibilities rushed through her brain: it must have been about Paula, that was why they were calling her. She must have escaped, and was now running around wreaking havoc, maybe she was coming here to take revenge…

Her fingers shook when she answered the call. Freddie and the rest of the group were watching her with growing worry.

‘’Hello?” Jane spoke into the phone uncertainly. She could barely hear the officer over the music, so she quickly excused herself and went outside, her heart hammering anxiously inside her chest.

‘’I’m sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you, I’m at an event right now…would you please repeat it?”

The officer did. And with every single word spoken, Jane’s jaw dropped lower. She clasped a hand over her mouth, staring forward blankly. Her head buzzed with white noise.

She didn’t even know if she said goodbye before she hung up. Her friends were now all outside too, staring at her anxiously. Freddie lay a hand on her arm, peering up at her with worried eyes.

‘’Darling, what happened? Why were they calling you?”

Jane looked down at her, then her friends. It felt like it wasn’t even her own mouth that formed the words.

‘’It’s Paula,” she said quietly, cheeks pale, ‘’she’s dead.”

\--

_Name: Paula Christine Prenter_

_Sex: Female_

_Born: May 2., 1990_

_Date of death: July 13., 2021_

_Cause of death: Oxygen loss, drowning. Victim was probably already unconscious before she fell into the pool. Large dose of strychnine found in the victim’s system, that caused her lungs to collapse. Possibly suicide, but foul play is not ruled out._

_Notes: Victim was out on parole for good behavior, originally sentenced to eight years on the grounds of heavy physical assault, harassment and attempted homicide. Removed her tracking device and escaped authorities, broken into the yard of resident Jane Samantha Hutton-Mercury (born Hutton) and Fredericka Mercury-Hutton (born Bulsara). Residents were not at home during the time of the incident._

_Forensic examination needed to confirm circumstances of death._

_Hearing of Jane Samantha Hutton-Mercury (born Hutton), Fredericka Mercury-Hutton (born Bulsara), Regina Madelaine Taylor, Brianna Harriet May, Tamara Staffell, Addison Lambert, Georgia Alana O’Dowd, Etta John-Furnish (born Dwight), Dinah Furnish-John (born Furnish), Joan Rita Deacon, Petra Amanda Straker, Phoebe Leslie Freestone, Jennifer Fanelli, Jill Moss, Crystal Taylor, Danielle Solano and Kevin McPearson is required, as they had the most contact with the victim in the one year before her current death._

_If suicide is ruled out, they are the primer possible suspects._

\--

Everyone was silent, as they sat around their usual table at The Planet. Ever since Paula’s unexpected death, days blended into a bit of a blur. No one was sure how to react: Paula was gone, which meant she could never hurt them anymore. All the pain and chaos she ever caused, went to the grave with her. But at the same time, they couldn’t be completely happy. First of all, because a human being just died, and no matter what she did and how the girls felt about her, it was still a traumatic experience. Second, no one actually knew what happened to Paula. It turned out the certain poison that killed her had been in her system for hours before she broke into Freddie and Jane’s, and only started effecting her respiratory system once she actually got there. Strychnine was often used as an effective method of killing off mice and insects. It lingered in the system for hours, causing the victim to grow tired and slower, and then, all of a sudden, it kicked into full gear and killed in seconds, choking the victim to death. It could have easily been suicide- if the poison was in Paula’s possession, which it wasn’t. No one knew how she came in contact with it, but the evidence they built leant more towards foul play.

That was where the girls came into the picture. As they had plenty of contact with Paula and many run-ins with her, they were obviously the prime suspects. They were the ones she constantly harassed, and in the case of some of them, physically abused them. It made sense the authorities immediately thought of them, considering each of them had plenty of motive to do away with her for good.

‘’Just to be clear,” Joan started slowly, stirring her cup of coffee with robotic movements, ‘’if anyone here did it, we will back them up, for sure. Right? We won’t rat anyone out.”

‘’Of course not,” Freddie conceded, bouncing Amel on her lap. ‘’But if I can be clear myself, I didn’t do it. And I’m sure neither of us did.”

‘’Would we tell each other, if any of us did?” Jill questioned, squeezing Georgia’s hand under the table, hard. ‘’Because if someone cracks, and tells…”

‘’We would never turn against each other guys, come on.” Jane huffed. She caressed Amel’s face, who must have sensed the tense atmosphere, because she started whimpering a bit. ‘’Truly, if anyone killed her…”

‘’Well, someone did, but I sure as fuck didn’t.” Regina cut her off. ‘’I’m not saying I never thought about it, but I’m not a psycho!”

‘’Don’t mention that during the hearing, that you thought about it,” Crystal warned her, ‘’they won’t like it.”

‘’For fuck’s sake, what is this?” Etta hissed. ‘’Does anyone here actually think one of us did it!? How? We were all at the She-Bang when it happened! And we didn’t even get to watch Colin and Arthur’s win…”

‘’But that poison got into her system hours before that,” Tamara said quietly, ‘’and God knows how long it could have been there.”

‘’Yeah, but are you implying one of us went berserk and smuggled poison inside her flat, and, I don’t know, soaked everything in it? Or what are we even talking about, because I’m confused.” Petra sighed, rubbing at her face tiredly. This whole deal was a mess. Paula died, but she still managed to cause them trouble.

‘’No one is accusing anyone of anything here.” Phoebe stated firmly. ‘’Jesus, girls. Look at us. That bitch had been controlling our lives in the past year, and she keeps doing it even in her death! If we didn’t let her tear us apart while she was alive, it shouldn’t happen now, either!”

‘’You’re right.” Georgia conceded. ‘’I think we are all just stressed about this situation.”

‘’Well, they can’t do anything to us without actual, hard evidence.” Brianna told them. ‘’Nothing happens until they can actually suspect we did something. So far, all they have on us is that we knew her and that we hated her. But that’s not evidence. Many people hate many people, but they don’t go around killing each other with rat poison.”

‘’The fact that she died in our yard doesn’t help,” Freddie sighed, her stomach churning. ‘’Every day I go out, I expect a corpse floating in my pool, I…”

Jane hugged her close with one arm, kissing her cheek. It was a traumatic image, no matter that it happened to Paula. No one would be happy finding out someone died in their pool.

‘’I don’t know why Jill and I are suspects.” Dani admitted. ‘’We barely knew her.”

‘’I think they try to gather as many close suspects as possible.” Addie said. ‘’I mean, this was obviously personal, not just a random serial killer on the loose.”

‘’Whatever happens, we still have each other’s backs.” Dinah said placatingly. ‘’We will get through this hearing, together.”

She placed her hand on the table with an expectant smile. Etta placed her hand on top of hers, looking at the others. Everyone joined in soon, a mess of hands holding onto one another; a crazy, sometimes dysfunctional little family that survived so many terrible things, because they loved and trusted each other. They will just have to hold on, like they always did, and they will be alright.

It was Freddie the police called this time. They all waited anxiously while Freddie talked to the officer. When she hung up the phone, everyone was talking over each other to find out what was going on. Freddie held up the hand that wasn’t holding Amel, shushing them softly.

‘’Kevin did it,” She said with a deep sigh, ‘’he confessed. Him and his girlfriend, they did it together. They dressed up as police officers and claimed the parole agent sent them to search her flat. They switched her meds with the poison while they were at it. They broke and gave themselves up.”

‘’Holy shit,” Petra whispered, ‘’Kevin? That sweet guy?”

‘’He snapped, after everything that Paula put her through. She treated him like crap and then cheated on him, and even after that, she continued manipulating him. She also nearly killed him and his girlfriend when she induced that car crash.”

‘’Well, good for him.” Regina mumbled, still in a bit of shock. ‘’I never would have guessed he would do this, but I think we should thank him, seriously. Honestly, Paula must have really lost her mind if she didn’t recognize her ex-fiancé.”

‘’They apparently got wigs and everything,” Freddie explained, eyes still wide, ‘’the police searched their place and found the costumes. They must have been planning this since they found out Paula would be out on parole.”

‘’Do you think she considered killing me, too?” Addie whispered, cheeks turning pale. ‘’I mean, it was me she cheated on him with…”

‘’I don’t think so.” Phoebe said soothingly. ‘’It wasn’t really the cheating, that made him snap, I think. It was, like Freddie said, everything. You could never commit the same crap she did.”

‘’So, it’s over then?” Jenny asked. ‘’We are not suspects anymore, right?”

‘’I believe this is it,” Jane whispered, barely able to believe it. After so much pain and struggle, it was finally over. They survived this, too.

‘’She can’t hurt us anymore. We are free.”

They were silent for a while, processing the information. A lot has happened in the past year, in the past weeks, even. It was truly all kinds of crazy, and they were so close to falling apart- but at the end, it was still them, that hopeful, messy group that won. The group with so many different personalities, a melting pot of all their best and all their worst. Paula didn’t fit into this picture, not because she was ‘’weird”, but because she couldn’t trust and love the girls as fully as they loved each other. She was the one that never understood, never even tried, that unbreakable bond that was between them.

‘’I bet her death will cause the sales of her trashy book to skyrocket,” Regina rolled her eyes, grimly. 

‘’You know what?” Freddie asked, smiling at her friends. ‘’I don’t care. It’s just a stupid book, anyways. It’s us, that know the truth. That we are a family.”

Once again, they joined hands over the table, nearly knocking off their U-Haul Frappuccinos in the process. They could finally smile freely, genuinely again. After everything they went through, it was a well-deserved, sweet relief at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In The L Word, we never find out who killed Jenny Schecter- and I actually considered ending this the same way, but then I figured we all deserve closure, so yay, Kevin! Not all heroes wear capes. Please, tell me what you thought of the finale! 😊

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is super appreciated! You can also find me on tumblr @bambirexwrites (not taking requests currently), come say hi if you'd like! :)


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